good lord

YEAH I GOT NOTHING

i don’t understand a single sentence in this and i’m ok with that

I haven’t stopped saying “it’s called quantum jumping, babe”

I would genuinely like to know who to blame for making these children so disconnected from the concept of imagination that they think the simpler explanation for what they’re doing is that they’re projecting their consciousness into one of infinite realities where fictional characters are real.

topical :/

WHY IS IT TOPICAL

Me shouting at my rash ointment

great post everyone

The fact that Dante created the most popular image of the afterlife with absolutely no theological basis for it will still be the funniest thing to me

Church: Heaven is eternal connection with God, while Hell is total separation from Him. Anything else is only speculation.

Dante: Actually Hell has layers like an onion, and the devil is big and mean and also frozen. People are fighting and there’s a mountain to get to Heaven and a nice place for babies. Also I know this because I went there with my friend :)

Dante: I had a dream where I astral projected into hell with the famous poet Virgil who I am totally Best Bros with. I wrote a poem about it if you wanna read it idk

Several Popes: Thank you king I am commissioning fan art of you

Christians keep stealing shit from other esoteric traditions when St Barbara is right there.

Y'all have a PATRON SAINT OF BOMBS AND EXPLOSIONS AND NONE OF Y'ALL EVER MENTION HER

Her symbology is the Chalice and Cannon. Queen.

her Wikipedia page says she's lesbian

*LEBANESE

patron saint of osha

Among puritan Christians in the 1840s, many believed that material disease was due to material sin. You do bad things and you get sick.

This eventually morphed into the idea that spiritual disease is therefore caused by spiritual sin. I.e. you think bad things, you go insane.

John Harvey Kellogg was an innovator. He sort of blended the two, popularizing a new category; the physiological sin. Eating unhealthy, disrupting the natural balance of the body, is a sin against the natural order of the body as God ordained it, and he punishes us with chronic illness.

His followers were banned from:

Sex, masturbation, all meat, salt, grease, fat, dance, gambling, coffee, tea, alcohol, or warm water of any kind.

why warm water????

Excites the body. JHK considered man’s natural state to be an unfeeling resting neutrality. All biological excitement was a sin.

Yes. The cereal guy. As in Kellogg’s Cereal. That guy.

…. That explains the whole “bland cereal means no sex” idea, to be fair.

Actually incorrect!!!!! His BROTHER was the Kellogg cereal guy - literally took the shitty bland-ass flakes he made with John before John started his own sanitarium (think of the old equivalent of a detox/cleanse luxury spa) and put sugar on them, and thus “Frosted Flakes” were born!!

That’s not correct. Both of them worked at the Battle Creek Sanitarium, which was established in 1866.

John Harvey Kellogg invented Corn Flakes, William Kieth Kellogg was a factory owner and designed the factory process to mass-produce them, and thus held the patent. In 1897 they started the Sanitary Food Corporation.

W.K. Kellogg knew the cereal would be more marketable if they put sugar in it. J.H. Kellogg thought that was a sin. The two had a falling out in 1906 over this, and W.K. split to form the Battle Creek Toasted Corn Flake Company, which later became the Kellogg Company.

Oh thank you for the corrected info!!!

I didn’t read two whole biographies on this enema obsessed weirdo for people to be Slightly Wrong On The Internet About Him.

please @normal-horoscopes expand on that enema thing. u can’t just mention that and not tell us.

John Harvey Kellogg was obsessed with enemas. He was an early proponent of studying gut bacteria. He even worked at the Pasteur Laboratory in Paris for a while.

In 1936, he filed a petition for his invention of improvements to an “irrigating apparatus particularly adaptable for colonic irrigating.”

Basically, he invented a chair that would pump water up your ass at over a gallon a minute, often followed by a half-pint of yogurt.

The irrigator was INCREDIBLY popular, notable people who used the irrigator were the likes of: Amelia Airhart, George Bernard Shaw, J.C. Penny, President William Howard Taft, Thomas Edison, and C.W. Post.

CT I know you didn’t just say that the guy who was afraid of masturbation and warm water made a chair that blasted yogurt up your ass please say sike

He also patented several designs for chastity cages.

If you’re puritanical enough you just loop back around to a freak.

Quick correction on this post: I stated that The Irrigator could pump water up an ass at a gallon a minute. This is inaccurate. It could pump water up an ass at more than four gallons per minute, faster than most industrial power washers.

