arts and crafts are killing me. badly
update i’m so powerful i could fuck god if i wanted
this is the experience of being an artist in a nutshell. at all times you are at one of these two poles and you never remember the other exists until it's too late
arts and crafts are killing me. badly
update i’m so powerful i could fuck god if i wanted
this is the experience of being an artist in a nutshell. at all times you are at one of these two poles and you never remember the other exists until it's too late
the great thing about the wuxia genre is you can start a sect called the Evil Blood Cult in a place called Demon Mountain that’s a volcano full of poison and you all wear crazy gothic black and red hanfu and practice Sinister Backstabber Style kung fu and like. that’s not a deterrent to prospective disciples. do all that and a fuckton of bright eyed youngsters will still show up at your door and say hello i would like to join the demon mountain evil blood cult where do i sign up?
a little obsessed with the story of how giacomo casanova was sharing a gondola with this random guy who suddenly started having a seizure, and casanova had some medical training so he stabilized the guy until the guy’s physician could be called. and then the physician bled the guy and put mercury ointment on him, which caused everything to get worse to the point that a priest was called to administer the guy’s last rites, but then casanova stepped in and washed off the mercury ointment despite the doctor yelling at him not to. and the guy recovered and turned out to be super rich and powerful and in gratitude bankrolled casanova’s debauchery for years until casanova got himself sentenced to five years in jail for blasphemy. also at one point he got shot through the hand in a duel and doctors wanted to amputate it but he said no it’ll be fine and it Was
so what i’m saying is a medical procedural show where the main character is giacomo casanova and he doesn’t want to be solving these medical mysteries but goddamn if he isn’t the only fucker in this room who knows how to not kill the patient. so i guess my date with this prussian chick will just have to wait
this pitch would have absolutely killed at the bbc between 1991 and 2005 btw
love how the ming dynasty has a long series of really competent and hardworking and idealistic emperors who each get on the throne and go i’m going to be the best emperor ever, unlike my good-for-nothing predecessor who let the bureaucrats make all the decisions while he sat back and worked in his hobbies! and then they realize that the squabbling confucian bureaucracy has gridlocked the government so badly that the emperor couldn’t make any decisions even if he wanted to and they’re like ohhhh i get it now
i’ve seen people use the word “childish” to describe the zhengde emperor’s marie antoinette thing where he made all his ministers and eunuchs cosplay normal people in a fake marketplace with him, but honestly i think he was onto something. pretend with me for a minute that the most important thing in the world is not which faction’s interpretation of an eight word phrase in the analects is correct, but rather whether or not you can sell enough beancurd to make rent. sixteenth century touch grass
so much love for characters who are desperately unsure whether they’re a good person, a redeemable person, a person worth saving, but are absolutely certain that they’re a grade a hottie
“people will literally spend their lives wandering the jianghu instead of getting therapy” and for some people it works!! sometimes traveling freely and living by the sword really does fix them. you shouldn’t let the countless husks of heroes dying meaningless deaths by the wayside distract you from the possibility that it might work for you
in the tradition of outcast (2014), dragon blade (2015), and the great wall (2016), we need a movie set in the 1630s where a disillusioned member of the embroidered uniform guard and a profit-driven jianghu mercenary flee the corrupt and crumbling ming dynasty and somehow end up in the equally corrupt city of cologne, where they become key players in the fight against the sinister forces of cardinal richelieu and eventually secure the peace of westphalia and the end of the thirty years’ war. this is a million dollar idea i’m telling you
i really do love this concept. the protagonist is like i’m sick of dealing with wei zhongxian’s shit, i’m gonna go someplace where people are holy and don’t even know how to act like this (the impression of europe he got from the jesuit missionary he had a tactical lunch with once), and so he travels 5000 miles and as soon as he stops to catch his breath he runs into cardinal fucking richelieu, the european wei zhongxian
the imperial chinese examinations are a godsend for enjoyers of pathetic historical men such as myself. they gave rise to so many types of guy, such as: guy who failed the examinations like forty times and despondently wrote one of the great works of chinese literature between failures; guy who failed like ten times and decided “you know what? this is bullshit. this all has to go” and started a brutal peasant uprising; guy who just barely passed and was suddenly thrown into a very high military position, which he has ABSOLUTELY no training for; and guy who failed several times, faked a degree, got hired by harvard to teach chinese, had his fake degree discovered after he got to boston, begged harvard to let him teach because otherwise it would be really embarrassing for them all, taught like seven students, and died of pneumonia
i genuinely think we should have more cross-gender acting in film. i think cis female actors should play cis male characters and vice versa without the characters’ masculinity or femininity being a joke and i think this ought to happen enough that it isn’t a big deal at all. cast timothee chalamet as marie antoinette he can pull it off. let gong li play an emperor. this will be good for everyone, especially me
i think it’s fun that a fair amount of menstrual product packaging has hashtag feminist hashtag inspirational messages printed on it but i think they should have fortunes. like cookies. you open up a pad and the paper stickerback thing inside says “a chance encounter will turn into a valuable business opportunity” do you see my vision
traditional child-rearing sensibilities maintain that if a mother gives her son attention he’ll turn out gay, and if she doesn’t he’ll turn out autistic. if this is true, then logically every gay autistic person was raised by a mother in a constant state of quantum uncertainty, simultaneously giving and not giving affection. i call this hypothetical parent georgine bauer—schroedinger’s mother
