Racing Turtles

So usually when an imaginary friend is a real thing in a story, it’s either a demon or a ghost or some supernatural boogeyman that probably wants to eat the kid they’ve befriended (Mama, a couple of the Paranormal Activity movies), or “imaginary friends” are just treated as a real thing in the setting, and if a child just thinks hard enough they can manifest a friend into existence (Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, Happy).

And somewhere in the middle is an area where the imaginary friend in question is real and they are supernatural, but they aren’t malevolent, and they aren’t entirely honest about what they are. Like maybe they’re a fairy or a god or some kind of boggle from mythology, but they just got caught by a six year old and they don’t have time to get into it, so they just go “…Yes. I’m your imaginary friend. We haven’t met. How do you do.” And then they stick around because they do love this kid, and if you’re a boggle from mythology in the modern day good food is really hard to come by.

And at some level. That’s what I think Hobbes is.

He did, in fact, Literally Catch Him. And in the next strip-

Calvin takes him home and feeds him, which is a Humorous Misunderstanding. But also means Calvin is fulfilling: Hospitality Law.

Suddenly, the one uninvited fairy rode into the dining hall on a dragonfly, muttering threats.

Fey lady having a bad go of it.

Second in what I now suppose is a series of sketches depicting the final moments of a sole surviving creature of myth.

My cat helped me paint the blood on the grass by pouncing on my sketchbook mid brush stroke, credit to Nimbus as a co-contributor.

Nothing to see here, just a street corner in New Orleans…..

This is The Violin Monster and he’s really cool. You should all look him up on Facebook. He’s the most talented violinist I have ever met, and he’s super sweet and friendly. He also teaches violin to kids. His back story is he’s a 400+ year old werewolf from Galway, Ireland who plays violin to quell his hunger for human flesh. I forget the details of how he became a werewolf, but I think it had something to do with a deal he made with a witch.

Story time: so one day I actually had spending money, so for funsies I kept putting money in his jack-o-lantern (that’s what his tip bucket is) requesting Scotch-Irish folk songs, and he didn’t just play every song he PLAYED them like he was in a music battle with the Faery King. I was quite impressed. Later, I ran into him, mask-off, at Café Envie and I told him “That was really cool, but you still didn’t play my favorite song ‘The King of the Faeries,’ do you not know it?” and Violin Monster looked around and over his shoulder, and then leaned over me and said in a hushed tone: “Oh I know it, but it’s bad luck to play that song. They say if you play it three times the Faery King himself will appear. So I don’t play that song anymore.” And then he smiled and walked away.

I don’t think Zach is just one of those performers who never breaks character, I think he’s actually summoned faeries by accident with his amazing music.

The man KNOWS

When I see ai art, I always check the hands.

And almost always...there are six fingers. Seven knuckles.

A missing thumb.

And yet, as long as they have big tits, people be fawning over it like omg this is peak art.

Yeah. Peak art made by a bot and stolen from actual artists that still somehow can't figure out the exact number of fingers and hands a human being has.

Guys I'm not kidding. Look.

COUNT THE FUCKING FINGERS.

Disturbing, ain't it.

HOW CRAP ARE THE PROGRAMMERS WHO CAN'T TEACH THE AI WHAT TO LOOK FOR...?

(Though it'd be hilarious if this was something they, you know, wilfully left out of the programming...)

Check for Shadows and Count the Teeth, you’ll know the Fae by what’s Discrete. Unpupiled Eyes and Hollow Backs, you’ll tell the Fae by what they Lacks. Breathless Voices, Backward Legs, you’ll see the Fae by what’s off-Peg.

Hearken, Child, Hear me Clear: Good Neighbors take all you hold dear. Trust your eyes, attend the Ear, And steer y’self from Fairy-Cheer.

Ferrous iron (Fe3+) *is* the iron in hemoglobin. Ferric iron (Fe2+) is in vegetables.

Generally I've seen it as *cold iron* being the one that repels the far, typically cast rather than forged.

Yes, I know this.  Hence specifying that in a non-magical world, these two materials are identical, and in a magical world, they are treated as distinct.  I acknowledged this in my original answer.