I came across a series of letters from his Battle Creek Sanitarium a few months ago (I’m an archivist) right as my boss walked by. He inquired if I had found anything fun recently.

Long story short, that was a conversation that started with “please don’t call hr, but I am gonna hardcore info dump about John Harvey Kellogg to you and I am gonna warn you, it is gonna get wild”

Viewing all this with interest. (And the usual vague disgust at the people—past and present— then and now—who’ve decided, for religious or other reasons, that human bodies enjoying pleasant sensations in the [before-death] here and now is a BAD THING) . :/

Its never too early for a Glizzard

Wizard Council 2022 Updated Banned Spell List:

Hey

I CONTINUE TO BE TITS DEEP IN DEMONOLOGY RESEARCH:

IF YOU ARE A NOBLE THAT RUNS A COUNTY YOU ARE A COUNT OR A COUNTESS

NOW IF YOUR COUNTY IS ON THE BORDERS OF THE REALM YOU MIGHT HAVE TO DEAL WITH WAR SO YOULL HAVE SOLDIERS MARCHING THROUGH YOUR COUNTY SO MUCH IT BECOMES A MARCH AKA A MARK AND YOU GET UPGRADED TO BEING A MARQUIS

SIMPLY PUT A MARQUIS IS A COUNT THAT OWNS A BORDER TERRITORY

HELL HAS SEVERAL MARQUIS

WHICH MEANS HELL HAS BORDER TERRITORIES

MY QUESTION IS WHO TF IS INVADING HELL

Maybe they're the invaders and Hell was already occupied when they arrived?

DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON RAGNAROK THEORY

THERE ARE SOME DEMONOLOGISTS IN THE 7TH CENTURY WHO IMPLY THAT DEMONS ACTUALLY COLONIZED HELL TAKING IT FROM ITS UNNAMED INDIGENOUS INHABITANTS

THEY DRAW CLEAR ALLUSIONS TO THE THE ISLAMIC/CHRISTIAN COLONIZATION OF THE OLD EGYPTIAN FAITHS AND IMPLY THAT THE CURRENT HELL IS ACTUALLY THE COLONIZED DUAT

THE GOSPEL OF NICODEMUS IS FUCKIN WILD

ACCORDING TO IT SATAN IS A JØTUNN

ACCORDING TO EVERY DEMONOLOGY TEXT I HAVE READ THERE IS LITTLE EVIDENCE FOR CIVIL WAR AMONG DEMONS

WHILE HELL HAS MULTIPLE "KINGS" (ONLY FOUR OF WHOM ARE EXPLICITLY MALE) THEY ALL SERVE UNDER LUCIFER

THERE IS ACTUALLY SUBSTANTIALLY MORE EVIDENCE FOR THE TITLE OF "KING" BEING AKIN TO A CABINET POSITION

CASE IN POINT IS THE INFERNAL DUKE ABRIGOR WHO SERVES UNDER KING BAAL BUT FUNCTIONS AS QUARTERMASTER FOR ALL OF HELL

THIS IMPLIES THAT BAAL'S ROLE IN HELL IS AKIN TO SECRETARY OF THE INTERIOR

LE DICTIONAIRRE INFERNALE REFERS TO THE DUKE FOCALOR AS "LUCIFERGE" AND DESCRIBES HIS ROLE AS BEING AKIN TO THE INFERNAL PRESS SECRETARY (HOWEVER EVERYTHING ELPHIAS LEVI WROTE SHOULD BE TAKEN WITH A HEAP OF SALT)

EVERY CREDIBLE DESCRIPTION OF HELL PORTRAYS IT AS:

- HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL

- BIODIVERSE WITH ALIEN LIFE SEEMINGLY BASED AROUND BLOOD AND SOULS

- CONTAINING TWO MAJOR CITIES

- CONTAINING FIVE LARGE BODIES OF A WATERLIKE SUBSTANCE

- CONTAINING AN UNCERTAIN NUMBER OF MINOR CITIES

- SHAPED LIKE A BELL BURIED UPSIDE DOWN IN THE EARTH

HELL HAS A TREASURER HELL HAS A NATIONAL BANK HELL IS ON THE GOLD STANDARD

HELL HAS A DEPARTMENT OF INFRASTRUCTURE THE DEMON VINE IS THE MINISTER OF ROADS

Hmm.. all this is just conjuring an image of Baal and Lucifer in a coffee shop wearing casual business wear, comically small spectacles with a strap and they wanted to talk about hells budget of the fiscal year in a less constrictive environment, cause for hells sake, beauracracy can be a bitch

