saw someone say "an 11-year-old isn't even supposed to know what sex is and if you do something horrible must be happening to you and you need to get out of there" like can we be for real for a moment. have some people honest to god never heard 11-year-olds making sex jokes in their life

and let's be honest. if something bad was happening, good sex ed would help them recognize that. trying to shelter children from even knowing what sex is doesn't help or even work, it actually enables abuse. teach them about consent

if an eleven year old has been kept entirely ignorant of what sex involves and then something horrible DOES happen to them, how the fuck are they going to be able to understand what happened and why it was wrong and how to ask for help

as an aroace person with limited sexual experience, no interest in watching porn, and poor sex ed as a teen, there IS something simultaneously funny and vaguely tragic about being 28 adult years old and realising how extremely tiny your frame of reference is for genitalia and deciding you should expand this to better understand bodies (yours and others). and then you're just there like "okay so what the fuck do I even google right now, anyway"

Large Labia Project

Labia Library

Breast Gallery-Nonsexualized Images of real, anonymously submitted breasts

Critique My Dick Pic [tumbex archive]-real submitted dick centric nudes

thank you (i think?)

why wouldn't it be thank you? you expressed interest in sexual education materials related to genital body diversity, and i keep these resources on hand for exactly that purpose.

it's natural to be curious about bodies--yours and others. the presence or lack of sexual intent motivating that curiosity is irrelevant. they're just body parts

I also found one of my favorites I couldn't find this morning: The Great Wall of Vulva and their Labia Library

sorry, my gratitude was real, my uncertainty was @ me ("am i sure i actually want to spend my evening looking at genitals or was i using the difficulty of knowing what to google as an excuse not to learn things") lol

do you have any resources for trans bodies, especially transmasc bodies? i am interested in better understanding what changes i might expect as someone on testosterone, but though i found references to photo projects re: bottom growth in a few places, all the links were dead

totally, the London Transgender Clinic and Dr. Keelee MacPhee have a variety of before and after photos related to various gender affirmation procedures.

i think that r/GrowYourTDick is the best repository of images of specifically trans masculine bottom growth. I can't comment on the culture of the forum, but there is absolutely a lot of images of transmasculine genitalia and extensive discussion of physical changes.

For (relatively*) trustworthy information, Hudson's FTM Resource Guide contains a lot of information about medical side effects and Things To Generally Be Aware Of, like increased risk for yeast infections and tips for managing locker rooms/swimming. *I can't verify that this information is up to date

I'm not directly connected to any trans masc transition support networks, but i know that discord is a thriving space for transition support and information sharing. i think it would be relatively easy to find positive community there. they often compile resources and information for members as well as provide topical discussion spaces. here's the disboard listings for public trans masc oriented servers

and this is just a really beautiful series of portraits of trans masculine people.

that about taps me out on resources!

no, I lied, I'm not done. I spent way too long looking for this photography archive documenting trans nude portraits specifically. lost to the ether. found other stuff though:

Archive of Body Alchemy: Transsexual Portraits by Loren Cameron, which includes images of genitalia in its "Genital Reconstruction" section, page 46. Portraits of clothed trans masculine people other than the author begin on page 34 in the "New Man Series."

A Genitoplasty Diary by Lou Sullivan (1984-1987) (no images but fascinating)

the evergreen Trans Bodies, Trans Selves

not useful at all, but an extremely cool in-browser recreation of a 90s mac in order to run a 90s trans information CD-Rom.

thanks! sharing for the sake of anyone else interested too

yeah there's so many dead links out there it's tragic. sometimes you even get as far as the artist's website and they'll have a page for the project but then the project is gone and you just get a 404. i'm guessing the increasing hostility of internet providers and stuff towards nudity/nsfw content and also the general atmosphere for trans people has an impact on the safety and practicalities of continuing to host stuff like that :(

I wish kinky sex ed wasn't so stigmatized even among left-leaning "sex positive" circles. Everyone's all "uwu I'm a sub I'll do anything you ask" okay mommy wants you to read The New Bottoming Book so you learn how to sub without hurting yourself since your sex ed up to this point is porn and your ex boyfriend Jared who liked to choke you incorrectly

I’m so glad you asked! Let me list off what I’ve got for you:

Books I personally recommend:

- The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy

If you’re having kinky sex at all, you need to read at least one of these two books. Point blank. They’ll teach you the very basics of negotiating properly (which is critical!), and help you identify what you are and aren’t into.

