Racing Turtles

Made for TV movie where a space tourist crashlands in a small town in the backyard of a precocious kid who's read all the space books in the library. Their parents aren't around for some reason but they know how to drive already (rural) and decide it is Their Job to return the astronaut. Since this is a made for TV movie maybe it is the holidays and in the process he Learns The Spirit of Generosity and gives the rest of his billions to restore the small town. Hallmark my DMs are open.

The kid's parents were away at an agriculture conference or something but after a certain point they are trying to catch the kid but keep just missing them due to wacky hijinks like the space tourist rhapsodizing over how wonderful (objectively terrible) road stop bathrooms are or causing an incident at a quiktrip by knocking over the candy bars while forgetting about gravity. Because this is a Hallmark original presumably the space tourist had left the planet for the holiday season because he isn't close to any family but then witnesses this family's Touching Reunion. Fund my kickstarter.

Realizing that Amok Time, from T'Pring's perspective, is basically the equivalent of a Vulcan Hallmark Movie, where a holiday (Pon Farr) makes our hero realize she wants hometown boy Stonn and a simple (Vulcan) life instead of big-city (space) boyfriend Spock, and it all comes to a head in an embarrassing misunderstanding in front of her family, is certainly making me feel some kind of way

I will never watch this episode the same again.

Realizing that Amok Time, from T'Pring's perspective, is basically the equivalent of a Vulcan Hallmark Movie, where a holiday (Pon Farr) makes our hero realize she wants hometown boy Stonn and a simple (Vulcan) life instead of big-city (space) boyfriend Spock, and it all comes to a head in an embarrassing misunderstanding in front of her family, is certainly making me feel some kind of way

All of our Triumvirate are actually the Bad Hallmark Boyfriend in either alpha or beta canon, actually:

I know the answer, but why are Hallmark holiday movies…like that?

The plot is always meant to be escapism, but the female protags never *want* to escape- they’re Type A ladies who worked hard to get where they are and have had the dream of success in business since the beginning. You sort of get the sense that they’re extroverted and like urban living. They have friend groups, apartments, and all that. Yes, the movie does tell you that they’re stressed, but they really seem to like their lives outside of that.

When they do inevitably get sent to Xmas-ville for their assignment, the guy they meet is almost never nice at first. He makes fun of her for not knowing how farm equipment works. He calls her ‘city girl’ and implies her journalism degree is stupid. He takes joy in making her do unpleasant tasks to ‘humble’ her.

Even when they warm up to each other, he still doesn’t like her very much- the worst example I’ve seen was the lady being an artist, *finally* getting her first gallery showing, and wanting to catch a flight to go see it…and the guy didn’t want her to go, because who’d look after his toddler who loved her so much? She wasn’t even *moving*, just taking a short trip to Seattle or wherever.

I know people say these films are Chick Flicks, but they really don’t seem to cater to a female perspective at all. Most of us don’t work High Profile jobs, and we certainly wouldn’t want a guy who made fun of us for it if we did.

All I’m saying is- Cinderella wouldn’t be Cinderella if she enjoyed working from home, and Prince Charming made it a point to jokingly call her an Old Maid.

[stage whisper] it’s conservative Christian wish-fulfillment

[pterodactyl scream] it’s conservative Christian wish-fulfillment!

To make it explicit: they’re movies about putting women in their “proper”(to conservatives) place.

@stennnn06

The guy used to be a news anchor in my area and he gave it up to make videos with his family.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

How do they sound SO CLOSE to automated text to speech

dunking on hallmark movies is some pretty low hanging fruit but the way they talk exactly like automated text to speech is incredibly goddamn funny and im dying