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Racing Turtles

@zenosanalytic / zenosanalytic.tumblr.com

"Why run, my little Phoenician?"
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The Princess (2022) is plastered all over Hulu with a cringing bad trailer and poster art implying a perfectly coifed Bad Girl (tm) will fight her way through a bunch of medieval times rejects to prove to a Guy she's just as good as the men.

The actual movie is a gem, a florid and well oiled machine for telling a very simple story about a princess at the top of a tower who fights her way to the bottom. The bad guys are over the top sneering villains, the fight scenes are much more like a screaming berserker with martial arts fluidity overlayed into the setting that makes it into a kind of fairy tale kung fu movie in the best way.

There are bombastic dramatic speeches that resonate down the line with movies like Princess Bride, and the action sequences punch with just the amount of chaos and blood and messiness. There's some terrible CGI naturally but the whole story is contained inside the single set of the tower in ways that feel ingenious. It's a low budget, low stakes, high hopes movie and watching it brings back happy memories of stumbling into something unexpectedly on a video cassette with a luridly enticing cover.

I have done more to connect this movie to its target audience than every other advertisement.

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