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Kai's Blog

@kaimaciel / kaimaciel.tumblr.com

She/Her | Portugal 🇵🇹 | 1988 | Expect a chaotic mess 😉 this is where I come to relax a bit | Catholic
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Got a new idea for ya!

Some random people, who are not nations, decided to kidnap Portugal for ransom when they saw him walking alone at night and managed to knock him unconscious. And they call the first contact they see on Portugal’s phone, not knowing that it’s all of the ex Portuguese colonies’ phone numbers in one group chat. (The chat was made by Portugal who just wanted to have a chat with his kids) The phone immediately gets picked up by Brazil, then Angola, and then the others, because one, (from what i have seen from your posts) Portugal never calls unless something happened and he is in danger or needs someone to talk to. They immediately know something is up and automatically ask where Portugal is.

I’ll let you decide what to write next. I expect a whole on shitshow.

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"What the fuck is this?" Luciano was the first one to ask.

"Listen up. We have Portugal," a man wearing a ski mask said. "If you want him unharm, you'll pay 1 million dollars in 24 hours."

"Fucking what?" Mozão asked.

"Paying ransons in this economy?" Zola scoffed.

"If you harm him, can we pay less?" Rosinha wondered.

"Yeah! You can beat him up." Guiné added. "The more the better."

"Well, I'm not paying shit." Luciano said.

"Guys, you're so mean!" Timor cried out. "Don't hurt dad! I'll go save him."

"Timor, no!" all the siblings yelled in unison.

"We do not negotiate with terrorists," Macau told them. "Give me a couple of hours. I'm sure I can resolve this."

"The golden boy to the rescue," Luciano rolled his eyes. "Typical."

"Aren't you the 'golden' boy?" Macau smirked.

"Shut up!"

The sound of something breaking caused the kidnapper to drop the phone, followed by sounds of punching and several screams followed by silence. When someone grabbed the phone again, Afonso was staring at screen with a busted lip and furious.

"No need to resolve anything. The matter is solved," Afonso said, spitting blood at the knocked out kidnappers.

"Hey, old man! Took you long enough!" Luciano laughed.

"Shut up. Except for Timor and Macau, I'm cutting all of you from my will."

"Do you have enough money for a will?" Zola wondered.

"Shut up!"

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reblogged

Friday Prompt, cute one this time 💕

"We're still family... right?"

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"Huh?" Zola raises an eyebrow.

"I mean, you guys are finally free, Portugal won't bother you again" Luciano scratches his nose, feeling awkward "and it's not like I'm really your brother. I'm just a boy you happened to speak the same language from the other side of the ocean..."

"Stop right there! I'm too tired for this nonsense now."

"But.."

"You are my brother you dork!" Zola laughs and piches his cheek "My caçula, even if you're from the moon that wouldn't change that. You're not getting away from us so soon."

She stops and observes him "Are you crying?"

"No!" Luciano sniffs. She snorts and brings him into a hug. Luciano wraps his arms around her.

"Still a big baby."

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A funny one. During a get together, Mozambique noticed Angola staring at Afonso.

He asks "what's wrong?"

"I have my suspicions that he and caçula are going out."

"What! That sounds absurd!"

"But when I ask Luciano he always says he and Afonso just had a ugly fight. But I don't remember many fights that end with bite marks."

"why won't you ask the old man? But be subtle. Like, start talking about the weather."

"hmm, alright"

Then Zola goes to talk with Afonso. He greets her "Olá Zola!"

"Hey! Nice weather huh?"

"yeah, it's a little too humid but-"

"Have you and Luciano been fucking?"

Mozambique chokes on his drink.

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"Zola, why are you asking such difficult questions?"

"It's not a difficult question. Are you fucking? Yes or No?"

"It's difficult because you're not going to like the answer."

Zola and Afonso stare at each other for a few moments, while Mozão looks at them back and forth.

"OH! I can't believe you, Afonso! Have you no shame?"

"You know me well enough to know the answer, Zola," Afonso answers with a little smile. "But seriously, do you really think I manipulated Luciano? He went after me in the parking lot. Trapped me between the seats before shoving his tongue down my mouth."

Mozambique looked around, unconfortable.

"This is way too much information."

Zola raises her eyebrows. "You're telling me Luciano seduced you on some parking lot? Why didn't you stop him?"

"Everytime I said we couldn't do this, it just turned him on more. The next time, we had a fight and he pulled into a bathroom stall and ripped open my shirt with his teeth."

And with that Mozambique ran out of the room.

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Argentina: Ok, I have to ask. Was Lucho always obsessed with chests?
Brazil: Martín!
Portugal: Yes. Ever since he was a little kid, his favorite pillow was a human chest of some kind.
Brazil: That's ridiculous! When did I ever use someone's chest as a pillow?
Angola: *raises hand*
Argentina: *raises hand*
Portugal: *raises hand*
Uruguay: *raises hand*
Chile: *raises hand*
America: Hey, what are you talking about?
Portugal: Whose chests Luciano used as a pillow.
America: *raises hand*
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Portugal: Alright, I've called all your bosses with an excuse so we can all go and watch the game.
Portugal: Angola you have a cold.
Portugal: Mozambique you got a sore throat.
Portugal: Cabo Verde you have faringitis.
Portugal: Brazil, massive hemorrhoids.
Brazil: Why do I get massive hemorrhoids?!
Portugal: If you're going to miss work for hemorroids, they have to be massive.
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Boas! I don't know if you already shared your thoughts on this topic but I would like to hear your opinion about it. In Hetalia it's canon that countries are not really implied in political decisions. The "boss" of each country is the one who decides, and therefore the ideology defended by that boss is not always followed by the country in question. What are your headcanons about this? How does Portugal feel during the most "tense" periods it goes through? How do you envision salazarist Portugal?

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Nation-tans represent the people, not the government, so I think Portugal thought Salazar was a good leader... at first. The First Republic was a disaster, filled with short governments and presidents that sometimes last only months. It was chaos and they needed order, Salazar brought order, kept him out of WW2, and actually improved the economy. 

At first, things seemed to be going well, but then he wasn’t allowed to say what he thought, news were censored, people who criticized the government were either jailed, tortured, or disappeared, he was cut out from the rest of the world. Salazar defended that they should be proudly alone. As a result, the world moved on without him, and all he could do was watch in censored silence.

Then there the colonial wars. On one hand, Portugal didn’t want to lose his empire, for the longest time, and Salazar’s ideals promoted this, the colonies were the only thing that made him more than a little, insignificant country in Europe. According to Salazar, if he lost them, he would be nothing. He hadn’t been just his original territory since the 15th century, so he was afraid. However, as time went on, he realized that the was a mistake, people on all sides were dying and he couldn’t force Angola and the others to remain a part of him forever. 

So the Carnation Revolution happened, and he decided it was time to join the rest of the world. Spain also got out of his dictatorship, so they applied for the EU together.

Nowadays, he regrets dragging the colonial wars for so long and ending them so abruptly. His people were forced out of Africa with nothing but the clothes on their bodies, and by removing himself from the war, left a power vacuum that caused the Capitalist and Communist factions in Angola and Mozambique to go into civil war. If they had talked the process of independence through and reached an agreement things could have been very different. 

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