#life hacks – @zenosanalytic on Tumblr

every time i rediscover a Life Hack from like 30,000 years ago i feel so stupid i want to kill myself. ive recently started using a normal reed basket i just found by a dumpster to carry shit around my house. i need to bring 8 things from the kitchen cabinet to the stove to bake some cookies. ok i put them in the basket, i carry them to the stove. when im done with each ingredient i place it in the basket. at the end i take the basket back to the cabinet. i do this instead of making 4-5 trips because it's too many items to hold at once. i feel like a genius. i feel like a moron. i love my simple reed basket

#3liza #Life Hacks #Baskets #The Ancient Mysteries #appreciative reblogs

zenosanalytic reblogged

manyblinkinglights

maccharfucker

what is with popular kids and never returning your fucking pens

n1ghtcrwler

Okay so when I was delivering pizzas I developed a system for this because it was a real hassle not getting my pen back on credit card orders.

Keep the cap.

That’s it. It’s that simple. I had this whole thing where I’d covertly pop the cap as I was pulling the pen from my pocket so when I offered it they pulled the pen out from the cap, but that isn’t necessary. The point is just to keep the cap somehow.

Why? Every time I kept the cap, after they were done using it, they would instinctively go to put the cap back on, and the realization that they didn’t have one would break them out of the routine of putting a pen away and remind them that it isn’t their pen. The guy standing there holding a pen cap gets the pen.

Worked every time.

ygiroadrift

Wish I knew this when I was at elementary school

#n1ghtcrwler #Pens #Life Hacks #The Guy holding a Pen Cap gets the Pen #Aphorisms #:>#The Dude with the Cap Gets the Pen #:> :>#informative reblogs

zenosanalytic reblogged

you only need one ice cube tray.

this might be too “deep” for some of you to get but i’ll explain. fill up your ice cube tray with water before you go to bed and in the morning empty out the ice cubes into a plastic bag and put the bag in the freezer. then refill the ice cube tray and go about your day, but empty it and refill it again before bed. you see where i’m going with this? you can just keep putting ice cubes in the bag in the freezer. one tray, infinite ice cubes. you’re welcome

#jitterati #Ice Cube Trays #Life Hacks #the one issue is throughput #if your household uses too many ice cubes you'll need more than one tray to build up a surplus #informative reblogs #minitagrambles

zenosanalytic reblogged

arrows-for-pens

The shoe rack just sold this idea to me. 😍

bussystuff

Wonderful

elegantpaws

GIF by yourreactiongifs

This is genius. Am going to get a few.

They are affordable too, especially at Walmart, Target and if anyone has one left in their town, Kmart.

torisoulphoenix

Wow!!!!

A DIY THAT ISNT USELESS YES

ataleof2men

Now this is some useful content

#Tension Rods #DIY #Life Hacks #Video #informative reblogs

zenosanalytic reblogged

arrows-for-pens

unpretty

ways i have tricked people into thinking i am competent:

bought a really nice looking fountain pen
that sounds like a joke but fountain pens are cheap as shit and when you use one people look at you like you’re a fucking wizard

this hero 901 cost me $3 on ebay and i don’t know why people assume that this is a pen for intelligent people but they do
it works better when i am using a nice notebook and not the avengers notebook that makes it look like the hulk is grabbing my sweet pen
i write in code which for some reason leads everyone to assume that i am some kind of da vinci motherfucker, instead of the reality, which is that i am writing about dicks and don’t want anyone to know
it looks like i am constantly taking notes on everything which is both intimidating and inaccurate, just the way i like it
i bought a usb clicker/laser pointer for $11 and now it seems like i’ve got this shit on lock, like i am so pro at giving presentations i even own accessories
holding a clicker makes you seem at least 10% more like you know what you’re talking about i’m pretty sure
i check the weekly freebies on creativemarket every monday so now i have a huge folder of pro-looking website themes and powerpoint templates and fill-in-the-blank resumes (also a lot of autumnal clipart and watercolor flowers and script fonts but that is less relevant)
i bought a ceramic coffee mug at world market years ago and it makes me look like a productive coffee-drinker because no one knows it’s full of hot cocoa
i don’t know why drinking coffee makes you look busy it just does even though i’m pretty sure it statistically reduces productivity

bonus: not only does no one know i’m just drinking Depression Chocolate but they think i am being Environmentally Conscious rather than Poor As Shit
extra bonus: i can take a sip whenever it looks like someone is going to ask a question and then they ask someone else
i almost never have to answer questions and i leave the room a lot because i have to pee constantly so double extra bonus
“That’s a very good question, and one that deserves an in-depth answer, so if you’d like to leave me your card I’d be happy to discuss it with you later one-on-one” aka “how DARE you suggest i waste everyone’s time answering this question right now” aka “lmfao i have no fucking clue what you just said please let me secretly google that okay”
bonus: now it seems like you are a sophisticated grownup who assumes everyone has A Card and if they have to settle for writing their email on a scrap of paper you can feel smug about it even though in your heart you know that you are no better
i’ve got anxiety and poor impulse control and anxiety about my poor impulse control so i generally say jack shit about shit and this constant silence is often misinterpreted as aloof observation
no one knows that my air of mystery is actually a bad case of the shy and i am too shy to correct them so it works out
when i’m on my laptop and i don’t want anyone to notice how much i’m dicking around i turn the brightness way down so they can’t snoop without being obvious
at least one window of notepad++ with some random html page or css stylesheet in it makes randos assume you are some kind of genius doing some genius shit, unless they are CS major randos, in which case i guess find an intimidating looking excel spreadsheet and hope for the best

#unpretty #Life Hacks #Apparent Success #Social Anxiety #Depression #Lists #informative reblogs