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Golden Giraffe

@zetecx

Came here to follow my favorite blogs. Entirely on mobile. Doesn't write but live to read! 💙 Thanks for stopping by!
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4est

do you think he knows

What I find really astonishing isn’t that a giant land snail managed to earn a doctorate, but that he managed to land a national TV spot despite displaying this kind of egregious, disrespectful behaviour towards his co-host.

[Still: a giant snail on a man’s face, caption “Dr. Brian Fisher, California Academy of Sciences”]

It’s nice to see that attitudes toward invertebrate academics in the sciences have improved in the last twelve years.

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zetecx

This reminds me of a tv commercial/info from the 90s (?). There was from time to time an effort to make more people pay their TV licens and at one point it seemed like they had asked children how they would punish someone who didn't do the right thing and the answer was "put a snail on their eye".

So you should pay your tv licens or you would get a snail on your eye, and nobody wants that right?

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appendingfic

i view just enough horror and have poor enough visual processing that i legit thought this was a gore-drenched bedroom that i would nope the fuck out of

Yeah, I feel like the floor is going to squelch blood if I step on it, and if I touch one of those dangling red strings, I'm going to get pulled up, enveloped, and digested by the sticky red organic globules hanging from the ceiling.

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thefoxineer

no it's nice design cause in color theory red is associated with more positive emotions than negative 😁

What is this, a children's hospital?

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So last week I tried moaning every time I ate something delicious.

It was vaguely uncomfortable and unnatural

I actually love the idea of doing this trying out fanfic/literary cliche’s out in real life, kinda wanna make up a list and undertake it as a challenge.

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whitmerule

don’t forget to make your butthole flutter today

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hazeldomain

Guess someone’s eye color from 20 feet away.

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prairiedust

Be careful with these. I started reading fanfiction three years ago and now I have to toe my shoes off to get my feet out.

But do you pad across rooms? 

Yes but I often give away my position when I huff.

FYI, I’m smirking at all y’all.

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k-vichan

I’m resisting the urge to card my fingers through everybody’s hair.

This is as good a time as any to admit that right now I smell like coffee, sandalwood soap, and something uniquely myself.

Ah, but are you holding a breath you are unaware of?

I just stretched lazily and showed a strip of pale skin where my t-shirt rode up but there was no-one here to stare at it, speechless, so I don’t know if it even counted

I sigh thousand times a day. Hope that is enough.

I was forced to tear my eyes away, yet drawn toward this by my body’s own volition.

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mylastvow

Anyone else here having life changing epiphanies every time when making a cup of tea? Or is that just me?

Guilty af

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cricketcat9

But was the riding up t-shirt old, washed a million times so it would be super soft? And grey? No? So sorry, it doesn’t count, even if there was someone staring at the strip of skin, speechless.

Had to reblog it from myself! 😁 The strip of skin still shows up in fanfic; will practice the stretching in the mirror today 😁😁😁

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miggylol

You show up for your first day at Copyright-Free Magic School. As you're going through orientation, you're informed that all new students get a school-assigned familiar that they are responsible for housing and maintaining. The staff member assures you that your assigned familiar is appropriately chosen and reflects you in some way.

Spin this to find out yours. (Remember, you are responsible for maintaining this familiar in your dorm room.)

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neuronary

‘redditors need to know this’, ‘twitterinas need to know that’… no. you need to know one thing and that is that you are not allowed to complain about werewolf fuckers. this is the werewolf fucking website. grow up and go fuck a werewolf.

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were--ralph

What does this gif have to do with werewolves?

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flizaa

if you have to ask you’re not ready

can you explain? i don’t get it

This is like someone just informed the newcomers about the devils sacrament taking place every full moon and the devil itself popped up asking “what sacrament?” with a cheshire grin.

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stonecrop

I’m both pro herbal medicine and pro vaccination because you can treat burns with aloe vera juice and sore throats with lavender infused honey but you can’t rid a country of polio with plants. 

THIS.

Don’t forget kids, jewelweed is a natural counteragent to poison ivy rashes but it won’t do shit against whooping cough

Mint for nausea, valerian and chamomile for sleep, antibiotics for fucking infections.

I’m in love with this post

Dock leaves for stinging nettle issues, get vaxxed for Covid ones.

