old half life / portal drawing dump.
fun fact: the background of the one with the resistance trio was rendered in s2fm. my computer could barely handle adding any objects to the scene at all, so most of the things in the background had to be edited in.
happy portal/team fortress 2/my little pony friendship is magic/ fallout day
Hey, y’all remember in P1 when GLaDOS’ Morality Core fell off and then she laughed and said “good news” and her whole tone of voice just switched and it was super chilling and a little gay and it absolutely fucking reverberated down your spine?
Good times.
the subtitles for this. btw
“Cave Johnson here. I’ve received complaints from anonymous employees that our support of the “homosexual lifestyle” is “degenerate” and “irresponsible”. It really got me thinking and I think I found a solution. So good news! We now have 23 vacated positions reserved for members of the LGBT community. Additional good news, we began a new testing initiative on evolutionary degenration with 23 test subjects all ready to go.“
“Cave Johnson here. If you’re experiencing a time loop in which you’re repeating the month of June over and over, that’s totally intentional. We at Aperture Science felt that pride month was not long enough and so we created this loop to let employees experience as much pride as they feel like. To get out of this loop, simply use the pod labeled “Time Machine” in Shaft 6 and then either kill or save the baby on the other end depending on when in the loop you’re on. Don’t worry about the baby’s identity, he grows up to be an asshole.“
“Cave Johnson here, happy to announce that our Rainbow Gel project was a massive success. We have developed distinct gels in every color of the rainbow pride flag. In fact, it was too much of a success, so we’ll be updating our pride flag accordingly to include 75 new colors corresponding to all of our new gels. Word of advice, though, don’t stare at the flag for too long, most of these colors haven’t been tested on human eyes yet.”
“Cave Johnson here, Cave Johnson queer. Get used to it.”
“Cave Johnson here. Caroline just informed me that I am her “beard”. I checked, and I fail to see how I could possibly have grown out of her face. If anybody knows anything about human-to-facial hair transmogrification, please report to my office.”
“Cave Johnson here. Friendly reminder that Aperture employees living prior to the legalization of gay marriage are invited to use our Aperture Science Temporal Matrimony Pod in order to travel to the future with your same-sex partner and get married there. Employees from the future who wish to return to a time before gay people being able to marry are also welcome to use the pod and we’ll make sure to send you to an era well before gay marriage. I’m thinking maybe Late Cretacesous.”
“Cave Johnson here. I’m proud to announce that our plan to hire only female test subjects to prevent them from flirting with our female scientists has been a resounding failure.”
“Cave Johnson here. I’m afraid we’ll have to temporarily pause all experimentation with the Gender Affirmation Beam. The testing itself is going great, the beam is working. But we’re starting to run out of thigh high socks and khaki shorts.”
“Cave Johson here. Shafts 10 through 14 are currently under lockdown due to a meltdown in the Neopronoun Syntheizer. The transphobes up in DC might call that ‘a disaster in the making’ but I call it a win for diversity! That being said most of these pronouns are radioactive so do watch out.”
Cave Johnson here. If you feel a sudden sense of elation and contentness when putting on your new Aperture Science unisex uniform, that is not Gender Euphoria! That’s a hallucinogenic fungus taking over your brain. Take the uniform off immediately and throw it in the nearest incinerator.”
“Cave Johnson here. I won’t tolerate any misgendering of the interdimensional invaders swarming the facility! Their pronouns are they/them and we’re ought to respect that. We’re also ought to shoot them on sight since they’re extremely hostile and bent on enslaving our planet.”
“Cave Johnson here. To all of my suitors and secret admirers: Thank you, honestly I’m flattered. Unfortunately for you, I don’t swing that way. Or any way. I only swing where the wrecking ball of science takes me. Usually into a brick wall.”
“Cave Johnson here. I’ve been thinking. We have gay pride, and we have gender envy. What other deadly sins can we incorporate? Maybe bisexual sloth? Lesbian wrath? I’ll talk to the lab boys about it.”
“Cave Johnson here. Update: The Lesbian Wrath project is postponed indefinitely. My condolences to the families of the deceased. Though let’s be honest, they probably had it coming.”
“Cave Johnson here. For the last time! “I’m reclaiming the slur” is not a valid excuse to shout out loud the killer androids’ activation codes! We picked that word for a reason.“
“Cave Johnson here. I’d like to apologize to Floor 194 Safety Supervisor Doug Blakely for firing him after allegations that he was forcing employees back in the closet. I was not aware that said closet was a literal storage closet for zombified Aperture employees. To make it up to Doug, he’ll be allowed to feed Floor 194 HR Manager Lisa Briant to the closet zombies if he so chooses.”
”Cave Johnson here. A reminder that next year Transgender Day of Visibility falls on Extradimensional Day of Visibility. The lab boys are cautioning me to caution you to be prepared. Do not confuse transgender and transdimensional! Big mistake.“
“Cave Johnson here. To all cishet Aperture employees who volunteered for the ‘Get More Woke’ program, please report to your department’s OR at the nearest convenience to get the alarm clocks surgically removed from your spinal cord. Aperture Science apologizes for the misunderstanding.”
“Cave Johnson here. Dr. Barnaby from Cyborg Engineering is an attack helicopter. That’s not a transphobic joke, by the way, they literally transformed themselves into an amalgam of human and helicopter. Impressive. Unauthorized, of course, but still impressive. Anyway, we lost track of them, so everyone watch the sky for a mad scientist with blue rotors and machine guns.”