- Mindfucking Mindfully, by Sir Ezra Where this book really shines isn’t actually in helping you “mindfuck” people, it’s in taking a close look at how to do so ethically. It’s a great answer to the question “how do I get someone to consent to something and still surprise and shock them with it?”

- Real Service by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny This is a slightly niche pick but there simply isn’t a better book on the subject. It’s written from a 24/7 M/s perspective, which is not what I do, but the book itself is an indispensable guide to giving and receiving service. The phrase “if the Master doesn’t want it, it isn’t service” will be burned into my psyche for quite some time. I love this book a lot. Maybe my favorite out of all of these.

- Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation, by Princess Kali This one’s high on my reading list; I’ve heard it recommended by a number of people whose opinions on these things I trust.

- Pretty Much Anything Midori Has Ever Done Midori is a great resource for this stuff - I haven’t personally read much of her work, but she’s a well known sex educator and great at what she does. She’s known for bondage, but has a lot of range beyond that.

- This Negotiations Worksheet from Bex Talks Sex This is what I default to using a lot of the time for negotiations. Forget BDSMtest, you don’t need that, it’s no good. Just look through this worksheet’s wordbank with your partner. Big fan especially of the “how do you want to feel?” section.

Books I can kind of recommend:

- The Ultimate Guide to Kink, edited by Tristan Taormino This book is weird. There’s a lot of good info for experienced players, but some of what’s written here skeeves me out. I think if I had a top that thought the way some of the tops in here think, they would not be topping me for long. But there’s some good techniques and so on to pick up that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I liked the distinction one of the authors makes between being sadistic in the sense of inflicting pain and being sadistic in the sense of doing something your sub doesn’t “enjoy.”

- The Ritual of Dominance and Submission, by David English Man, this book fucking sucks. The writing and editing are garbage, and the fear and protocol play described need way more careful negotiation than he ever lets on, let alone recommends. This is some 50 Shades bullshit. The only time I recommend this book is to tops like me who tend to be very affirming to their partners and need a guide on how to really scare them - when their partner consents and when you negotiate it, which this book sucks at teaching you. Really good content on fear, punishment, and protocol play, really terrible presentation of the topic though. Don’t read this if you don’t already know what you’re doing.

- Paradigms of Power, by Raven Kaldera I love this book. Great book. Very focused on 24/7 M/s play though, and, being an anthology, some chapters are better than others. If you can’t read something and pick out what is and isn’t for you, don’t bother. But some really great inspiration, and generally pretty well written. Big fan of the discussion of leather throughout the book.

Hope some of these are helpful for people ^-^ for the average person reading this I recommend New Bottoming/Topping, but they’re all important parts of my library and I’ve recommended all of them to friends at some point or another.

May I also suggest Hell on Wheels and Kneeling in Spirit by Raven Kaldera, d/s companion books that address kink with a disability. They're a should read for everyone, imo. You never know when you or a partner are going to have changes in your body that affect what you can physically do. Temporary illness/injury and even just age can affect your sex life.