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demon: YOU HAVE SUMMONED ME, MORTAL. WHAT DEAL DO YOU WISH TO STRIKE WITH THE POWERS OF HELL?

roomba: [is a roomba]

demon:

roomba:

demon:

roomba:

demon: man c’mon you gotta work with me here a little bit

roomba: *slowly spells on floor* K N I F E

demon: ahhhhh I see. You have heard the legend of Stabby.

roomba: *vibrates excitedly*

demon: *lovingly tapes a knife onto the roomba* no charge

Roomba: >:3

I love it when tumblr posts become so legendary they just get referenced in other tumblr posts

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this is your gentle reminder to stop fighting against your adhd and instead structure your life around it

buy a pack of chapsticks and put one in the pocket of all of your coats and jackets because you always forget to bring one and chapped lips is sensory hell

leave important things where you can see them. if they go in a box or a drawer you will forget they exist

put any appointments or deadlines in your phone calendar As Soon As you get them. set a reminder for a week before, a day before, an hour before, as many as you need as often as you need them.

when that little voice in your head says "i dont need to write that down, ill remember it" that is the devil talking!!! write it down anyway!!

plan for down time. have a few hours at the end of every day to just do fun stuff like engage in your hyperfixations. even if you didnt get all of your work done that day, have the rest anyway. you probably spent the whole day beating yourself up for not doing what you Should be doing, so you still need the break.

if you never eat vegetables because its too much effort to chop and cook them, get the frozen or canned shit. it doesnt go off for ages and you just have to microwave it. theres no point buying fresh vegetables if they just keep going off and being left to rot in the bottom of your fridge

if you struggle to decide what to have for dinner every day, take the decision out of it. choose a set of meals and eat those on rotation until you get sick of them, then choose some new ones and do it again.

its not stupid if it works! our brains literally have a chemical deficiency. you are allowed to accommodate yourself. go forth and stop making your life more difficult than it has to be because "this shouldn't be this hard". it is hard, so make it easier.

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reblogged
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notund

this post's hypothetical by itself is already ridiculous but the thing that gets me is how the wording implies two very funny things that become funnier in tandem

1. "Accidentally, the pitcher tosses a Christian baby" means this is a mistake on the pitcher's part. i imagine the pitcher is breastfeeding on the field and they pitch and they look down at their hands and they see the ball still in the glove and they go "fuck"

2. hitting the baby will still win you the game

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tidal-chaos
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GUISE

GUISE

IF YOU HIT “X+C” IT SHUTS OFF EVERY GIF ON YOUR DASH

EVERY SINGLE ONE TURNS TO A LITTLE GREY BOX WITH A LOCK

GUISE

TUMBLR HAS MADE ITSELF SAFE FOR EPILEPTICS

PASS IT ON

I BRING FORTH THIS KNOWLEDGE TO ANY FELLOW TUMBLRITES/SEIZURE-PRONE PEOPLE THAT MAY FOLLOW ME

KINDLY THANK THE OP FOR THIS KNOWLEDGE

I AM A HUMBLE MESSENGER

For any of my epileptic/seizure-prone followers!

Plus ASD/SPD people who can’t do flashy stuff!

Motion sensitive migraineurs!

yeah okay ill reblog that!

According to notes this method doesn’t work but heres one that does! (mobile friendly)

I’m gonna show for mobile bc that’s what I use

First go to settings,

Click general settings

Then click media auto play

Finally, select never auto play. Now gifs and videos won’t play unless you click them.

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reblogged
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lackofa

Giraffe-taur drops a quarter: the crappy comic.

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en-shaedn

okay but this is the purpose of the internet. I can look at a cute comic about a giraffe centaur who dropped his quarter trying to get a crappy vending machine snack. In no universe would I think of or make this myself. How awesome

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reblogged

More Telemachus because I’m really excited about the Wisdom Saga.

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reblogged

adhd is fun bc everything I got taught is backwards

a good day makes good sleep

starting with a lil treat gets the work done

More things to do is less overwhelming

don’t make a plan just get in there

you’ll never take good care of what you don’t like so throw it out (this one is my favorite bc it’s easy to see what you don’t like)

Incredible addition

don’t put the thing on the shelf put the shelf under the thing

At one point when I was particularly overwhelmed at work, I adopted a policy of "never read the to-do list."

Not ignore the to-do list, just glance at it long enough to see one thing, and then do it. Never read the entire list, or try to prioritize it, because then you get paralyzed by the fact that the list is literally impossible to finish. But if you're doing one thing, you're doing one thing.

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