Racing Turtles

Really says something about the dire state of offerings for men interested in sewing their own clothes that even searching things like "interesting men's clothing patterns" brings up articles with links to four or five whole websites that primarily offer admittedly nice but practically identical patterns for making button-ups and work pants and maybe a varsity/bomber jacket if you're lucky.

(Branching out into historical costuming for everyday wear is like your one shot at variation, and even then, the ratio of men's to women's patterns on every website is frustrating to say the least.)

Patternmakers as a trans man I am begging you. Give me a little more to work with here.

Like it's also hard if you're buying your own clothes, don't get me wrong, but there are at least more retailers that offer fun and quirky clothes for guys if you do a little digging.

And some of that comes down to print choice, where you obviously have significant leeway if you're making your own clothes, too, but the erasure of men who sew by society writ large has wreaked absolute havoc on the selection of sewing tutorials and patterns aimed at men and people interested in wearing menswear. It is uniquely frustrating to be a man who wants to sew interesting things, not just wear them.

I wasn't expecting this to take off, but since so many of you seem to have resonated (or at least sympathized) with this, I thought I'd offer some links to some of the fun patterns I have been eyeing lately

(Last but not least, I would be remiss not to mention Norah Waugh's The Cut of Men's Clothes, which is a book and not a pattern retailer might be best for slightly more advanced sewers, but I did make a really excellent 1600s cassock using a pattern from it that has gotten a lot of compliments as everyday wear!)

Frustrating as the men's sewing landscape is, there are still some fun things out there, and it's worth the digging! I vote we all make weird clothes and start a fashion revolution.

Cosplay and LARP patterns are worth a look, though the ratio is still very skewed. You need a good eye for what patterns are plausible though, and how to adapt them for different fabrics. That's another part of this problem - you have to be good with patterns to be able to make the stuff but how do you learn the 101 stuff if you have to jump right into pattern drafting?

Genuinely fond of the booping mechanic as a way of getting some playful interaction with some of the folks who follow me that I am fond of and always appreciate seeing in my notes, but for whatever reason aren't currently mutuals. I tend to keep my dash fairly small and curated, just for personal reasons, but I truly am very fond of many of the people who've been following me for years, or who clearly share a number of overlapping interests, or who think of me fondly even though I'm a relative stranger, and it's fun to have a cute little way to poke those people throughout the day.

(This post is also my way of saying I appreciate a lot of you, whether you've been here for years or are a relatively recent follower; it's nice to have a little corner of the internet where I can be truly weird and I'm glad you're here)

Frodo may be Bilbo’s actual adopted nephew, but Merry and Pippin are his younger cousins, and Sam is his old gardener’s son whose family he clearly has a soft spot for and who he taught to read and write, and Gimli is the son of one of his old adventuring friends, and Legolas is, similarly, the son of the Elvenking who named him an elf-friend, and we know Aragorn is canonically his friend as well, who he very possibly could have met as a small child in Rivendell when he passed through, so really, like 7/9 members of the Fellowship are people he can employ weird elderly relative (or the honorary equivalent thereof) energy on if he wants to and I think that’s very powerful.

the fellowship is 7 people who Bilbo Baggins can employ weird elderly relative energy onto PLUS 1 person who can employ weird elderly relative energy onto Bilbo Baggins PLUS Boromir.

My sister was telling me that she and her girlfriend went on a ghost tour for their anniversary, and at one point the tour guide mentioned there was a spooky haunted doll down inside a vent but phone flashlights usually weren't powerful enough to see it, so my sister whipped out the industrial-strength flashlight she carries in her purse at all times and the guide exclaimed "Oh! We should have lesbians on every tour!"

On the one hand I would prefer a functional government, but on the other, the sheer comedy and Schadenfreude of the House Republicans descending into petty, humiliating chaos while the Dem folks are showing up with literal popcorn and chanting for their own Speaker nominee like this is a high school sports game is filling me with manic glee.

