nasa: we're going to shoot three rockets directly at the sun during the total eclipse. for study and research purposes.
me: oh cool
nasa: we have named the rockets apep. this stands for atmospheric perturbations [in the] eclipse path.
me: oh cool
nasa: apep is also the ancient egyptian deity of chaos and darkness, who ceaselessly seeks to extinguish the sun. we launch these rockets directly at the sun in the name of apep.
me: oh... cool?
lots of times if I tell my boyfriend that I am proud of him for dealing with a situation, or that I'm sorry he's having to deal with a situation, he will say "no it's my own fault." meaning that he feels like he doesn't deserve praise or comfort for dealing with a situation that is his fault. (for example a financial problem caused or exacerbated by him having been too anxious or absentminded to deal with the situation sooner.) and I tell him this and I will tell y'all this, that I don't believe that. I think you are even braver and stronger for taking steps to deal with a mess that is of or partly of your own creation, because you have to cope with guilt and shame on top of the thing itself, and because you're fighting against the same ingrained dysfunction in yourself that caused the mess. that's like the bravest and most constructive thing you can do and you should be proud and I am proud of you.
also, mistakes don't mean you deserve to suffer
my absolute favourite thing about the kirk and spock dynamic is that the whole time you’re watching the show spock is gaslighting you into thinking that kirk is this loose canon and spock is paragon of logic keeping his captain on the straight and narrow when its very clearly the other way round. aside from the being turned on by everyone and fighting like an old-timey boxer…. kirk is just like.. quite a logical, stable guy. like yeah he rules with his emotions but he’s rarely reckless or erratic, even in situations of immense pressure he’s always calm and measured. sure kirk is unhinged and insane, but we knew that right off the bat. spock on the other hand tries to hide how insanely balls to the walls crazy he is by standing next to jim and hiding all his derangement with logic. i think the reason bones beefs with spock so much because he is the only one who has noticed that spock is an absolutely unhinged individual. (jim is too busy doodling <3 mr jim spock <3 all over his briefings to notice)
my mom didn’t believe in lying to children so when I first asked about santa claus as a small child she was like “oh santa claus is another name for a man named saint nicholas who lived a long time ago. he was a very kind and generous man and he loved giving people presents and he would do things like put presents in people’s stockings when they were hung up to dry by the fire, so they would find them and be surprised. so now when we give presents at christmas it’s fun to pretend saint nicholas or ‘santa claus’ brings them. and we hang up stockings by the fire and when we get up in the morning there are presents in them, just like if saint nicholas was still alive to bring them!”
so that thanksgiving one of my uncles said jovially “so mac, are you being good for santa claus?” and little (not quite three year old) mac looked up and raised an eyebrow and said witheringly “he’s dead.”
lots of times if I tell my boyfriend that I am proud of him for dealing with a situation, or that I'm sorry he's having to deal with a situation, he will say "no it's my own fault." meaning that he feels like he doesn't deserve praise or comfort for dealing with a situation that is his fault. (for example a financial problem caused or exacerbated by him having been too anxious or absentminded to deal with the situation sooner.) and I tell him this and I will tell y'all this, that I don't believe that. I think you are even braver and stronger for taking steps to deal with a mess that is of or partly of your own creation, because you have to cope with guilt and shame on top of the thing itself, and because you're fighting against the same ingrained dysfunction in yourself that caused the mess. that's like the bravest and most constructive thing you can do and you should be proud and I am proud of you.
also, mistakes don't mean you deserve to suffer
I really need kenneth branagh to stop giving poirot tragical backstories and insinuating that he has a gigantic moustache to hide his tragical backstory scar and detective prowess to hide his broken heart. is it not enough for a man to be prissy, vain of his fancy facial hair, and super duper good at solving crimes because he-- and I quote-- "does not approve of murder"
my mom didn’t believe in lying to children so when I first asked about santa claus as a small child she was like “oh santa claus is another name for a man named saint nicholas who lived a long time ago. he was a very kind and generous man and he loved giving people presents and he would do things like put presents in people’s stockings when they were hung up to dry by the fire, so they would find them and be surprised. so now when we give presents at christmas it’s fun to pretend saint nicholas or ‘santa claus’ brings them. and we hang up stockings by the fire and when we get up in the morning there are presents in them, just like if saint nicholas was still alive to bring them!”
so that thanksgiving one of my uncles said jovially “so mac, are you being good for santa claus?” and little (not quite three year old) mac looked up and raised an eyebrow and said witheringly “he’s dead.”
very important interaction with the baby today!!! he loves knocking things over and destroying things which is all good fun but my sister is trying to teach him to ask permission before destroying something somebody else has made. so I had made a little playdough snowman with a little hat and the baby laughed and said “no ma!” (snowman) and then went to squish it. and my sister said “auntie mac made that though. so you need to ask her before you squish it”
he tried to ignore her and squish it anyway but she shielded the snowman with her hand and said “you need to ask first, buddy” and he got his absolute saddest upside down U mouth expression of thwarted misery and his eyes filled with tears, and my sister said “do you think if you ask her she’ll say yes?” and he looked up at me and then back down with his sad sad face. very clearly coping with the fact that he did not want to have to ask. it was not about whether I would say yes. it was about something else very deep seated and human
and finally after a minute or so of my sister coaxing him and giving him a script and him looking absolutely miserable he said “aahh ma. ba siss” (auntie mac, [may I] squish) and I said “yes you may!!! yay!!!” and he squished it. but very thoughtfully. clearly still processing how it felt to have to think about somebody else before taking a desired action
then he said “aaahh ma. mo no ma” (more snowman) so I built another one and he went to squish it and my sister said “remember to ask first!” and he hesitated but much less this time before asking, and smiled this time while squishing it after I said yes.
very important brain wrinkle formed!!! 🥳
i already kind of knew and tried to practice the mental health "treat yourself like a beloved child" thing but it's a lot more visceral when I think about my brain and body in terms of baby nephew
like when he gets cranky and starts rubbing his eyes but doesn't want to be parted from what he's playing with to go take a nap: he doesn't realize that the reason he feels funny and sort of bad and his eyes are extra blinky is that he's tired and needs a nap. he just knows he feels funny and sort of bad and his toy helps distract him from that
same with me when it's past my bedtime. I just have to be my own gentle adult and be like "ah, I recognize these feelings. we are not actually in the throes of existential despair; we are simply sleepy! okay how about this: let's trade this fun distracting toy for a sleepytime toy! here is our nice audiobook! and our comfiest jammies! we love our jammies :D"
(me, my parents, my sister, and the baby are sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch)
baby, pointing at the light fixture over the table and signing "on": o.*
my sister: we actually can't turn that light on right now, because the lightbulb inside is burnt out! it needs a new one.
baby: ighbu.
sister: yes, lightbulb! granddaddy said after we eat he's going to climb up there on a ladder and change it, and then the light will come on!
baby: gadada! adda, uuu! ighbu o!
sister: exactly!
baby, signing "on" and pointing at the light and then my dad, with increasing urgency: GADADA ADDA UUUU. O.
my sister: we're going to finish eating first though, ok?
baby: nonono. O. gadada adda uuu.
[a split second goes by]
baby, pointing to himself: ba. adda uuu. ighbu.
me: you're going to climb the ladder and change the lightbulb yourself?
baby: dzyeah. *pointing to the buckle where he is buckled into the high chair* ububu.
me: unbuckle you? so you can change the lightbulb?
baby, highly businesslike: dzyeah.
*pronounced like "on" without the n
