zenosanalytic reblogged
fanfic
poison ivy wearing muddy overalls n rubber gloves on the set of a gardening show w the hosts tied up n gagged behind her stroking a genetically modified carnivorous plant like a lapdog: hello fume-spewers of gotham city. its your hostess with the most...the mostess...its me, poison ivy. sorry to interrupt your resource-guzzling evening's entertainment by taking over every channel of your worthless old-media network. oh wait. i'm not. at this very moment the bouquet of roses i sent to strangle the mayor will be
heavy static followed by sudden cut 2 the penguin, drinking straight vodka and crunching icecubes wearing a feather boa and a velvet dressing gown covered in grease-strains and reclining in the hosts chair on a talk show set, which is being visibly smashed by themed muscleboys in th background: GOTHAM CITY YOU FUCKERS, YOU ABSOLUTE SWINE, HERES THE DEAL I WANT (crunch) A BILLION DOLLARS LEGAL TENDER TRANSFERRED TO MY PAYPAL AT [email protected] OR YOU CAN (slurp) SAY GOODBYE TO-
sudden cut back 2 poison ivy, furiously gesturing to the hypnotised crew to do whatever damnable technological things they do to unfuck the broadcast: (high pitched screeching)
sudden cut to the penguin: -YOUR PRECIOUS "SUN". I-
the penguin: (hears phone ringing) OH WAIT UH HOLD ON A SECOND
the penguin: (pullS a gold rotary telephone out of his purse) HWEH?
poison ivy, shreiking thru reciever: fuck off oswald im doing a Bit!!
the penguin: TO FUCK WITH YOUR BIT I BOUGHT OUT ALL THE NETWORKS FOR 1 HALF HOUR SLOT AND NOW I HAVE MINUS A BILLION DOLLARS AND I NEED A BILLION DOLLARS
poison ivy: these airwaves arent big enough for the both of us you horrendous little animal. i swear to piss i will
sudden cut to the riddler, sitting atop a giant rubix cube w the squares flashing neon at intervals wearing 2 pairs of 3D glasses and a coquettish mod ensemble w so many sequins on it that the studio lights reflecting off it cause at least 3 lens flares a second: GREEEEEEEETINGS CITIZENS OF GOTHAM CITTTYYYYYY! i, the RIDDLER, have interrupted your intellectually unstimulating broadcast to bring you some entertainment you'll hopefully find a little more...challenging. a new game show....with a DEADLY TWIST. for you see
the riddler: (hears his 2001 nokia beeping) uh...well, it seems we have our FIRST CALLER of the evening
the riddler: ...and our SECOND CALLER. um
poison ivy: (garbled screaming)
the penguin: (choking on an ice cube in pure rage)
the riddler: woah now hey now hey there woah there just a second
the penguin:-THE SUN
poison ivy:-THE MAYOR-
the penguin: -A BILLION DOLLARS
poison ivy: -A TRILLION DOLLARS-
sudden cut to harley quinn, sitting at home on the couch in front of her webcam wearing a sweaty sports bra and loony toons pajama pants and eating a hotdog: whats up folks! just wanted to hang out