Racing Turtles

Fascinated in a kind of appalled way with Anon's emotional reaction here. Like to me the pastiche of the missionary painting is an expression of already having been made to feel "sick and sad " BY the cutesy kawaiicore mascot quietly sporting the almost comically racist missionary necklace. If the art is INTRODUCING the feeling of being "deeply disturbed" into the conversation going on around the mascot for you, uh, that's bad, man. You have fallen for propaganda that isn't even trying to hide that it's aiming to appeal to you by painting anime eyes on a blob with a big head. Luce is not a little girl; it's an ad campaign purchased to make people more receptive to a political entity's objectionable intentions by giving them an easy to imprint on face. Please interrogate your instinctive responses to images slightly more deeply than this.

This is just what grocery shopping is like right now.

The most impressive flair of completely worthless coding on this website is how if you click the like button there's an animation of a heart rising from it, and if you manage to click THAT heart it unlikes the post. No one would ever attempt this maneuver on purpose. I have done it by mistake 5000 times because the rising heart floats directly above the button to expand the tags on a post when I'm on my phone. ...Actually, I have yet to catch the broken heart animation that falls down when you slaughter the rising heart. Would... Would that re-like the post...?

Many brave scientists in the notes have now confirmed it DOES re-like the post! Most of them have also politely apologized for spamming me with notifications by testing it, which is how I learned that if you like and unlike the same post twenty times op still only gets one notification tops on the current activity page. :( I want to see the same name fifty times in a row and know they're doing science. :( (For the record this seems to be the same whether you have notes bundled or not.)

What jars my modern sensibilities about the blood transfusions has never been that they're still three months out from the discovery of blood types. That's fine. What always gets me is how they keep earnestly prescribing people who have just lost a lot of blood a restoring slug of alcohol.

Van Helsing: Now, you have given much blood. Rest, and have of you the port wine. me: juiced box

*turns off the light*

my cat, who can still see perfectly, watching as I bump into a table: Ah, she has toggled the switch that controls whether she is stupid.

I’m not going to put this on the post itself, but I stared at this for like ten minutes wondering why it made my brain fritz before realizing it’s because it seems appropriate on the surface, but it’s kind of…the other way around?

Which is freaking weird given the general impressions these characters leave. If you were asked to sort them as the Emotion Boy and the Manly Man, the instinctive choice seems obvious. But their respective responses to negative emotions are, uh.

Jason: *fires a semiautomatic into the air* NOW THAT YOU HAVE LISTENED TO MY TWELVE POINT ESSAY ABOUT WHY I HAVE A GRUDGE AGAINST YOU, Jason: I will assign you three very specific tasks to get back in my good graces. Jason: They’re impossible. I hope you like ‘Scarborough Fair’.

Dick: *stops acting fine exactly long enough to start a fight with a scapegoat over something more justifiable than why he’s really upset, punches them until the fight artfully destroys his shirt, then goes back to repressing and working out the rage shakes on bank robbers*

(Sometimes he can cajole himself into asking for advice from dubious sources ((Bruce when he’s being written as emotionally inept; Deathstroke???; civilians with no information about his situation)), which is at least adjacent to talking about your feelings.)

In conclusion: Alfred: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Master Dick? Dick: No. But how are you doing, Alfred? You’ve looked tired recently. Jason: I do. Alfred: We know, Master Jason. Jason: I’m mad. Alfred, looking very tired indeed: We know, Master Jason.

#you gotta corner dick to get him to talk about his shit and even then hes shifty about it #crouching on top of the fridge w his issues behind his back going IDK. HOW SHOULD I KNOW. ITS FINE #boxes his shit up and puts it on a shelf in a mental storage closet that is literally glowing its so radioactive #black sludge leaking out under the door and shit. the elephant foot is in there (deadchannelradio)

GLORIOUS tags.

