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Ship's Genius

@peter-my-parkers / peter-my-parkers.tumblr.com

Ro || 24 || He/Him || TF sideblog: bottomcyclonus || Icon by my beautiful boyfriend: Alpacalamamama
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What doesn’t kill me gives me kinks that are difficult to explain

Damn dude at least give me a vowel

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foodforthot

plankton’s guilty expression here has always struck me. he’s betrayed spongebob’s trust before and he knows he’ll likely do it again, and yet spongebob still cares enough about him to make a special valentine just for him. it conjures an image of him hunched over a desk with an x-acto knife and a magnifying glass, possibly with several failed attempts in the bin, all so plankton, a man who has and will continue to leverage his trust to his own selfish ends, can have something nice on a holiday that likely holds no special meaning to him. but spongebob will continue to love plankton because spongebob loves everybody, no matter how they have wronged him. in this way he is like jesus christ

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reblogged

My plan to create a perfectly flat and level Kansas by moving 5,501 cubic miles of earth from west to east. It’s the ideal Kansas. Still some details to work out about rivers, roads, etc. Watch out for the 900-foot cliff bisecting Kansas City.

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leafcrunch

this is honestly the best post on the entire fucking internet

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reading nabokov is maddening because his writing is so playful and evocative and effortless and english isn't even his first language. he's doing things in a second language most people could spend their lives trying and failing to replicate in their first language. makes me feel like this

"my very photogenic mother died in a freak accident (picnic, lightning) when i was three" like come ON how did you write the funniest sentence ever by adding a two word parenthetical. leave something for the rest of us

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animentality

My favorite bookstore ever was in Salem, MA and looked like this:

Extremely fucking precarious setup. Afraid to brush against anything. But if you went to the counter and asked for something, the guy there not only somehow knew where to find it, he could yank a book out of any given teetering stack without disturbing the rest.

^ i went to this bookstore once in college, and then years later visited salem again and tried to find it, only to discover, in its place, a very neat and organized conventional bookstore with everything on shelves. i asked one the employees what happened that it underwent such a radical shift and they said, the mold,

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omgthatdress

for the non-Americans who are very confused right now:

Everyone hates The Chiefs this year because it's quarterback Patrick Mahomes is low-key MAGA and the orange pestilence is in attendance in the game. And the racist ass "chop" their fans do. and that Traves Kelce said it would be "an honor" to host the orange pestilence at the game.

and now they're fucking losing and Taylor is going to DUMP him and join Kendrick in writing an absolutely devastating breakup anthem.

and Kendrick Lamar just called Drake a pedophile at the fucking superbowl

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legacysam

the eagles also refused to visit the white house last time they won the superbowl in 2018. when asked how he felt about trump coming to this game, eagles qb jalen hurts said "he's welcome to do whatever he wants." philly fucking hates trump and they are kicking kc's entire ass right now.

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