I'd like to suggest Better Bondage for Every Body! It goes really in depth on anatomy, pain processing, self-tying, and has chapters specifically focusing on how to do rope bondage on/for someone who is disabled or has chronic pain, which was really important to me.

reblogging specifically for these last additions bc I don't think I've ever seen resources for kink w/ disability

quick are you mythologizing sex again? are you making it seem like a special category of human behavior rather than just a thing people do? are you forgetting that it can be silly or fun or simply pedestrian? are you forgetting that it requires conversation and negotiation just like every other human activity that involves other people?

things that are extremely normal to say and do not kill the mood or remove the romance or anything:

I don't want to put on like 2014 Sex Positive Educator Voice but like I promise it's not that special or scary and you don't have to completely change your behavior to have sex, it's normal and healthy to talk about it and negotiate and figure things out as you go. and when I see people say things like "I feel like it would be weird to stop and put on music/adjust positions/etc" I feel like that's part of mythologizing sex? like there's not some magical mood that you will ruin by speaking up or making some adjustments or setting something up. it's okay I swear.

The funniest/saddest thing about this is that cumming frequently(1-5 times a day tho i think most professionals rec 3) is actl really good for your health. Like for the bedicked: NOT cumming at least once a day will 1)increase your chances of impotence, 2)increase your chances of PROSTATE CANCER, and 3)Increases your chance of HEART DISEASE, passed the age of 40.

Like: these dumb conservative asshats, in their rush to defend the traditional disgust for masturbation and enforcement of monogamy(which is really PRETEND Monogamy cuz "traditional marriage" also often includes rampant cheating by both partners as study after study after study has shown), are ACTIVELY breaking their dicks :| The Bepenised who masturbate regularly will have functional, tumescent cocks well into their silver years, while these fools might as well be punching themselves in the balls 30 times a day for all the good they're doing their reproductive health.

(Also and related: just want to link The Wiki for Joycelyn Elders, the US Surgeon General Clinton fired for being publicly pro-abortion and pro-masturbation, a Socrates for the modern era uwu uwu uwu)

Dying on the hill that you can lower the rates of csa by a significant amount by just giving minors comprehensive sex ed and treating them with a basic level of respect the same way you would any other person

I’m basing this on what I’ve learned from listening to csa survivors. Making it harder for predators to prey on them means they get preyed on less.

I don’t care if the useless bandaid solutions that many have proposed are less uncomfortable for people. I care about what actually works.

Lotta posts on here about multiple orgasms but very few posts on here acknowledging people who take time to finish, can only cum once, or don't even have the goal of having an orgasm every time they have sex. You're not unsexy. You're not broken and it doesn't mean you're having sex wrong. Once I heard someone say the goal can just be "feels really good" and it was like the first damn time it occurred to me due to the whole *frustratedly gestures at stigma around not cumming during sex*.

Let's also not forget that even experienced, attentive partners can need guidance to make someone cum. Everybody's body is different. There's no shame in asking someone what they like, what kind of motion, how much pressure, or which spots are most sensitive, etc.

It's honestly not a big deal if you're not a sex god who can make them cum every time.

The only way to have sex wrong is to not respect everyone's consent and to not communicate.

Also just laugh about it. Experiment. Get weird. The more comfortable you feel around someone when you don't cum the easier it is to cum.

Let me give you liberals a quick lesson in high school biology; if you're a boy, you have a bussy, and if you're a girl, you have a shenis. Any questions?

And for all you limp lefties blowing up my dms, non-binary people have a potluck dinner every Thursday at around 7:00 p.m.

Yeah, that doesn't prevent pregnancy.

Dfgajagakala it’s so you don’t get a UTI 😂

*facepalm* So, given that sex ed in the US is a tire fire:

Vagina-having people have a shorter urethra, which means we’re more prone to UTIs because the bacteria doesn’t have to travel as far to get up into your bladder and cause a problem.

Which means if you’re exposing your bits to bacteria (as with sex), peeing will flush out bacteria in the urethra. (Urine isn’t actually sterile - that’s a myth - but you’re *supposed to* have a little bit of bacteria - that’s how bodies work. But it still flushes things out that shouldn’t be there.)

Oh! You should ALSO pee after you masturbate, especially if it involves penetration with fingers/toys/etc

So I’ve blocked like five transphobes on this post, which I feel should have been relatively uncontroversial.

If you’re one of the people saying “You meant ‘women’”, fuck you. I meant “people who have a vagina, regardless of their gender or lack thereof”, and you can go fuck yourself with a cactus.

