Racing Turtles

okay but dwarves put SO much effort into their tombs already, carving perfect stone and inscriptions and making records to bury kin with kin and everything, let alone for Gimli son of Gloin Lord of the Glittering Caves.

The years of planning and amounts of paperwork and arrangements for the tomb of Gimli son of Gloin Lord of the Glittering Caves one of the Nine of the Fellowship one of the Heroes of Arda the Elf-friend and sturdy and possessor of the three hairs of Galadriel would be IMMENSE

and then Legolas rocks up in Gimli’s final days of life like: ok so I built this boat

Bonus: 

This thing from 2014 is my legacy. It’s got an insane number of notes and it still gets reblogs and likes everyday. I see people tagging it as #aclassic and I’ve met people in real life showing it to me not knowing I did it.

I was looking at it and realised that today, after 10 years I’d have done it the other way round.

I haven’t been in the Tolkien fandom for literally all of these 10 years so I don’t know if it’s been done already but here’s my updated version.

It’s…much funnier to me now lmao

“shit tier ugly ass elf” is Up There in terms of internet phrases that make me laugh every time i remember them

arguably the funniest post ever made

I love the hair braiding trope, but there is some serious debate about whether it's dwarves who have the hair-braiding customs or elves, so I'm here to settle that once and for all.

Legolas, hoping they just seem friendly and doesn't know dwarves have the same hair customs: Hey Gimli, could I help with your hair?

Gimli, hoping he just seems friendly and doesn't know elves have the same hair customs: Uh, sure!

Aragorn, who knows that hair braiding is romantic for both elves and dwarves: ......... WHat

thranduil sleeps calmer knowing even if his son married a dwarf at least he married The Supermodel dwarf and singlehandedly crushed the hopes of single dwarves and dwarrowdams everywhere

this is my headcanon and you will never take it from me.

listen, just Listen for a second, okay.

Gimli Gloinul is from the line of Durin okay, he’s from the line of KINGS, his bloodline stands up against Legolas’ perfectly, if the elves and dwarves got their shit together for a hot second they would be like “YES, PERFECT, A DIPLOMATIC MARRIAGE TO BIND OUR HOUSES TOGETHER AND NEVER SHALL THE TWAIN THROW ONE ANOTHER TO DRAGONS…again.”  because you have a king’s son and a king’s nephew which, well, I love Dain but he’s not an EREBOR KING and GIMLI IS FROM THE FAMILY OF EREBOR KINGS.

And Gimli acts like he’s from the line of Erebor kings, too, okay, he’s a diplomat and a warrior and a nobleman, he’s the sort of person who SAYS things like ‘faithless is he who says fairwell when the road darkens’ and stares down Elrond Peredhil in his own home when his strength and faith are questioned.  And he’s the kind of person who swears his allegiance to people he barely knows because it’s Right and Good and Gimli knows it.

And Thorin Oakenshield was handsome, and his sister the lady Dis is beautiful, and Gimli’s cousins Fili and Kili were fine young dwarrows, and Gimli’s mother is a great beauty.

Basically my point here is that Gimli, proud strong gimli with his firebeard hair and bold laugh and mithril tongue and clever fingers, broke the hearts of everyone in Erebor and not a few people outside of Erebor when he married a goddamn elf.  Like.  Not even Arwen Undomiel (WHO MARRIED A GODDAMN HUMAN, it’s been a weird couple of years in Middle-Earth, everyone wonders strongly if they’ve been drinking too much).  Like he’s not even marrying a great beauty of the elves, Legolas isn’t ugly by elvish standards but also he’s nothing particularly special, and he’s not a great diplomat, and he’s BARELY a king’s son because everyone knows that Mirkwood elves are…a little odd.  Legolas is a big cheerful hunter who sings songs he doesn’t remember all of, who chatters to trees and has no sense of the right thing to say even if he’s developed enough self-preservation to know the wrong thing to say, and FOR THE LOVE OF MAHAL HE FIGHTS WITH A BOW.

