Racing Turtles

mercystine’s last confessions of love and hate

harrow the ninth // j.c. leyendecker // “barricade” (stars) // harrow the ninth // j.c. leyendecker // “barricade” (stars)

something i love about mercy is that when you meet her the first time it's like. jesus christ what is her problem. and then you spend some time with john and the others and at some point you go ohhh. no yeah she's the only one reacting normally to this situation actually.

SHE WAS JUST A SCIENTIST IN THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME!!!!!

stills below the cut

“The types are a little much,” God said critically. “I really don’t understand the impulse to squash everyone into one personality trait. Well— I do, and yet, knowing you — as I love you, O my hands and gestures, you’re still people. No one says, truly, I am such a Mercymorn.”

“Yes, well, who would admit to that?”

At this point a brief scuffle ensued, as Mercymorn demonstrated her essential personality traits by attempting to stab Augustine with a fork.

“But they will insist on acting like everyone in the Sixth wears glasses—“ and here God strategically inserted his holy leg between the two immortal saints, like a man herding cats — “and raven claw scarves.”

Harrow thought she might have misheard. (In this Lyctor? It’s more likely than you think.) She chanced overt questioning. “My Lord?”

The King Undying looked at her in confusion — her heart sank — and then, worse, laughed, and said “Forgive me, Harrowhark, I have lived too long,” which was straightforwardly blasphemous. “It’s just a story.”

The Saint of Patience rolled his eyes. “My House would kill each other in cold blood for your cultural tidbits, John. If you weren’t God they’d kidnap you just to be a primary source.”

God put his face in his long-fingered hands. “What a thought,” he said, slightly muffled. “Oh, Augustine, some things should really not survive. Thrice daily I lament that I cannot choose the things I remember.”

At this portentous statement, Ianthe and Harrow exchanged a look.

“He’s being dramatic,” Mercymorn announced to no one in particular. “John, don’t be dramatic. You’ve kept your silly little jokes, haven’t you?”

“They’re memes, and I hate them,” said God, sadly.

#he hates them the same way he hates people bleeding out to make him a blood ward #and calling him 'lord' #but also john god is the only person in the universe who knows what my immortal is and that is a heavy burden to bear (via downtroddendeity)

harrow the ninth by tamsyn muir / radical feminist therapy: working in the context of violence by bonnie burrow

i cannot stop imagining augustine and mercy meeting for the first time. with different names, and different lives, and different concerns. with no idea that they'd be chained together for more than ten thousand years and they would never, not even for a moment, learn to like those chains. but eventually they would turn into some kind of love. that the love of their lives would be the same man, and one day, so far in the future they can't even conceptualize it, they would numbly pass a cigarette back and forth as they mutually decided to kill him. that they would clutch each other and cry like children who had woken from a nightmare, and plan to throw themselves into the same sun.

but in that moment they were- what? a pair of grad students paired up for a project? and he was kind of condescending, and she was kind of tetchy about it, and so they didn't particularly like each other. and they didn't know. they had no idea.

augustine and mercy to me are like lesbian exes who dated for a week and it was a low point in both their lives but now they just keep meeting each other through mutual friends. they've each dated all of each other's old girlfriends and they HATE running into each other but their fates are eternally intertwined. every so often they decide to give it one more go and confirm that they still hate each other, the sex is a solid 8/10 but they always have a fight immediately after. It's like that except augustine is just some guy

also how cristabel factors into this is that she's mercy's homoerotic girl best friendship who she's been in love with for the past 10 years and every time mercy fucks someone else she feels a little disloyal because maybe someday cristabel will fuck her and tell her she wants to get married (<- delusional)(never going to happen)

convinced that John held funerals for Mercy and Augustine. he gave one to Cytherea! What I mean to say is— Ianthe, Kiriona, John, and the no good terrible very bad 23-minute long joint funeral

saint of joy 

can't stop thinking about those skeleton lesbians

the other day i was thinking about how the first time i read htn, i was waiting the whole book for a twist about john. specifically, a twist in personality i was waiting for him to 'drop the act', so to speak, and reveal himself as a cruel, intelligent manipulator instead of the most pathetic piece of man i've ever read. but then the twist happened, and it completely blew my mind bc even after the twist, he still is just like that. he exploded the heart of one of the few people who maybe ever really loved him, but he's still just like that. and that hurt even more. the aspects of his nature that briefly endeared me to him suddenly became repulsive and honestly insulting. mercymorn is right, how dare you sit on the couch and discreetly eat peanuts. how dare you tell the child begging you for absolution to get a hobby. he can't even do fascism right. he literally just exists to eat hot chip and lie and that's so INSULTING. it's INSULTING. JOHN GAIUS'S EXISTENCE IS SUCH A SLAP IN THE FACE.

ok i'm sleepy and having emotions and i'm not gonna grab my copy to pull the specific quotes but. you remember that scene in htn where mercy and augustine are arguing. i think it's the "you have rendered yourself unlovable" one. and augustine tells her that he could kill her if he wanted. he could do it without a second thought, could stub her out like a cigarette beneath his shoe, and john would forgive him? john would understand? augustine is his favorite, and they all know it, to such a degree that mercymorn ceases to matter in the slightest?

cool great. now remember that time when john killed mercy? without a second thought? stubbed her out beneath his shoe? and then he turned to augustine and he said, you understand why i did that, right? you know that you're my favorite? you know i love you? she doesn't matter. we can put this behind us. augustine, can't you forgive me?

and augustine says no, john. no, i can't.

cause i'm thinking about that and i'm tearing my hair out. i'm eating the drywall. her death was too far. it was too far and augustine couldn't forgive him. he was right about john, probably more right than he realized, but he could never have brought himself to do it. it was unforgiveable.

Mercymorn the First - Saint of Joy

The flowers in the portrait are pink roses, blue daisies, lily of the valley and wood sorrel.

Whose fault is it no one remembers Homestuck, John?

[video description: a minute and a half sketchy animatic of a scene from Harrow The Ninth  book where Mercymorn hates everyone because they mockingly interpret her scribble of the Beast in not-beastly shapes. ]  I got procreate and I thought: what if I draw mercymorn like fifty times. and then i did. edit: audio is from the audiobook! voiced by Moira Quirk! 

A-FUCKING-MAZING

I’ll reblog every time it’s on my dash, idgaf.