We have an actual record of this one, here’s a translation of the original Minorca Chronicle from Louis des Balbes de Berton de Crillon’s journal after he invaded in 1781:
"The fort has surrendered but many rebels are still entrenched in various caves across the island. We have burned over one dozen powder caches and taken numerous prisoners. While exploring the northern cave under the Ramis oak tree, we discovered a pungent aroma believed by our guard at first to be rot, but later identified to have emanated from a pale cream which in turn was oozing forth from the backmost northeast walls.
"We spoke to members of the former fort of Ramis and his son, who directed us to the Caldés family. Their patriarch explained that the cave had always dripped with this substance since his own ancestors found it in the early 1620s. They recorded that the substance was organic and indeed, even edible, though only a few his own family found it to be a pleasant flavor.
"We gathered two stuckfasses of the substance, one of which we have sent to King Carlos and one which we have held in the fort to conduct studies upon. These studies have thus far shown the substance to be high in fat, with little else but stiff-bile (translator’s note: cholesterol). Some of the men have taken to consuming it on their sandwiches, naming it for the Mahón shore, as “Mahonaise.”
"I sent Pasqual to excavate the area and discover the source of the Mahonaise, and when he did not return, Sergio took a party to discover him. Though they did not find Pasqual, they did find the wall of Mahonaise breached, and inside they found the remains of a crude settlement with a bed and several manuscripts, all of which contained pornographic woodcut imagery of colossal demonic beasts. Sergio surmised that the substance was indeed the seminal emissions of several such demons.
"I have not had the heart to inform the men who enjoy this substance on their sandwiches, so I have ordered the galley to replicate it as best as they can using eggs, spices, and oil. The men do not seem to have noticed and thus, are returning to their families in Spain with much “Mahonaise,” unaware of the dubious origin of the legitimate substance."
Modern Mayonnaise producers have thankfully found the original demon beasts again and all Mayo sold in America and Europe is the genuine fluid.
And no, it cannot ever be cancelled. It is eternal.