ACTUALLY ZAGAN IS THE TREASURER AND THEY LIKELY WOULDNT TALK TO LUCIFER DIRECTLY (AS HE IS STUCK IN LAKE COCYTUS) THEY WOULD LIKELY REPORT TO EITHER BELETH, THE INFERNAL MINISTER OF THE INTERIOR, OR BAEL, AKA THE "LUCIFERGE" OR MOUTH OF HELL

Yeah you gotta follow procedure or everything comes apart!

LITERALLY NOTHING MAKES MORE SENSE TO ME THAN HELL COMPLICATED A COMPLICATED BUREAUCRACY THAT WORKS WELL FOR THE DEMONS AND ONLY THE DEMONS

wait is this eldritch demonology or what

im hearing a lot of long words thrown around, and frankly im too tired to make sense of them

NO THIS IS JUST NORMAL DEMONOLOGY

anyone else get embarrassed when their self indulgent daydreams are like too self-indulgent? like oh jeez the telepaths are going to judge me

#ah so when you’re not Catholic you think it’s telepaths lol

Sentences that explain like 70% of America

(via @xaveria​)

Hey, this is the backup for normal-horoscopes. I got nuked. This will be my new blog just in case staff decides to leave my main dead.

Also yo, if you're suddenly like "oh shit I didn't know nh followed me." Normal-horoscopes was actually a sideblog, and I followed you on my main. Those of you that do know my main, I'd prefer if you would keep it to yourself out of respect for my privacy. Though, if we are mutuals feel free to ask.

Staff has not communicated why my account was terminated. I woke up today unable to access any of my blogs. My main, my sides, all gone and locked. I have sent several report tickets, but it should take roughly 1-3 days to know whether or not I can get my account back.

Hey, if It turns out I do actually lose access to my account, I would be heartbroken if I lost six years worth of my writing. If y'all can find reblogs, screenshots, or links to my old horoscopes, I would deeply deeply appreciate it if you put them into the discord channel #horoscopes-archiving here

Hey, this is the backup for normal-horoscopes just in case staff decides to leave my main dead.

Instead of an angel and a devil every American has a little Angelino that say shit like "Leave your wife. Start a salsa company. Join a cult." And a little New Yorker that says stuff like "You shoulda killed that guy and ate his body."

You’re gonna see a bunch of thinkpieces in the next few days about how Alex Jones “actually did call a few things correctly.” Let me tell you what that’s fucking unacceptable bullshit:

“Alex was right! The government lied about the Gulf of Tonkin!”

The Gulf of Tonkin incident happened ten fucking years before Alex was born, and nearly forty years before Infowars was on the air.

“Alex called Jussie Smollett”

Alex thinks every hate crime is a false flag. He doesn’t get any credit for that case.

“Alex has been talking about Epstein for years!”

Alex thinks every celebrity has a secret pedophile bunker island plane or the like. He also conveniently never mentioned Epstein’s relationship with trump.

“Alex predicted 9/11!”

Osama Bin Laden had been all but openly threatening attacks for months if not years leading up to 9/11. Anyone with half a brain could’ve guessed that maybe there would be a terrorist attack.

“Alex called x!”

No he didn’t. Unless it was one of the few instances above, Alex just says he called it after it happened. Multiple Infowars employees said in court that they could not name a single mass tragedy that Alex did not claim to be a false flag operation. He is an utterly soulless opportunist who deserves no sympathy or credit.

Also, like, it’s not as if the trumped-up nature of the Tonkin Gulf Incident is some fringe view that Jones has gone to bat for while everyone else denied it. Mainstream history books say as much. Wikipedia says as much. Robert McNamara, one of the principal architects of the Vietnam War, said as much!

(Both passages from wikipedia)

So yeah, claiming that as some bit of wisdom on Jones’ part is like saying that he’s really sticking it to the libs by dropping truth bombs to the effect of ‘the sky is blue.’

Conspiracists love to claim that they’re always “vindicated” by history, because things like the Pentagon Papers and the 2010 Wikileaks releases come out and show our government has routinely engaged in evil conduct and tried very hard to keep it secret. But they never make any actual specific claims before an event has become mainstream consensus history.