I understand the appeal of wanting every adult hero to instinctively adopt teenage Peter Parker, but can it really beat the hilarity of acknowledging that at 15 Peter was 5'10", unusually buff, went by a moniker with Man in it, wore a creepy full face mask, and had a tightly guarded secret identity and probably a Queens accent thick enough to have come out of a jello mold, and adult heroes reasonably responded to him by going, “Wow, this grown man is an immature asshole for no reason.”

Way funnier to me than adult heroes finding out Peter is a teenager and becoming Concerned is the idea of adult heroes Retroactively finding out Peter Was a teenager because he admits to being like. 22 and they’re like “Hang on you’ve been doing this for like. Seven years.” and he’s like “Haha crazy right? Anyway it’s too late for you to yell at me about that because the statue of limitations on that lecture ran out when I turned 18”

YEAH this trope is instantly more tolerable if it’s fully adult Peter being like, *listen up whippersnappers because I’ve been around the block voice* “I’m thirty, and—” and Tony Stark, who vaguely assumed Spider-Man is maybe two years older than him because he just has that energy and hasn’t reassessed this for four presidential terms, is like, *drunkenly doing math* “You’re how many”

Okay but…them trying to talk about Old People Stuff with him, not realizing that he wasn’t alive to remember xyz thing happening, never used xyz technology bc he didn’t exist yet, not expecting him to agree with the fact that some ppl were saying songs they grew up to were oldies, etc

The thing about Peter Parker is that he was raised by senior citizens the way other heroes are raised by wolves. He has the body of an Olympic gymnast and the soul of a malcontented geriatric. This likely contributed to the perpetuation of the accidental ruse.

It’s when he channels Aunt May so hard he makes it sound like he was personally and immediately affected by McCarthyism that the time traveler fringe theory starts really picking up bets.

@blackkatmagic @north-peach

I agree here, but Parker is ALSO canonically a science and technology nerd. Peter ALSO likes to talk, because he’s nervous, and snarky banter is how he copes, but he tries to avoid any sort of identifying information, creating a situation where he just kind of mirrors whoever he’s talking to, and nobody can agree what age he is. (Marvel characters barely have canonical ages, so I’m making this up) Tony Stark (Late 30/ Early 40s), Comic book ages are fake) has had heated arguments with spider-man about the Starkphone’s latest specs, while also complained loudly about Oscorp, is convinced that Spider-Man is a 30 something engineer, is similarly convinced that Spider-Man probably works for him, and keeps trying to drop hints that like “You know, I respect you, you don’t have to hide from me because I’m your bosses’ bosses’ boss”. Hawkeye (Early 30s) Human Disaster/Secret Agent has reminisced with Spider-Man about being a human disaster, is convinced that Peter Parker is, like, 28 at the youngest. He knows Spider-Man doesn’t collect a SHIELD paycheck or anything, so his mental image is a pretty accurate take on most Adult Spider-Man versions. Brilliant kid struggling to make rent on a studio apartment in Manhattan.  Black Widow (Age ???), Professional Spy actually clocks Spider-Man as a Teenager pretty reliably, but doesn’t believe her own assessment, because this is America. American kids play basketball and worry about Prom, they don’t do this stuff. I mean, yeah, it’s possible, since he has powers and such, but no, he CAN’T Be as young. She refuses to believe it.  Captain America (Mentally late 20s, chronologically almost 100 years old) has no idea what kids are like these days. But he’s been studying 20th century history, and Spider-Man has mentioned an Aunt he’s close with who lived through some specific events. Assuming that this “Aunt” is, like, 20-30 years older than her nephew, instead of 40+ years, he believes that Spider-Man is solidly in his 30s.  Bruce Banner (40s): Is convinced Spider-Man is also an Adult, but for opposite reasons. In Bruce Banners mind, Kids are rude, and Spider-Man has always been very polite to him, therefore, an Adult, although perhaps a youngish one. With his knowledge of Science, Banner imagines Spider-Man as a PHD student.  Thor (Age ???? But quite old) Knows that Spider-Man is an adolescent. How old are adolescent humans? 42? That sounds about right. Spider-Man is a 42 year old adolescent who lives with his Aunt. That aunt, who Thor has picked up is quite wise and venerable, is probably somewhere around 500 years old? 

