Racing Turtles

Galaxy brain: The holes actually cause more crackers because otherwise they would puff up and not pack as well.

I spent like 15 hours on this.

*impressed slow clap*

This was ridiculously pleasing to read out loud. 

This is a legitimately fine poem. I say so with my BA in English and Philosophy and my PhD. It’s DAMN HARD to write something like this. Be impressed, yo.

this is DOCTOR SEUSS levels of word and rhyme alchemy

[screenshot of an ask. demondaze asked “Can you explain how crackers are made?” and the response is as follows:

First the cracker batter baker bakes a cracker batter batch then the cracker batter mixer door will open and unlatch so the batter mixer nozzle can descend into the patch where the cracker batter spreads out for the nozzle to attach.

When the cracker mixer nozzle sprays the cracker batter spray and the cracker batch emulsion lies a-soaking in its haze then the cracker batter mixer starts to stir up all the glaze that the final cracker stacker needs to lubricate the way.

Once the cracker stacker handle stacks the cracker batter squares then the cracker batter’s hardened into double stacks of pairs. Now the cracker separator breaks the crackers in the stackers so the wrappers in the stackers fit the finished stacking crackers.

Then they’re distributed to Wal-Mart.]

I spent like 15 hours on this.

*impressed slow clap*

This was ridiculously pleasing to read out loud. 

This is a legitimately fine poem. I say so with my BA in English and Philosophy and my PhD. It’s DAMN HARD to write something like this. Be impressed, yo.

this is DOCTOR SEUSS levels of word and rhyme alchemy

And then that ending is so dry, just like when you’ve had that many crackers. The humor is strooooong