Racing Turtles

Sorry to vent, but I'd been accumulating a lot of heat and needed to disperse it into the surrounding environment before thermal expansion put the components out of spec

I will not allow ppl to continue promoting the ridiculous pasquenade that Medieval literature is all schmalzy moralizing and sexless in a world where Geoffrey Chaucer once made me see the art of seduction referred to as "bring[ing] her to the prick" with my only good pair of seeing eyes

Source: It is known among the wise

So I used to be a pizza deliver driver, and that was pretty great for me; it made me feel like a video game character doing Quests. And when you started your shift as a driver, you got a wad of 15 singles for making change which was deducted from your tips at the end of the night. And this was back in the very early 20teens so $15 American just so happened to also be the price of half a tank of gas and a pack of Marlboro reds, so it was often also a sort of interest-free loan.

Now, a trope in pornography which was once so common that I myself have never actually seen a genuine portrayal of it but only seen it parodied runs thusly: A brave hero is delivering a pizza to some beautiful person who, upon receipt of the pizza, says, "Unfortunately I don't have any money; could I perhaps cover the cost of the pizza with sexual favors?" And always the hero agrees to this Faustian bargain which I'm sure must seem quite reasonable to you uninitiated civilians.

But, see, I'm making minimum wage. I have no savings. And I already spent my bank on half a tank of gas and a pack of Marlboro reds. So I'm $15 in the hole, and do you know what happens when you don't cash out at the end of the night? The manager calls the cops, and the cops come to your house. Mr. Domino is gonna get his $15 back by hook or by crook. I seen it happen. So if I accept the beautiful person's modest proposal, I'm mortgaging future tips against the $15 *and* the price of the pizza--which can get up there, depending on the order--and if I don't fix those books by the end of my shift, that could get to be a real pain in my ass.

Just doesn't make sense, y'know, from like a business perspective. Maybe it'd be worth a gamble. Maybe if it was like a beautiful woman who was a service top and also a werewolf, maybe you roll the dice and hope for the hard 6. But you gotta be risk-aware, is all I'm sayin.

My boyfriend was showing me his cat and I leaned over to kiss the cat on his soft little baby head and he went "meow" and scrambled away because I'd been wearing my headphones and I accidentally jabbed him with the microphone.

And I said "Damn, this is exactly like in the Iliad"

#explanation: this references the scene where Hektor the prince of troy goes to his wife after a battle and leans in to kiss his son #(who is still a baby and being held in andromache's arms) #but his son cringes away in fear of his father's battle helmet #it's a gut wrenching scene about how war dehumanizes you and separates you from the people you love #this interpretation implies that being a gamer is analogous

Irt the whole hbomberguy thing im also glad more ppl are talking about that thing where Online Guys who just hate all of women will very openly talk about their very generalized misogyny but say like "cis" or "white" or "straight" in front of it so it sounds Progressive

"Mother tongue" is a linguistic term referring to what I get at your house when your dad's not home

Being on this site when The Ace Discourse was in full swing was mad weird. It felt like I just woke up one morning and all of a sudden everybody hated me and thought I sucked shit for not being as interested in boning as they were and that went on for like 4 years until one day it just kinda petered off and now we pretend it didn't happen

I'm convinced Ace Discourse was some sort of dancing plague

My favorite thing about the John Wick movies is how all the background characters seem just completely unconcerned with everything going on around them.  Nobody ever like tries to call the cops or anything.  This must happen all the time.

“Hey, I’m gonna be a few minutes late today… . Yeah, it’s the assassins again… . I swear, every gddamn day with this shit.”

“Hey, did you hear about Frankie?”

“Nah.  What happened?”

“Assassins got him.  Did gun karate all over him.”

“Aw, damn, that sucks.  Anyway.  Did you catch the game last night?”

Nah actually my favorite part is still in the second movie when we found out that the guild of assassins has an extensive administrative bureaucracy made up entirely of ambiguously-gendered alt girls dressed like old-timey bank tellers.  That was super weird but in like a cool way.  The fact that everyone seems to think this is normal is my second-favorite part.

#My head Canon is that everything in the John wick universe runs on the same degree of secrecy #Like plumbers have codewords and guilds and secret knocks #Taxi drivers are split into seven distinct factions distinguished by their medallions #The assassins are actually the most normal ones there

My blog is a safe space for burnouts, flakes, layabouts, ne'er-do-wells, underachievers, and anyone who can't be arsed

I like to imagine that everyplace else in the Full Metal Alchemist world is just normal. Like people in Xing are looking at maps like "And over here we've got the perfectly circular military dictatorship where every other person is an evil wizard. Not a recommended vacation destination."

Obsessed with the implication that the country where succession is being decided based on which of 50 different heirs brings the current leader the secret to immortality first, is normal

Well that's just politics

#Amestris is notorious for picking fights with all of its neighbors and also you can sense the screaming souls of the damned there#person in charge of running the now defunct Xing-Amestris railroad that's mentioned like once: you're back early#Xingese trader: ground's haunted#railroad person: pardon#Xingese trader loading a gun: ground's haunted#fma(via@clonerightsagenda)

In a couple hours I'll be done with Edward Gibbon's 'Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire'

Ed really shoulda just stopped at 476. He clearly had very little knowledge about or interest in medieval and Byzantine history (as he himself points out in several editorial asides) and the last thousand years are a real drag.

Decline and Fall of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire

I'm gonna start talking about shit like Honor(tm) and Reputation(tm) now because every time I try to suggest we maybe stop saying horrible things to people for no good reason, somebody always hits back with a complex consequentialist argument for why it's actually totally morally justified when they tell sexual minorities to kill themselves, so how about this: Every time you DM someone "kys" you are doing incalculable damage to your kleos, and if we're mutuals then that's going to damage my kleos, and kleos is the only immortality available to we who dwell not upon Olympus. Girl your shifgrethor is in shambles.

They got all these followers but no mægen

A doctor saying "Good news! Your labs look great" is like if you were watching a cop show and the chief walked in like "Great news, everybody! The best news! The killer is still at large and we have no leads."

People who try to moralize about classical myth are unwittingly acting as a chorus. Discussions are framed and interspersed with rueful cries of "Why is The King so capricious and manipulative? Why is The Queen so vengeful? Why did Death steal that girl away from her mother?"

"You've become part of the Greek chorus! You're taking part in the mythology with your lamentations! Good luck recovering from this one bub!"

Really don't like this trend of people using "wholesome" as a synonym for "bloodless and celibate"

Not to be like "You kids don't know about The Past" but 20 years ago I could scrape together $15-20 American and go to pretty much any big retail store and buy a whole video game all at once, and I just had it and owned it forever and could put it in my very own Windows computer and play it whenever the fuck I wanted to

I'm gonna be the opposite of "You kids these days have it easy." @ all the zoomers who look around at the world you find yourselves in and think "damn, this stinks": You're right! It stinks like hot dogshit! I tried to stop it but there was only one of me.