“GIMLI” Gloin bellows “YOU TURNED DOWN THIRTY-TWO SUITORS FROM FINE DWARVISH LINES FOR THIS”

“Ignore him, amrâlime, he’ll get over it” Gimli says in amusement as he beckons Legolas over to his forge, where he’s carefully smithing mithril-inlaid gold marriage clasps that will grip fine elvish hair.  It’s too hot in the forge to wear shirts, if you’re working.  Every dwarf in twenty feet stops what they’re doing to watch Gimli’s biceps flex as he holds up a jewel for Legolas’ inspection.

“YOU COULD HAVE HAD A HAREM” Gloin wails from down the hall.

#a headcanon I never knew I needed until this very moment

There are multiple posts saying that Legolas is the Texan amongst the Fellowship of the Ring and you’re all wrong it’s Gandalf. It’s 1000% Gandalf. Gandalf followed a wild horse for two days to tame it and would regularly ride up to the Shire with a cart full of homemade fireworks. Gandalf's the Texan.

I finished Fellowship and it’s on to The Two Towers! Boromir’s been yeeted over a waterfall and now this moment, one of my favorites from the movies, has happened, bringing me great joy. I’m not always feeling compelled by the characterization in the books so far, but I’m starting to really enjoy Legolas and Gimli. This is yaoi.

When Thorin gave Bilbo the Mithril chainmail shirt, he said it was made for an Elven prince.

The only Elven prince that was born in any of the 4 Elven realms since the founding of Erebor is Legolas.

Frodo is wearing Legolas's baby clothes in LOTR.

book legolas is sooo much and I love him so dearly. endearing weird comic relief! strange! speaks in epic dialect!! has no impactful role whatsoever in the story!! he’s just there to be a melancholy little remnant of a culture half faded but in this light fond way that is soooo tolkien. when you’re a mouthpiece for themes and fun moments but in a spirit of narrative economy, you get a little partner and you’re the fun deconstruction of the noble elf and he’s the noble poetic deconstruction of the silly dwarf and because the story is racing to its conclusion you both sit in the outskirts of it being fun and meaningful in this very inadvertent way

That time Legolas and Gandalf had a sass battle on the slopes of Caradhras.

( emptyjunior )

because they were fucking good!

so i just finished watching the extended editions of the trilogy which is nearly 13 hrs long and this meme is correct somehow. this is the only line legolas speaks to frodo in the entire series. the only other debatable line is a scene in fellowship where legolas is speaking to gimli but frodo just happens to be near them and he’s cut to for a reaction shot. i wouldn’t really count it though since it wasnt directed at him.

someone already posted this but the kicker is at the end of return of the king where frodo sees the fellowship again and calls out to everyone by name except for legolas lmaooo

PLS i swear i saw this in another version of this post but i can’t find it now 😭

if anyone knows who wrote this scenario tag them so they can have credit asldfjslkf

@pretend-im-not-there is the one who wrote the previous scenario! and @insomniarama​ came up with froyo and ham 😂 so:

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: The Two Towers (2002) dir. Peter Jackson.

I love the implication of Dwarves knowing neurosciences, because if anyone is going to discover that in a fantasy setting, it is definitely the people that solve issues via axe to the head.

Gimli has a thorough knowledge of the nervous system and is dating Legolas, a flat earther 

granted i havent read lotr since i was 13 but the way legolas joins the fellowship always cracks me up, like hes literally a prince but they sent him as a messenger to basically tell the council like "whoopsiedoodles we fucked up and gollum is gone, that's what you get for entrusting him to the party elves of mirkwood you know how we get" and he feels SO bad he joins this super deadly quest like imagine you're thranduil and you're like "hey son can you go to elrond's house and tell him we fucked up royally" and your son is like sure pops can do but then you don't hear from him for like two months so you call elrond like hey e-dog what's good have you seen my son. and elrond is like. well i dont know how to tell you this but he went on a homoerotic voyage to the most dangerous place on earth. id be so mad

Forever obsessed with the fact that even the in-universe annotation in the appendices talking about how Legolas brought Gimli along to Valinor with him is like “We don’t actually know how they managed this. By all accounts, it doesn’t make any sense”

Gimli: So you know I’m on board with this, obviously, but like. If the world is flat for you, and it’s NOT flat for me, and the boat is only supposed to be able to get there the flat way…

Legolas: ?

Gimli: What happens if we’re both on the boat?

Legolas: I don’t know, but we’re gonna find out

[Insert title card reading MYTHBUSTERS: ARDA EDITION]