Racing Turtles

Fortune.exe

this is too stupid to edit the post about but I realized I used the wrong term for using bones for divination. Oracle bones are a very specific kind of ancient relic from China and thereabouts, where diviners would carve questions about the future into livestock scapulae or turtle plastrons, burn the bones until they cracked, and then interpret the question's answer from the pattern of the cracks. The thing where you throw a bunch of bones on the ground and interpret the pattern they make when they come to rest is called, appropriately, "bone throwing" or osteomancy (from the Greek osteon, bone, and manteia, divination), and is an ancient form of divination still practiced in different forms by various communities worldwide.

You can even buy throwing bones on Etsy, if you're so inclined:

Know Your Bird-Related Auguries.

Original comic post.

SMBC ◆ PATREON ◆ INSTAGRAM ◆ TWITTER ◆ STORE

Funniest (fantasy) way to find out you're trans I think. Assigned male by ancient prophecy

You cant be in the closet theres a fucking prophecy. You have to kill the dragon.

LETS FUCKING GO!!!! CULT OF THE LAMB MULTIPLAYER

GOAT FRIEND

CULT OF LAMB AND CLOAK OF GOAT, HANDS ENTWINED THEIR FOES THEY SMOTE.

WOOL OF WHITE AND BEARD OF BLACK ABOUNDS IN ONE WHAT OTHER LACKS FERVID THRALLS AND MYSTIC FIST THOSE OPPOSED REDUCED TO MIST

The Muse has fled u_u Someone plz continue my Prophecy u_u u_u

2024 tumblr: yea im jackin it to this clown vore video but im only into these kinks ironically

the deed is done

magical day

the funniest part about this is that it was wrong about the irony XD

the year is 2024. homestuck has long since faded into obscurity. I cut out an article on the unpredicted rise of the juggalo party this presidential election, pinning it to my cork board coated in a layer of various clippings, maps and photographs held up with tacks connected by colorful string. meteors. excerpts from pesterlogs. clown sightings, some salvaged from 2016. one of the few surviving photos of andrew hussie flutters to the ground. his expression, enigmatic. his prophecies, invaluable.

Fuck it, classics predictions for Tumblr in 2024

@why-is-everyone-prophesizing

#STOP PROPHESIZING(via@arrows-for-pens) XD

Got a prophecy from an oracle; apparently I'm gonna get jumpscared by something I see today. Guess they don't know I found their dumb pop-up skeleton outside my window already.

...yep, there it goes, nice sound effects but you gotta get up earlier in the morning to spook THIS wizard.

---30 CENTURIES LATER---

Hi guys and welcome to another Prophecy Review! As always, we'll be going through old prophecies I've received to see how they panned out in practice. This one's from almost three millennia ago!

Ah, but it looks like I forgot to record what it actually was. Scrying that far into the past might lead to slight inaccuracies but we should still be able to AGH JESUS CHRIST SKELETON WHAT THE FUCK

galwednesday: #imagine being a clairvoyant cafe owner and using your powers to prank former child star Macaulay Culkin #the culmination of years of work #at last the prophecy is fulflled

these are my predictions for how the right wing will evolve in 2014

gonna resurrect this one last time just so everyone knows that i predicted gamergate

[id: a tweet from “kat, your DM” @kazzbotz. “Whenever you’re obsessed with stopping a prophecy you gotta ask yourself: am I enacting the peophecy’s will? Is my obsession the mechanism by which the prophecy comes to pass?” end id]

today i had dinner at my favorite little hole in the wall mexican restaurant and as i was leaving i made sure to hold the door for an older lady behind me and as i stood outside getting my uber figured out the lady walked back up to me very nervously and said “you’re gonna think i’m a crazy lady but it was just put upon my spirit to tell you this: you’re god’s favorite” and she continued to apologetically tell me how she doesn’t know what it means but she was compelled to tell me that i’m god’s favorite. basically what im saying is so long suckers

this would’ve been normal portland crazy behavior but i wasn’t in portland and she was just totally normal. except that she couldn’t ignore the voice of god telling her to tell me i’m his favorite

This memory popped up on Facebook and it’s eerie because it’s from 2018.   We didn’t know there would be a Netflix Sandman series yet.  It wasn’t announced until 2019.  Also we definitely didn’t know Dream of a thousand Cats would be an animated bonus episode that would be released in 2022 or that David Tennant would provide a voice in the bonus episode AND in The Sandman audio drama…