No one before the Tuskegee experiment became public knowledge was out there making claims that unethical medical experiments were taking place. No one made any claims about secret CIA mind control experiments with LSD before MKULTRA became public knowledge.

Conspiracy theorists are only ever “vindicated” in the sense that evidence comes out proving that their enemies are bad, which is usually not controversial in the first place. They never actually “break” any story, publishing claims that are later proven correct by documentary evidence.

Also, if I recall, Epstein was one of those things where a lot of people knew but nobody was willing to come forward and actually make an accusation. Like Bill Cosby or Harvey Weinstein. These things tend to be a surprise to the general public, and a lot of grown men, but they are actually widely known by women in the industry, it’s just no one believes them.

Bill Cosby was brought down when a male comedian made a joke about Cosby being a rapist, based on the scuttlebutt he heard from women he knew. And it being out there, stated in public, on TV, gave women who were victims the courage to come forward. So Alex Jones may well have known about Epstein – apparently a lot of people did – but no one had access to any proof.

Oddly enough, Alex Jones was almost right on one of his stupidest sounding claims. When he claimed that chemicals were turning frogs gay? That’s not nearly as inaccurate as it sounds. Estrogen impersonators, coming from the breakdown of plastics, have been getting into the water supply and screwing with the reproductive systems of fish and frogs, making intersex and hermaphroditic animals and impairing male reproductive systems. From what I have heard, they are also affecting humans! Male sperm counts have been dropping for decades now. Or at least that’s what I heard in the 00’s. Maybe they’re coming back after we banned some of the worst offending plastics. So, he was on the right track with that one, but his lack of scientific acumen and desire to pander to his right-wing bigot audience’s most inflammatory fears led him to phrase it as “turning frogs gay.”

Also I just want to point out that, even when conspiracy theorists are using actual events, they’re usually wrong about them, and using them in deceitful ways.

MKULTRA was real, but it wasn’t part of a Jewish conspiracy to control US politics, it was the conservative christians who ran the CIA abusing their authority to indulge their sadism.

Yes, the US gov was intentionally infecting people with a deadly virus, but they were doing it to black people to uphold white-supremacy, not to white people to undermine it.

Yes, the US gov lied to the public constantly, but they did it in SUPPORT of Wars, and US Military Power, and anti-Communist hysteria; not to weaken the US military and sell the world out to communist regimes.

MKULTRA, Tuskegee, and Vietnam happened, but they happened to further CONSERVATIVE goals, not the vile caricatures of leftism conspiracy theorists fantasize they do.

well, if it was the deliberate attempt at getting a mistrial, it didnt work lmao.

Alex Jones explained for non USAmericans:

Alex Jones is an infamous radio conspiracy theorist who has been a persistent element of American politics for the last 30 years. His radio show, Infowars, uses the tagline "tomorrow's news today" as Alex claims his information comes from a pantheon of secret sources within the nonexistent shadow government.

Infowars got it's big break in the early 2000s with 9/11. Alex claims to have predicted the attack beforehand, even though Osama Bin Laden had been all but outright stating his desire to commit a terrorist attack for months if not years beforehand. Alex also claimed that the UN was behind 9/11, claiming that it was done to destabilize the dollar. The Infowars guest on the day of 9/11 was actually Joe Rogan. That's not actually relevant, it's just a fun fact.

Throughout the years, Alex has been a dangerous radicalizing voice in America. He has claimed that every mass tragedy like a terrorist attack or school shooting has been a false flag, generally stating that the tragedy was engineered by the government to strip Americans of their gun rights. Recent court documents reveal that at its peak, Infowars was making 800,000$ profits a day.

He has been sued before, but has generally managed to skirt by on settlements and technicalities.

In 2012, a 20 year old named Adam Lanza shot and killed 26 people in the Sandy Hook Elementary School. Alex claimed that no children died, and that the grieving parents and community members were actually paid actors. He has said equally reprehensible shit in the past, and nothing has come of it. But this time, Alex didn't stop there. He has been harassing the victims for nearly eight years now, claiming that the parents were agents of the deep state, even going so far as to dox the public addresses of the parents of the victims, and even send "reporters" (read, dangerous armed white supremacists) to their houses. The entire time he was doing this, he was running commercials for his brand of vitamin supplements.