It’s bizarre, isn’t it?

When I was writing him, he was always sort of twenty-three, maybe twenty-four in my head. Yet… not. And also: married. (shrug)

Oh well.

*bolts upright suddenly* Oh, Toph didn’t need to have a life-changing field trip with Zuko because she didn’t have a preexisting strong negative relationship with him. I get it.

#also suki met him once when he burned her village #and then he showed up and broke her out of prison #so like #theyre even? #her preexisting negative relationship with him was probably over shadowed by his crazy sister #so they can bond over that (theclichefortunecookie)

This is the FUNNIEST way to put this, like can you imagine this being your first two encounters with somebody? What the heck.

In the Twitter poll I felt nothing, but now it's like, you know what. You know what. I didn't scroll past hundreds of fanworks depicting Cecil as a skinny blond in a purple sweatervest with a third eye and rolled up shirtsleeves revealing thematic sleeve tattoos just to NOT campaign for him against Reigen, whose twinkification was performed by the working professionals at Studio Bones. This is about TUMBLR sexymen, and by god what does that mean if not having to make up an entire design from scratch.

One of the funniest tricks English can do is the sentence "Do you, like...like-like me?" I hope this makes translators across the globe cry.

fantasy novel: *three page description of food and drink*

murderbot, presumably: Skip, skip, skip skip skip skip--

Thinking about the time I tried out a fiction podcast and got bored immediately but left it on for the whole first episode because my cat was visibly invested.

She likes the sound of measured human voices. One time I was talking and she got so enthusuastic she body slammed her side into my face, cutting off the sound and breaking the spell, which frightened her into the next room.

OP's cat will love NileRed

This is the first time anyone's ever entrusted me with a media recommendation meant to be forwarded to my cat.

We talk about ART frantically cleaning when it heard Mensah was going to come aboard at the end of Network Effect, and I would like to add to this vein that because of HelpMe.file Three is also going to be like, THE DOCTOR MENSAH? FROM BRAIN TV!?

dr. ayda mensah, superstar in the Murderbot Friend Group AI community

Danez Smith, “I’m Going Back to Minnesota Where Sadness Makes Sense”

transcript:

I’m Going Back To Minnesota Where Sadness Makes Sense

O California, don’t you know the sun is only a god if you learn to starve for him? I’m bored with the ocean I stood at the lip of it, dressed in down, praying for snow I know, I’m strange, too much light makes me nervous at least in this land where the trees always bear green. I know something that doesn’t die can’t be beautiful. Have you ever stood on a frozen lake, California? The sun above you, the snow & stalled sea—a field of mirror all demanding to be the sun too, everything around you is light & it’s gorgeous & if you stay too long it will kill you & it’s so sad, you know? You’re the only warm thing for miles & the only thing that can’t shine.

Sorry couldn’t leave this in the tags

Oh I absolutely wanted somebody to copy this. That was bait.

tags via @aethersea

tags via @krchy-tuna​

IS THAT A GOD? IS THAT A RESPITE?

Yes, I love fun Tumblr memes such as:

“People are saying mask-wearing might become a seasonal practice” God I hope so I’m tired of getting breathed on every flu season and honestly they’re kind of fashionable.

As someone with immune system issues, this is the longest in my LIFE I’ve gone without getting sick. I would be so grateful if people keep wearing masks seasonally or at least when you have any symptoms that might conceivably be a transmissible illness. A mild one or two day cold for a healthy person can take me literally a month or more to recover from, so thanks for masking up and not spreading your germs!

i had a perfectly healthy immune system before this but like, i haven’t had so much as a cold in a year and a half now and i am LOVING IT, i never want to breath anyone else’s air again