And you should pee afterward, so you don’t get a UTI.

I wanna scream but you know what in a world where providing the public a sexual education is a goddamn debate this is possibly not as ridiculous a belief as I'd like.

The clitoris is a visible structure that appears as a small protrusion on the outside of the body, towards the front, above the vaginal canal. The size of the clitoris is varied from person to person but normally is the primary receptor for pleasurable sensation during sexual activity.

Saying it doesn't exist is like saying the penis isn't real. And that makes me wanna crawl under a table and stay there

The glans clitoris (head of the clitoris) is a visible structure that appears as a small protrusion.

The clitoris is a wholeass organ, homologous to the penis (developed from the same tissue), largely internal, with bulbs that enfold the urethra and vagina. It's about the size of the palm of your hand. It engorges with blood during arousal in the same way the penis does, and it can be stimulated both externally and internally (through the walls of the vagina).

It's one of those wholeass reproductive organs that reproductive health classes sometimes just kind of skip.

For reasons. You can probably guess. :p

Actual Sex Ed Questions I Have Been Asked By Actual Teenagers

There are few things that bring out the “judgey” in people quite like unplanned pregnancies or sexually transmitted infections. People who avoided both of these things through sheer luck alone often feel perfectly justified in sneering at people who took the same risks that they did, but with different results. And while most people are willing to accept that there’s a connection between socioeconomic status and things like graduation rates, incarceration or future income, suggesting that there’s a connection between “growing up poor” and “getting pregnant young” will often get you an eye roll and a preachy lecture about “keeping your legs closed”. 

I spent two years working at an educational non-profit for homeless teens and young adults, where the pregnancy rate was through the roof and STIs were rampant. When some of my friends and acquaintances rolled their eyes at all the girls with baby bumps coming in and out of my office, I tried to explain that most of the teens I worked with had never had access to comprehensive sexual education, even in progressive Canada, because many of them had missed huge chunks of school due to the general chaos in their lives. Even the internet wasn’t that helpful; most of my clients only accessed the internet at public library computers, where looking at pictures of genitals is both embarrassing and frowned upon. And besides, these kids had no idea that there were gaps in their sexual education - you’re not going to Google something that you’re pretty sure you’ve mastered. They didn’t know enough to understand that there were things they didn’t know. But when I tried explaining this to people, I got a whole lot of “Safe sex isn’t that hard! There’s nothing to know that they can’t figure out for themselves, they’re just being careless!”. 

I could quote statistics all day long for why comments like that aren’t helpful, but instead of rattling off numbers, I thought it would be more interesting to demonstrate the enormous education gaps that a person can get without access to comprehensive sex ed by showing you some of the very real questions that I answered during my time working with homeless youth. Many of these are questions that can absolutely make the difference between pregnant/non-pregnant and STI/no STI, and many of them are not things that people instinctively know. You might be surprised by how many you yourself don’t know the answer to. 

I forgot to take my birth control pills for three days in a row. Does that mean I should take three pills today?

I took my birth control an hour late. Does that mean it’s not going to work as well?

My boyfriend says he’s too big for regular condoms but my friends say he’s full of shit. Is it even possible to be too big for a normal condom?

How do I know if I have HPV?

I didn’t get the HPV vaccine when I was a teenager, and now I’m in my early 20s. Is it too late to get it?

I’m a gay man with a latex allergy. Should I use membrane condoms?

Can I still have sex while I have a yeast infection?

What is a micropenis? How small can a penis be and still be “average”?

Can guys orgasm without ejaculating?

My penis curves downward when I’m hard. Is this normal?

How long is it supposed to take to reach orgasm?

Is Plan B the same as an abortion pill?

I didn’t bleed when I lost my virginity, is that normal?

Is losing your virginity always painful for girls?

What are my chances of getting pregnant if I only use condoms?

Do straight couples need to use condoms for anal?

Why don’t people use female condoms as often as they use male ones?