The victims of his harassment are currently suing Alex for defamation. The trial is not going well for Alex. Alex is currently on lawyer 12. Alex's lawyers have proved themselves to be so incompetent, so unprepared, so blatantly disrespectful to the American legal system, that the judge has handed down what's called a "default judgement". Which essentially means "the court has decided that even if you are actually innocent, the court will legally be considering you guilty because of your rampant disrespect for the legal process." A default judgement was described by one of the lawyers as "approximately as rare as a football game being called on account of unicorns."

The firm that took the case for the victims side is doing so for free. They have extensively studied Alex and his history, and are currently in the middle of what could be described as a surgical disassembly.

On August 3rd, Alex's lawyer turned over nearly 2 years of Alex's phone records. These texts contain DEEPLY incriminating evidence. The victims lawyers asked Alex's lawyer "hey, we can use these right? Like these are admissible?" And either out of ignorance, incompetence, or potentially even intentionally, Alex's lawyer said yes.

It doesn't stop there.

Alex was instrumental to the January 6th coup attempt that happened here recently. One of the victims lawyers was heard on a hot mic saying that they intended to turn the evidence over to law enforcement, heavily implying that Alex may have implicated himself in some nigh-treasonous crime.

One of the lawyers currently prosecuting Alex Jones got interviewed on knowledge fight. He talked about how he had to watch 150+ hours of Infowars content as background for the case.

He talked about how he had to take regular breaks because he could feel himself passively absorbing information against his will.

I can't really articulate how validating that was to hear. Sometimes I worry that I'm being overdramatic when I say shit like "hey if you're not careful, even casually browsing some types of conspiracy media can fuck with your brain" but here was an actual lawyer talking about how it affected him.

It's not necessarily the content itself, but more how it's presented. (in my opinion) I think Infowars could be considered an actual cognitohazard.

This is just how propaganda works. If you hear something often enough for long enough, you'll eventually believe it.

Infowars is propaganda, but it's more than just propaganda. Alex presents information in a distinct high-speed stream-of-consciousness way that drowns the listener in noise. It's so fast that it almost forces the listener to construct a sort of idealogical scaffolding out of unconnected ideas just to keep up. I think it would be fair to call it hypnotic.

I cannot urge people strongly enough to look up “Knowledge Fight”. It’s a podcast that does detailed, point by point take-downs and refuting of Alex Jones show by show, three times a week.

The researcher/host of the show has been tapped by lawyers in the Sandy Hook cases for his extensive “How much of a lying bastard Alex Jones Is” knowledge.

It’s a very good bucket of cold water to dunk yourself in to kill the brain worms before they have time to dig in.

And it’s also (usually) very funny.

Jordan Peterson seeing himself as the prophet king hero here to save America is evidence that the whole facts and logic radical atheism movement never really gave a shit about religion beyond vapid self-aggrandizement.

jordan peterson isn't an atheist, has stated he is christin several times [link][link] and is pretty outspokenly critical of atheism [link] so like, i'm not really sure i understand what this post is trying to say

When the New Atheism movement from the early 2000s lost steam and fractured, a significant portion of them filtered into the Intellectual Dark Web, the community that game Peterson one of his biggest initial platforms.

For example, the "Four Horsemen of New Atheism" were Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Daniel Dennett, and Sam Harris, one of the cornerstone members of the Intellectual Darkweb.

Not to say that every New Atheist is some sort of protofash, a large chunk of them became leftists. I guess what I'm saying is that "The fact that some people began as New Atheists but ended up idolizing the highly spiritual Jordan Peterson is evidence in my eyes that those specific people never really cared about the whole Atheism bit."

that certainly seems plausible, but also is a much less sweeping statement than what you originally said

"the whole facts and logic radical atheism movement never really gave a shit about religion beyond vapid self-aggrandizement" is a quite different- and much more questionable- thing to say than "people who began as nu-atheists and ended up as Jordan Peterson fans never really gave a shit about religion beyond vapid self-aggrandizement" (probably true, but i don't know whether that population is actually that large)

That's entirely fair! This post was part of a larger conversation I was having a while ago (mainly centered around making overblown fun of Jordan Peterson and the IDW) and I can see why it reads as a weird antagonistic generalization out of context aldkfijebdj.

Fun fact about this post: turns out taking 30mg of Adderall on top of 400mg of caffeine is "medically inadvisable" and can make your thinking "disorganized"