This is the current state of American politics

The Fellowship gets on the topic of their ages one night and Boromir comes to the dawning realization that he has absolutely no idea how old any of his companions are supposed to be at all

Boromir, pointing at the hobbits: I don’t know how your ages work

Boromir, pointing at Legolas and Gimli: I definitely don’t know how either of your ages work

Boromir, pointing at Aragorn: I thought I knew how your age worked but apparently I was wrong

Boromir, pointing at Gandalf: I especially don’t know how your age works

Gandalf: It doesn’t, but carry on

Listen I will die on this hill. I don’t care what it says in the assorted apocrypha, if you go by the Actual Text of LOTR you can make a very good argument that Boromir is the youngest member of the group. 

The hobbits are the only ones given official ages in the text, and are between fifty or fifty-one and twenty-nine. Elves and dwarves notoriously age slowly, and Gimli is the offspring of one of Bilbo’s pals, so okay, we’ve established that he’s old enough to call the hobbits young, and Bilbo confirms for them that Aragorn is Pretty Old For A Bigjobs. Gandalf is, of course, eternal.

But we are never given any context for Boromir and Faramir’s ages, except that a) they are humans and, though Sons of Gondor, not much longer lived than most Bigjobs, and b) Faramir is A QuiteYoung Man. I was absolutely convinced, when I read the books as a youngun, that Boromir, being in ‘the flower of manhood’ iirc, was probably between 25 and 30.

And it would be Freaking Hilarious, okay, for Boromir to finally get around to actually asking how old this baby-faced hobbit carrying The Ring is, and get told ‘oh, he’s only fifty, but he’s very steady for his age.’

Boromir: ?!?!?!

And then Pippin and Merry start asking everyone how old they are because this is fascinating are we all official adults here except for Pippin or what.

Boromir: …. Pippin isn’t an adult HOW OLD IS PIPPIN.

Pippin is just 29, which is why everyone calls him Pippin, it’s gonna be at least another 20 years before he can make Peregrine work. Why, how old is Boromir?

Boromir, who would rather DIE than admit to being 28 right at this moment: …. 43. 

All the others, weighing up his apparent age compared to theirs: Sure, sounds legit. 

Gandalf, who knows for certain, does not say anything because he is absolutely certain that telling Pippin that he’s older than Boromir will be an unmitigated disaster. 

BOROMIR is the BABY???????!!!!!!!

Love the take that Boromir’s canon age is just him being a fucking liar.

Forever obsessed with the fact that even the in-universe annotation in the appendices talking about how Legolas brought Gimli along to Valinor with him is like “We don’t actually know how they managed this. By all accounts, it doesn’t make any sense”

Gimli: So you know I’m on board with this, obviously, but like. If the world is flat for you, and it’s NOT flat for me, and the boat is only supposed to be able to get there the flat way…

Legolas: ?

Gimli: What happens if we’re both on the boat?

Legolas: I don’t know, but we’re gonna find out

[Insert title card reading MYTHBUSTERS: ARDA EDITION]

Frodo may be Bilbo’s actual adopted nephew, but Merry and Pippin are his younger cousins, and Sam is his old gardener’s son whose family he clearly has a soft spot for and who he taught to read and write, and Gimli is the son of one of his old adventuring friends, and Legolas is, similarly, the son of the Elvenking who named him an elf-friend, and we know Aragorn is canonically his friend as well, who he very possibly could have met as a small child in Rivendell when he passed through, so really, like 7/9 members of the Fellowship are people he can employ weird elderly relative (or the honorary equivalent thereof) energy on if he wants to and I think that’s very powerful.

the fellowship is 7 people who Bilbo Baggins can employ weird elderly relative energy onto PLUS 1 person who can employ weird elderly relative energy onto Bilbo Baggins PLUS Boromir.

Concept: Embroidered QR code jacket patch that leads to the YouTube video of Risk Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up”

:3c

Hey, you are doing the MOST important work