My boyfriend and I are using the pull-out method. Is it actually riskier than condoms?

What’s the best way to keep from getting pregnant?

I answer lots of these questions on a daily basis!! Please don’t be afraid to ask your doctor. We want to help you get or not get pregnant and feel good about it!

Since they don’t teach gay sex ed in school let me tell gay guys and anyone else that wants to use the back door that douching is bad for you. It will cause long term problems.

Also starving yourself all day will not work because sometimes it can take up to two or three days for something to move through you.

Just eat a bunch of fiber and use the bathroom at least an hour or two before your booty call if you can. If you hate eating fiber just get yourself some fiber pills to take with meals. If you eat enough fiber the section after the colon should remain relatively clean on its own. Just wash the outside part. Not your insides. Those clean themselves.

Also if he shames you for anything that happens by accident in the bedroom and/or refuses to use a condom he’s a jerk-wad and an idiot and you should dump him.

Yes! It dries out your colon and makes you more susceptible to micro-tears in your anal walls and makes it more likely that you’ll get constipated. There’s also a small but real chance that you could get a perforated bowel which is a medical emergency. It also washes away a natural layer of mucus in there which, while gross, is necessary.

Doing it once in a long while is probably fine but it’s not necessary unless you’re doing something super intense that goes up into your colon and you’re not willing to clean up afterwards.

If you absolutely must, use clean douching equipment and lukewarm water with a teaspoon of salt per cup of water dissolved in it. The salt mixed in will keep the water from dehydrating you because yeah, that’s another risk of douching. Your body has a very specific balance of salt it wants and plain water will sap away some of that.

Also remember to use lube, kids! It reduces your risk of getting an STD or a minor injury!

Not applicable to me, but I've always been an advocate for inclusive sex education.

Stay safe!

Douching is also bad for vaginas for anyone on this thread with those. They are self-cleaning as well and putting soap up there can mess with your ph balance and increase your risk of yeast infections. Just take a piss before and after sex to avoid a UTI and let your parts take care of themselves.

It’s when you squirt water up one of your holes to “clean” it. It’s unnecessary and bad for you but unfortunately a lot of people do it.

Hey, gang! This post isn’t a safe space for homophobes, transphobes, or slut shaming! If this info isn’t relevant to you then you can just scroll past it!

Actual Sex Ed Questions I Have Been Asked By Actual Teenagers

There are few things that bring out the “judgey” in people quite like unplanned pregnancies or sexually transmitted infections. People who avoided both of these things through sheer luck alone often feel perfectly justified in sneering at people who took the same risks that they did, but with different results. And while most people are willing to accept that there’s a connection between socioeconomic status and things like graduation rates, incarceration or future income, suggesting that there’s a connection between “growing up poor” and “getting pregnant young” will often get you an eye roll and a preachy lecture about “keeping your legs closed”. 

I spent two years working at an educational non-profit for homeless teens and young adults, where the pregnancy rate was through the roof and STIs were rampant. When some of my friends and acquaintances rolled their eyes at all the girls with baby bumps coming in and out of my office, I tried to explain that most of the teens I worked with had never had access to comprehensive sexual education, even in progressive Canada, because many of them had missed huge chunks of school due to the general chaos in their lives. Even the internet wasn’t that helpful; most of my clients only accessed the internet at public library computers, where looking at pictures of genitals is both embarrassing and frowned upon. And besides, these kids had no idea that there were gaps in their sexual education - you’re not going to Google something that you’re pretty sure you’ve mastered. They didn’t know enough to understand that there were things they didn’t know. But when I tried explaining this to people, I got a whole lot of “Safe sex isn’t that hard! There’s nothing to know that they can’t figure out for themselves, they’re just being careless!”. 

I could quote statistics all day long for why comments like that aren’t helpful, but instead of rattling off numbers, I thought it would be more interesting to demonstrate the enormous education gaps that a person can get without access to comprehensive sex ed by showing you some of the very real questions that I answered during my time working with homeless youth. Many of these are questions that can absolutely make the difference between pregnant/non-pregnant and STI/no STI, and many of them are not things that people instinctively know. You might be surprised by how many you yourself don’t know the answer to. 

