Racing Turtles

I saw a post saying that Boromir looked too scruffy in FotR for a Captain of Gondor, and I tried to move on, but I’m hyperfixating. Has anyone ever solo backpacked? I have. By the end, not only did I look like shit, but by day two I was talking to myself. On another occasion I did fourteen days’ backcountry as the lone woman in a group of twelve men, no showers, no deodorant, and brother, by the end of that we were all EXTREMELY feral. You think we looked like heirs to the throne of anywhere? We were thirteen wolverines in ripstop.

My boy Boromir? Spent FOUR MONTHS in the wilderness! Alone! No roads! High floods! His horse died! I’m amazed he showed up to Imladris wearing clothes, let alone with a decent haircut. I’m fully convinced that he left Gondor looking like Richard Sharpe being presented to the Prince Regent in 1813

And then rocked up to Imladris a hundred ten days later like

Some people have been wondering about the raccoon. Listen. Listennn. Don't ask about the raccoon.

But does the racoon survive the Uruk-Hai? Does he curl up on Aragorn's head, or does he go straight to Faramir? Does he bite Denethor?

My friend. My colleague. My brother my captain my king. I too have been pondering this question, and in my mind there can be only one ultimate outcome.

A few months later

All hail the High Warden of Gondor.

Epilogue: It ADORES Faramir.

Every time I see this post I’m obligated to reblog and make it your problem too!

in fucking tears rn

One of JRR Tolkien’s ideas for Aragorn’s backstory in The Lord of the Rings was that he was actually just three or four generations removed from Isildur himself.

Then how did he survive for the thousands of years between the Second and Third Ages?

The story goes something like this:

Many hundreds of years ago, young Aragorn fell in love with an Elven woman, who exactly resembled Lúthien Tinúviel in shape and outward form.

She called herself Arwen Undómiel, the Evenstar.

He fell for her, and romanced her, and gave himself to her; together they lived in her kingdom, where her magic and her power slowed Time to a crawl for them, while hundreds and hundreds of years passed in the world outside.

At first, the Elven-maid seemed every inch a queen: beautiful, graceful, soft-spoken, meek, and with the manners befitting an upbringing in Valimar long ago.

But over time, Aragorn came to realize that his beloved had a hard, greedy, grasping side, even a cruel streak, which more and more showed itself in unexpected flashes.

Worse, she was not who she seemed to be.

Eventually Aragorn pieced together the secret.

His bride was Sauron, divested of her usual male disguise.

Greatly weakened by the loss of the Ring, Sauron yet maintained strength enough to craft a prison for the heir of Isildur: a false realm of hollow bliss and sterile delights, where the one she thought was the greatest threat to her power could languish in eternity.

A part of herself, wearing a female aspect – the gender she had hidden long ago in the deeps of time, to gain entrance as an apprentice to the smithies of Aule – remained in this pocket world, as Aragorn’s bride: a plaything to keep his attention from the bars of his gilded cage. 

But eventually, Aragorn figured it out.

Eventually, Aragorn escaped.

Thousands of years had gone by in the world outside since Aragorn had been ensnared by Sauron.

Now, emerging from long captivity in a magical sub-realm, he studied the world around him, and learned what had changed and what had endured.

He met Gandalf, and learned much from the Grey Pilgrim, and taught him some things of his own; and, in search of information, he pursued and captured Gollum, who had possessed, and been possessed by, the One Ring for so many centuries.

And, shortly before his ascent to the throne of the reunited Kingdom of Gondor and Arnor, he met his future bride: Eowyn Elfsheen, sister-daughter of Théoden, King of Rohan.

(PS: Christopher Tolkien or another amanuensis may have written this story down as part of the Secret Library Archive Project.)

I ship this now.

My reaction:

“Aragorn’s backstory“ Oh, ok, is this gonna be what the whole Amazon thing is going to be about?

“He meets Arwen“ Yeah ok

“She seemed evil” um, ok…that’s new.

