Racing Turtles

universe in the shape of an inverted cone with GOD at the point like an antlion waiting to eat anyone who accrues enough supernatural power to start slipping down the cone’s sides

arts and crafts are killing me. badly

update i’m so powerful i could fuck god if i wanted

this is the experience of being an artist in a nutshell. at all times you are at one of these two poles and you never remember the other exists until it's too late

as we know the higher up you are the closer you are to god. this means when clouds form in the sky they actually develop sentience and immediately start cannibalising each other to get more divine power. when a cloud is strong enough it does gain psychoelectric abilities but it also gets too heavy and begins to die, blaming the ground for ripping it from the heavens and attacking with its thunder on the way down. nevertheless its pieces descend like whale fall spreading the last of its divine light into the earth

anyway the build up of that divine light is why there's trees and animals and stuff down here

We were correct as children btw it sucks so hard that pokemon aren't real. It's the worst thing ever.

Surely we are forsaken, For what loving God would refuse us the Gift of Typhlosion

“Unfortunate! Anyway,”

gerard dubois' moby dick sells me on the cosmic horror whale

You have to careful about masturbating to your imagination cause god doesn’t know about imagination so he will assume you are jacking off to whatever is around you like dust, a dead bug, birds nest. And if you jerk off to a poisonous bug (or if god assumes you have) then you do go to hell

Oh, bad luck. Funny thing, bad luck. You know what I think? I think god lets bad things happen to good people because he's a pervert. Just can't help himself.

this was in the torah

that quote like “god gave us transness for the same reason he made grapes but not wine; yeast but no loaves — so we may partake in the divine act of creation”

- Julian K. Jarboe, quoted in Something That May Shock and Discredit You by Daniel M. Lavery

Here's where they originally said it! And, with an icon I drew! We went to school together, I owe them a lot.

incidentally, from their website’s FAQ:

mushroom chat just dropped

I want to log on to the mushroom chat so bad

What would you even say?

"Had a cute frog sit on me today. Win."

#i asked and the fungi told me the name of god is kindness and it is only alive in you(via@sashayed)

god can't know what you're thinking because as a morally perfect being he respects your privacy

How come no young earth creationists go searching for the tower of babel?

Like, people have legitimately tried to find Noah's ark, which was made of wood. Yes I know you only believe the world is 6000 years old or whatever, but do you understand how dry rot works? Do you know how hard it would be to find pieces of a boat from several millenia ago?

And the Garden of Eden! You aren't supposed to be able to go there, but how could you even find it? A few centuries of neglect and it's gone, let alone millenia.

But the tower of babel? That was made of brick, by humans. God only stopped the workers from finishing it, they don't blow it up or anything. It should still be there! Go find it, young earth creationists!

Also my Christian hot take is that we should do it again. Build another Tower of Babel.

Look, God got scared and engaged in divine intervention when a bunch of bronze-age guys with bricks and a single language started building a tower, because they were afraid the tower-builders would become equals to God.

We? We've got steel, concrete, and Google translate. I say it's time we make a skyscraper big enough to dethrone them!

A story idea I’ve had kicking around for a while but will probably never find the time/energy to write:

Alternate history. Point of divergence in the late 1880s. That tower that Eiffel designed for the World’s Fair apparently crossed some kind of threshold and it was Babel all over again. Language across the world is scrambled in such a way as to deliberately undermine any large-scale human cooperation. Everyone now has to not only deal with the chaos that comes from all these new communication barriers but also the twin realizations that:

You can meet God as many times as you like, but it resets society every time!

The Information Age can never develop, because citizens of rival nations get too competitive with bespoke ziggurats and artistic towers!

Or the Information Age DOES develop (in very small buildings) BUT is destroyed IRREVOCABLY

counter argument: due to the divine intervention of the eiffel tower, we now know *exactly* how high up we can go before god gets mad: somewhere above 170 meters (the washington monument was completed without disruption at 169 meters) and 330 meters (the planned height for the french tower, not reached).

assuming an average height of 4.3 for storeys of a building, per wikipedia, you could safely plan for 39 storeys in any tower, or 38 plus a fun roof. that's not nothing! it's almost three times taller than most of chicago's classic waterfront towers (the city had a ban in the 1892 of building higher than a very modest 46 meters!) and almost exactly twice as high as nyc's flatiron (86 meters).

and there's no prohibition about extending buildings *downwards*, either.

— James Baldwin, In Search of a Majority (1960)

Realized today that my top 3 have this theme in common.

Kill Six Billion Demons

I love Jews