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Racing Turtles

@zenosanalytic / zenosanalytic.tumblr.com

"Why run, my little Phoenician?"
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unpretty

ideas i like for wonder woman within sorrowful and immaculate hearts, none of which are really set in stone i’m just thinking out loud:

  • diana is made of clay and it shows in her coloration.
  • she was sculpted to amazonian ideals of beauty so she’s got an aquiline nose and a strong jaw and thick brows and wide hips and broad shoulders and everything about her just looks STRONG and SOLID.
  • 40s diana had real curly hair and i want to go back to that.
  • she’s always had blue eyes because any really old comic character ends up having those because of coloring difficulties. but anyway. i like a ridiculously pale blue. they’ve barely even got color in them. they’re almost more silver. it is gorgeous and terrifying.
  • i want the hidden ocean kingdoms of dc to be bros. atlantis and themyscira, adjacent and allied. united in their agreement that those dudes on the mainland over there are some batshit motherfuckers. maybe they have traditionally always had a queen in atlantis and part of taking his rightful place as ruler was that aquaman had to prove himself to hippolyta. this is turning into aquaman ideas but i want these two to be bros and i am keeping jason momoa aquaman as far as looks are concerned.
  • amazons are immortal and their ideals are basically peace and love and yet they have a reputation for kicking the most ass? even though they theoretically live on secret magic island? so what if they are like mercenaries, except instead of fighting for money, they fight when there is an enemy so thoroughly counter to their ideals that they cannot be borne. and they always win their battles, but it isn’t always enough to win the war.
  • diana is hundreds of years old and has been through a few of these. hippolyta would love to keep her home and safe, but she represents all the hopes and dreams and ideals of the amazons and that means she has to punch nazis. she can’t not punch nazis. nazi punching is in her magical blood. she gets a special uniform because she is the general leading the charge.
  • she becomes like a mythical figure? the first writings about diana within man’s world are not in english so they have gone from being in themysciran to something else to something else to english. claims of a woman showing up out of nowhere to kick a bunch of ass seem dubious at best and like a bad translation. woman of wonder sounds a lot better in themysciran. not all of the context and connotations really survive the switch to wonder woman. it’s not that big a deal for her, though.
  • that would mean that the first time bruce i-know-every-damn-thing-just-in-case wayne sees wonder woman he probably just thinks that this is the latest wonder woman. he is surprised that she is real but it takes some doing to convince him she’s as old as she is. he is still dubious. the clay thing does not sound like a real thing. that sounds like the amazon equivalent of the stork. is she 100% sure she knows where babies come from. he should not have asked that. no you don’t have to show him. it’s fine. he has decided the clay thing makes perfect sense and this conversation can be over now.
  • amazons usually stay on themyscira because trying to fight all injustice all the time would destroy them. also it would be meddlesome. it’s very hard to find an enemy that is objectively bad enough for them to come out and fight. and like i said, sometimes their help just isn’t enough. emotionally that takes a toll. hippolyta is still angry about the conquistadors. or anyone who brought a plague with them, really. you can’t punch a plague.
  • the reason diana ends up staying around a while is because there are people like superman and batman and the flash and whoever else, all trying to fight against injustice constantly. clearly, within their culture, there is a precedent for doing the thing that she has always wanted to do. that makes it okay. she is totally not violating the prime directive. they have pizza and cat videos now. it is very important that she learn more about these new technologies, because reasons.
  • she has a lot of different costumes. so many. most of them show off her arms and her back and her thighs because LOOK AT ALL THESE MUSCLES, GET REKT. if you think she does not flex when she knows people are looking you are wrong.
  • amazons have a certain amount of telepathic ability but it requires physical contact and for both parties to be open to it. what diana’s lariat of truth actually does is bypass those requirements. amazons honestly consider it to be her most terrifying and awful weapon because it bypasses consent.
  • speaking of which i still like aphrodite’s law but “losing your powers if you allow a man to bind you” should be more literal with the ‘allow’. it literally requires consent. which you would think would mean it’s not really something to worry about but really it means that the only thing that can kill an amazon is trusting the wrong man.
  • hippolyta gets so anxious, her daughter is so trusting, please be friends with fewer men p l e a s e
  • diana having a connection to animals because she’s been blessed by the goddess of the hunt is cool and i’m keeping it. don’t try to sic attack dogs on diana. they are her dogs now.
  • wonder woman’s flight is a lot more… forceful? she is made of earth, she likes to stay on the earth. her flight is generally toward something, there is a real weight to it and a sense of inertia. unlike superman, who is a floaty motherfucker who can just drift around aimlessly like an asshole. diana is capable of a more weightless flight, it just requires a more meditative state that can be difficult for her to achieve. because she has shit to do.
  • i am sticking with 5′11″ diana because a couple centuries ago she was the tallest person around but all y’all have been eating your wheaties lately because you got tall
  • there is a lot of lore even through a lot of reboots about diana not being able to take her bracelets off. sometimes she loses her powers, sometimes she goes into anime berserker mode because NOW HER LIMITERS ARE BROKEN WITNESS HER TRUE POWER. which i will be honest, as awesome as i think that is, i am not keeping that. have you ever seen what someone’s arm looks like after being in a cast for a while. it’s gross. diana takes her bracelets off to shower because she is a civilized person and these are not flimsy little friendship bracelets you can wash around.
  • sometimes she pretends not to understand idioms because she thinks it’s funny to see who tries to correct her and the lengths they will go to in order to try and explain it to her. bruce does not fall for this anymore. fool me once, shame on you. fool me twenty-eight times, and i am starting to think you might be fucking with me.
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