“She was Sauron“

so you’re telling me Sauron was getting ploughed by Aragorn for thousands of years “as part of a fiendish plan to waylay the heir of Isildur”, no other reason, Sauron just lying back and thinking of Mordor, hating every second of it, is that what you’re telling me

LOTR + text post

it's happening

#why do they keep pushing gollum media#why the gollum agenda(via @xaveria)

Honestly wondering this too |:|

they are by far the best cast ever

Follow up:

Facts are facts. @ladycloud @esmesqualor-not-esmecullen

(XD XD XD via @deliverusfromsburb​)

Ok but I really love how the LOTR films use colors/costume design to show Denethor’s power over the other characters

Like: every character in LOTR has their own set of Characteristic Colors™. Denethor’s Characteristic Colors™ are desaturated black and grey:

. These aren’t necessarily Gondor’s colors (I’ll get to that in a minute) but they’re definitely his. In The Two Towers’ flashback scene, Gondor’s soldiers are dressed in Denethor’s black/grey, including Boromir:

But when Boromir leaves Gondor– and is free from needing to carefully Perform in front of his father– he starts wearing his own Characteristic Colors™ instead. These colors are royal red, gold and blue:

(Literally wearing your true colors)

Meanwhile Faramir, unlike Boromir, doesn’t wear Denethor’s colors in the flashback. He wears his own Characteristic Colors™, which are brown/green, bc Faramir does not do what Denethor wants him to do…

….until ROTK, when Faramir surrenders to his father’s will and exchanges his characteristic brown/green armor for black/grey armor. It’s like his identity is stripped away

Similarly, Pippin’s Characteristic Colors™ are blue/green:

But when he enters Denethor’s service:

No individual expression allowed

“But black and grey with no accents are Gondor’s colors–” Nahhh I don’t buy  Denethor’s anti-color propaganda. When Aragorn replaces Denethor, the first thing he brings back is colorful fashion

Aragorn doesn’t wear black and grey, like Denethor did. He wears things that merge the black/white of Gondor with the sort of royal red/blue/gold of Boromir’s characteristic colors

And so at last the tyranny of Denethor’s drab fashion sense was ended

#firstly the lotr art directors knew what the FUCK they were doing#and secondly you think for a second that aragorn son of arathorn would be caught dead in some ugly ass drab grey#even his rugged ranger outfit had tasteful splashes of colour#the man was raised by elves is all im saying

Gender

[ID: tweet by Labour Accelerationists reading, “Watching LOTR on a dodgy website and they’ve replaced Gondor with Gender in the subtitles lol”. Attached are four screenshots from the movie featuring their classic lines subtitled as, “The rule of Gender is mine and no others’,” “None but the king of Gender may command me,” “Gender calls for aid,” and “This will be the end of Gender as we know it”.]

I had to find a picture of this 2017 article again because it's just so iconic.

Lord of the Rings by Lorenzo Colangeli

you know the post

Support me on Ko-fi! - Commission Info 

@linguisticparadox

Forever obsessed with the fact that even the in-universe annotation in the appendices talking about how Legolas brought Gimli along to Valinor with him is like “We don’t actually know how they managed this. By all accounts, it doesn’t make any sense”

Gimli: So you know I’m on board with this, obviously, but like. If the world is flat for you, and it’s NOT flat for me, and the boat is only supposed to be able to get there the flat way…

Legolas: ?

Gimli: What happens if we’re both on the boat?

Legolas: I don’t know, but we’re gonna find out

[Insert title card reading MYTHBUSTERS: ARDA EDITION]

“what if, LOTR but little animated animals.” by jessica a. m

LotR genuinely had no right being as good as it was, how did filmmaking peak so perfectly in the early 2000s with a crazy mishmash cast and a self-made director who only bought a studio because he took out a loan against his house to buy an abandoned paint factory, how come late 90s cgi-video-game-elves look better than high tech movies now, how come nothing else has consistently incredible acting, soundtrack, set design and effects, writing, emotion, platonic affection and pure romance

blushes furiously and shoves my shitty lotr art at u. its just gay shite as usual 

A very merry christmas to @agardenintheshire! Wishing you happiness as great as Eowyn’s gigantic sword in the years to come! :D