Zia in Poetry

Tropicana Tropical Fruit Fury Twister (1 bottle, 20 fl oz)

340 calories 0 g fat 60 g sugars

Sugar Equivalent: Two 7-ounce canisters Reddi-wip   Don’t let Tropicana’s reputation for unadulterated OJ lead you to believe that the company is capable of doing no wrong. As a Pepsi subsidiary, it’s inevitable that they’ll occasionally delve into soda-like territory. The Twister line is just that: a drink with 10 percent juice and 90 percent sugar laced with a glut of artificial flavors and coloring. You could actually save 200 calories by choosing a can of Pepsi instead.

"This is distressing."

Starbucks Vanilla Frappuccino (1 bottle, 13.7 fl oz)

290 calories 4.5 g fat (2.5 g saturated) 45 g sugars

Sugar Equivalent: 32 Nilla Wafers   With an unreasonable number of calorie landmines peppered across Starbucks’ in-store menu, you’d think the company would want to use its grocery line to restore faith in its ability to provide caffeine without testing the limits of your belt buckle. Guess not. This drink has been on our radar for years, and we still haven’t managed to find a bottled coffee with more sugar. Consider this—along with Starbucks’ miniature Espresso and Cream Doubleshot—your worst option for a morning pickup.

Sugar Equivalent: 6 Krispy Kreme Original Glazed Doughnuts   None of the energy provided by these full-sugar drinks could ever justify the caloric load, but Rockstar’s take is especially frightening. One can provides nearly as much sugar as half a box of Nilla Wafers. In fact, it has 60 more calories than the same amount of Red Bull and 80 more than a can of Monster. If you’re going to guzzle, better choose one of the low-cal options. We like Monster; it offers all the caffeine and B vitamins with just enough sugar to cut through the funky extracts.

Bottled Tea and Cherry Pie.

Ice cream and Flavoured water. How would that taste like?

Sunkist and Oreo. Wow!