“Cave Johnson here. To the joker who added ‘make the sun gay’ to our quarterly agenda, I hope you’re pleased with yourself. The Astrophysics Department is tearing itself apart with half of them shouting that you can’t make the sun gay and the other half screaming that the sun is already gay. Either way, we’re not doing it.”
“Cave Johnson here. The congressional delegation of Senator Patrick Johnson (no relation) to inspect our facilities had to be cut short due to a mishap with the Gender Affirmation Beam. I’d like to apologize on behalf of Aperture Science to Senator Johnson and her staff.”
“Cave Johnson here. Just the other day, our sign guy asked me ‘Cave, don’t you think LGBTQIA2S+ is a tad too long?’ and I told him ‘First of all, that’s Mr. Johnson to you! And secondly, I actually think it’s not long enough!’ and that’s why I’m adding an ’&’ to the acronym. Don’t know what it stands for yet, but I’ll figure it out.”
“Cave Johnson here. You already know that here in Aperture Science we’re all about gender affirming care. We’ve been at the forefront of hormone replacement therapy since before we knew what these hormones do. You also know that here in Aperture Science we’re all about not getting sued. So everyone be quiet about our role in the Estrogen Cola disaster.”
I don't know how to pixel art, but I had a vision
(Image description: a four panel comic in pixel art.
Panel one: GLaDOS is hanging from the ceiling, saying: I'll be using a...
Panel two: ..."safe"
Panel three: GLaDOS is looking directly at the reader: neurotoxin
Panel four, depicting an Aperture Scientist: Oh, glad it's safe
End image description)
(If I did badly at that, please tell me how to fix it)
Something something the visceral horror GLaDOS must feel after watching Chell for so long, only for her test subject to literally go off the rails and disappear inside of her.
It's such a fantastic reversal of power! In an instant, it changes the genre from Chell's psychological nightmare into Glados's body horror.
This whole time Glados has been creating a psychosexual connection to her lab rat, and now that rat worms its way through her body in a way she can't track.
There's almost an intimacy about the rooms Chell solves being specifically tailored for her to see. They're a dishonest facade, until Chell escapes from the predetermined path and sees what Glados truly is/looks like, and ventures all the way to the heart of her, stripping her bare.
"What if you were a massive mechanical complex and I skittered through your insides and climbed into the heart of your most private and vital organs? And we were both women?"
This too, is Yuri
NO BUT YOU ALL NEED TO UNDERSTAND HOW FUNNY THIS IS THEYRE LITERALLY FILLING A ROBOT WITH BULLETS, LIKE BULLETS THAT YOU FIRE FROM A GUN. NOW NORMALLY FIRING A GUN TRIGGERS THE BULLET TO EXPLODE CREATING A PRESSURE THAT CAUSES THE TIP OF THE BULLET TO BE FORCED OUT OF THE BARREL AT A HIGH SPEED.
WHaT CAVE JOHNSON’S TURRET’S DO IS LOAD A TON OF FUCKING BULLETS INTO THE CASE OF THE SENTRY LIKE IT”S A GODDAMN GUMBALL MACHINE AND THEN USE A FUcKIN SPRING LOADED PISTON TO FIRE IT THAT IS SO UNNECESSARY AND INEFFECTIVE LIKE NO WONDER CHELL CAN RESIST SO MANY BULLETS THE LIKELIHOOD ITD CAUSE ANYTHING MORE THAN A BAD BRUISE IS LIKE ONE IN A HUNDRED
but it’s 65% more bullet per bullet
Wait a second are you telling me
that Portal is such a perfect goddamn game that they even have an explanation for why a video game protagonist can withstand being shot multiple times??????????
They also have an empathy generator immediately followed by an empathy suppressor I love portal
this is so insanely accurate i dont even know what to say
Watch this guy who just played Portal for the first time absolutely lose his mind at the end credits song
#god it's so great to see someone that somehow never interacted with ANY part of the portal hype#and just see them having as much fun as back then when it came out#it feels like a time capsule but it's happening today#god
He calls Valve "the Steam company" and points out that they've also released video games as if it's a little known interesting side fact, so this might just be an age issue. He could've been a little kid when we were all hyped as fuck and memeing the shit out of this game.
#OH MY GOD????#THIS SONG?????#IS INSANE???????!!!!!#WHAT THE FUCK????!!!!?#?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!#i have to play portal. oh my god i HAVE to play portal#AAAAAAAAAAA#gr2103
Yeah we all went pretty feral over this when it came out. You remember Undertale? The hype was a lot like that.
For those who don't know, "Still Alive" was composed by Jonathan Coulton who was one of the more popular musicians working in the genre of "Nerd Rock" which became really popular for a few years in the late 00s.
what is important to understand is that chell is not a woman in STEM. she is a woman trying desperately to get out of STEM
GLaDOS, by contrast, is a woman is STEM
Chell is a woman in STEM and that's the problem
the lesbian computer from portal was right. given the circumstances ive been shockingly nice
"ohh chell never responded to anything glados said" YES SHE DID. she murdered her. and thats yuri
He's gone
i'll light a candle for him
🎂
Gotta do the cooking by the book
never forget the time i played the portal VR demo game at steven’s house and upon being confronted with how BIG glados is in real life scale i had a category 10 lesbian moment