I forgot to take my birth control pills for three days in a row. Does that mean I should take three pills today?

I took my birth control an hour late. Does that mean it’s not going to work as well?

My boyfriend says he’s too big for regular condoms but my friends say he’s full of shit. Is it even possible to be too big for a normal condom?

How do I know if I have HPV?

I didn’t get the HPV vaccine when I was a teenager, and now I’m in my early 20s. Is it too late to get it?

I’m a gay man with a latex allergy. Should I use membrane condoms?

Can I still have sex while I have a yeast infection?

What is a micropenis? How small can a penis be and still be “average”?

Can guys orgasm without ejaculating?

My penis curves downward when I’m hard. Is this normal?

How long is it supposed to take to reach orgasm?

Is Plan B the same as an abortion pill?

I didn’t bleed when I lost my virginity, is that normal?

Is losing your virginity always painful for girls?

What are my chances of getting pregnant if I only use condoms?

Do straight couples need to use condoms for anal?

Why don’t people use female condoms as often as they use male ones?

My boyfriend and I are using the pull-out method. Is it actually riskier than condoms?

What’s the best way to keep from getting pregnant?

I answer lots of these questions on a daily basis!! Please don’t be afraid to ask your doctor. We want to help you get or not get pregnant and feel good about it!

Reading the “Fucking Trans Women” zine and realizing we are taught literally bupkiss about penises (about any genitalia really) so the myth that we’re all forced to know everything about dicks and nothing about vaginas is super false

And knowing that penises are just clitori and clitori are just penises is like, dude …meat is meat

The way people talk about dicks is insane, like I’m always anti-body shaming but now I’m extra “stop being weird about penises!”

whenever i see people posting like "i jerk off sooo much... sometimes i masturbate multiple times a week... sometimes even every day -_-" it makes me want to scream, not at them just like in general. that is well within the range of normal you have been lied to by a boatload of stigma around sexual desire and arousal and especially jerking off. as long as you are taking care of your other responsibilities and your body and your relationships it is okay to get off when you are horny and in an appropriate setting 👍

People in the BDSM and kink communities are the only people who are normal about sex, actually, and we should all learn from them.

I think everyone should familiarise themselves with the theory for such key concepts as consent, rejecting a sexual practice for yourself without judging it morally for others, sub drop and how it can happen even in the most vanilla sexual encounters, and aftercare and how it’s often needed in even the most vanilla sexual encounters (but often treated as a joke and something to ridicule).

Summary for those who haven’t read the links:

Sub drop is basically getting the endrophin high from sex and then crashing hard from it. You just had an amazing, intense experience, so why do you want to cry??? Why do you feel weird and empty and alone? Even if you don’t get the outright crash, when the horniness fades, it catches up to you just how vulnerable you’ve been, and it’s natural and common to feel a little lost and alone after that. Contrary to what the term implies, you don’t need to be the submissive party to experience this. Note how much vanilla sex culture ridicules this (”crying after sex” jokes, etc.).

Aftercare is the antidote to sub drop, it’s the post-sex affirmation that things are good and you are safe and appreciated. Common forms include cuddling, ice cream, taking a warm shower together, wrapping yourself in your fuzziest softest bathrobe available and general relaxation together. Comfort and reassurance. Note how much vanilla sex culture condemns people as “needy” for wanting this kind of treatment, or for being upset that their partner just walks out on them after sex. (The people being condemned as “needy” are usually women, but I don’t even want to think about how much men certainly need this comfort too but feel like they can’t ask for it without being seen as un-masculine.)

This is what I mean when I say BDSMers and kinksters are the only ones who have this shit figured out. None of these things are actually exclusive to BDSM and kinky sex, vanilla sex for everyone would be SO MUCH BETTER if these things were part of universal sex ed.