In the Toby Daye universe, hemoglobin and the iron contained in living things does not harm the fae.  Period.

it makes perfect sense to me, even non-magically. the fae do not want to touch or ingest significant quantities of plain, elemental iron. it causes adverse reactions over a certain dosage threshold, then scales up sharply depending on quantity touched or ingested.

the human body reacts poorly to mass quantities of chlorine. it burns our skin if it splashes on us and shreds our digestive system if we slurp it. but we do okay with public swimming pools, and we eat a lot of salt.

also, this is polyvinyl chloride: it's the basic structure of what PVC pipe is made out of. the green blobs are chlorine atoms, the white hydrogen, the black carbon.

we don't get poisoned by touching plastic the way we would get poisoned by touching the raw concentrated elements inside plastic, because all those elements are bonded to each other and therefore locked up safely away from interacting with our bodies. same deal with salt: sodium would fuck us up. chlorine would fuck us up. sodium chloride forms a compound with very different properties and we actually need a lot of it to live.

iron atoms being locked up into the complex molecular structures of living cells like wood and leaves and blood, or even the rigid inorganic structures of stones, are too busy to interact with your body the way pure iron dust or an iron knife would be. it's not some kind of bizarre plothole that the fae can eat iron-rich spinach but don't want to get blasted with iron filings. you can eat chloride-rich kelp chips and go for a swim, but don't want to be doused with chlorine.

that story where you challenge the fairy queen to a match of wit and skill to win back your loved one. and it goes … fine, you think? probably.

adapted from this very short Elsewhere University piece, changed slightly to be a little more self-contained.

other comics//tapastic//patreon//ko-fi

Me: “MAN YOU SUCK AT THIS”

7 foot tall fairy creature I trapped in a salt circle and forced to play smash bros: [Slurs in ancient welsh]

Breaking: CDC announces if you are fully vaccinated you can walk into a fairy circle.

queenie this is entrapment and you legally need to admit that they still can't walk back out we have discussed this

[SPRAYS YOU WITH HOLLY JUICE LIKE A CAT]

“Stairs Appear in a Hole Outside of Town,” by John Philip Johnson and Julian Peters (Rattle #38, Winter 2012)

that story where you challenge the fairy queen to a match of wit and skill to win back your loved one. and it goes … fine, you think? probably.

adapted from this very short Elsewhere University piece, changed slightly to be a little more self-contained.

other comics//tapastic//patreon//ko-fi

when i was 8-9, i was playing hide and seek with my sisters (i am the b e s t at that game) at my grandma’s house, and as a last minute decision i decided to hide inside the giant pussywillow in the backyard. i hid in there for at least an hour and only heard my sisters nearby once. another hour or two passed, and i was wondering how they hadnt found me yet, because im not that good, and so i climbed out and went looking for them. it was starting to get dark and when i went inside my grandma was super suprised to see me. she said “how did you get here?” and i said, “ive been hiding in the pussywillow since we started playing hide and seek” and she said “really? because i saw you leave with your sisters.” and i got a wicked chill. she called my mom and she said “she came home with us, how did she get there?” and i told her that i’d been hiding and she said “then who came home with us?” and went to check on me. i wasnt there so she asked my sister “wheres (my name)?” and she said “she was just telling me to come outside with her because she had something to show me but i said no because its dark. she was really mad at me.” and my mom told me after i got home that after my sister had said that she had looked out the window and saw me staring at her with big pale blue eyes.

my eyes are green.

rosie read the url challenge

thank you for that caption because i was about to fucking scream

Imagine a fae who is just so mad about the idea of lying, like, I have spent a thousand years studying the subtle arts of deceit, weaving my spells of glamour and misdirection, and you, human, can just stand there and

say things 

that aren’t true

“So yeah, I’m, uh, bright purple.”

“But you’re not! That’s not even plausible! How can you just - you are not even puce. Fine. Fine. Another one.”

“Are you sure? You seem pretty mad.”

“I assure you I am wholly and terribly sane.”

“Heh, you know that’s not the kind I meant.”

“Hssssss.”

“Haha, fine, fine. I’m … a dragon.”

“nO YOU’RE NOT THOUGH–”

This is a fucking hilarious concept.

whenever i see a baby in public i wish i were like a powerful faerie god mother character who could give the baby a gift like “you’ll never get a cold” or “math will always make sense to you” or something like bein’ great with string instruments but I don’t have any powers that I know of but it doesn’t stop me from trying so every time I see a baby in public I tell the adult with it “what a beautiful baby” and it makes them smile and then I pretend I can take the goodness of their smile and I look at the baby and I think very hard “you will have a good life, even if it’s hard, you will end up happy” and I’m just hopin’ the magic kicks in at some point

faerie: for your service, I will grant you one boon me: cool can it be the power to grant boons faerie, looking through the manual: uh,

(link)

this post called me out in front of god and obama and my cats