Bill Kill Bill, Vol. 2

When I'm 50 years old, I'm going to have a house with a mustache room, a.k.a. man enclave.... like a man cave, only 10x classier. Also, my wife is allowed in it as long as she puts on a fake mustache.

Irrelevant

When you start to really know someone, all her physical characteristics begin to fade from cognition. You begin to dwell in her energy, her passion, her soul. You crave the sound of her voice when she's tired, you crave the scent of her skin. You take to heart her thoughts and hang on her every word. You see only the essence of the person, not her shell. That's the line where infatuation ends and love begins. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, things like beauty, character quirks, and flaws... become irrelevant.

One week ago, I FINALLY became a rated aviator in the UH-60A/L Black Hawk. I received the certification upon completion of my instruments checkride. It's such a huge accomplishment, yet I realize it had nothing to do with me. Yes, I studied hard, worked hard, and learned some hard lessons back in late July; however, none of it was possible my own accord. I am very much aware of how much of a God thing it is that I am where am I today. This job -- this opportunity -- has opened so many more doors that I would have never been able to walk through otherwise. I still cannot wrap my my mind around it and I've been doing this for a year and a half now. God is good. Even when life feels like death... God is good.

As much as I love being done with the archaic -60s, my training is far from over. I am currently in the academics portion for the all-new UH-60M helicopter (pictured above). This thing is cray... and I'm not even someone that uses the word 'cray.' It's got all the automated functionality of a fixed-wing Airbus, Boeing, or McDonnell Douglas airliner, all the build quality materials of a 21st century airframe, and a combined 4,000+ shaft horsepower turbine engines... to name a few.

I have really good news. Not only did I ace my UH-60A/L contact checkride Friday, but I also found out from a higher up that my company is going to be recommending me for the Army Fixed-Wing Multi-Engine Qualification Course (FWMEQC) upon completion of the UH-60M course in March. It's a long story about how this came about, but if the position presents itself, I'll be getting trained in the C-12/RC-12X. I'm praying that I get it; time will only tell.

I am so, so incredibly blessed. The past two years of my life have gone by incredibly quick -- so fast that I don't even remember my last birthday. Nevertheless, it doesn't change the facts. I've been transformed these past two years; no, not by the military, but by the King of Kings. It's amazing how I only continue to grow each and every year. From my friend Alex being transformed for the better to a very successful start to my career, to getting the girl that swept me off my feet almost 2 years ago, it's amazing how much joy has been brought to my life and how much of that joy has nothing to do with my own merits. It is completely out of my control that I met Hannah, got selected for Army aviation, got the opportunity to fly the aircraft I wanted to fly along with getting the post-assignment I wanted. It's been an onslaught of awesome, one after the other. Yes, there's been hardships, yes, challenges await around the corner, but I simply can't do anything but surrender my heart to Yahweh Ro'i.

For the first time in the past 4 weeks, I have had the opportunity to catch a breath. This UH-60 Black Hawk business to a novice pilot is mentally overwhelming; between retaining all things aviation, topped with the advanced systems of this aircraft, is way more challenging than I realized. I'm finally at a point where I'm a black belt at the H-60 specific information I'm required to know, so instead of studying like a mad person this weekend for my contact checkride next Friday, I'm chilllaxin' and accepting the fact that I'm ready for this ride already.

After the checkride on Friday, I'll be on to instrument phase where I'll be completing my certification in the UH-60A. From there, I'll be moving into the all new UH-60M and training on it until I graduate in March 2013.

The nice thing about keeping busy is that I spend little to no money except for the bare necessities to get me through the week. That being said, this weekend has been all about planning for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Trip planning, Christmas shopping, event planning, etc. All that, and I'm planning on buying a new house in Clarksville, TN. There's a lot of moving pieces, but it's an amazing period of transition in my life. That being said, there's one particular transition I'm looking forward to making this holiday season. There's a lovely lady from Chicago that waits for me, and I'm going to make her mine starting 8:02am on Thanksgiving Day. :)

Meanwhile, John and I, being the Midwesterners that we are, have begun to go all out on Christmas. It started back in October, but now we're taking the spirit outside with us. I found his dedication both hilarious and inspiring... thus the pictures.

Unstable Isotopes

I feel like I'm trapped in some sort of paradoxical conundrum of cyclical cognitive dissonance.

'Moving forward' is not always synonymous with progress, yet remaining idle is a sure-fire path to emotional/spiritual/social insipidity... and death. I'm finding the longer I live, the less life makes sense. I'm at this point in my life where I'm acknowledging, accepting, and living life like there's even more shades of gray than I previously thought there were.

Relationships, politics, religion, finance... life in general. I've been disillusioned by it all. In hindsight, I see the world is full of broken promises. In western culture -- particularly in America -- there's a sense of entitlement our society projects on us as kids. As we grow older, that disenchantment swells within us as we're poised to begin our own conquests in adulthood; there are so many expectations that are incongruent with reality.

It's undeniably rampant in society. It disgusts me, our culture's consumerist mentality + obsession and glorification of fame, wealth, success, and sex. It would appear as though most everyone is desperately searching for identity, for purpose, for status, for meaning; they're trying to make the puzzle pieces of their life fit that of the secular world.

Pressure, stress, expectations -- it drives even the best of us to a point where life loses it's color, it's luster, it's vivacity.

I've seen the light, however. I joke about first world problems a lot... people laugh, but there's subtle truth that overreaches the extent of the humor. Most of us live incredibly enriched and blessed lives. Being an American is a huge privilege; I'd suggest most of us are completely unaware of how good we really have it. People bitch about what they don't have, yet they fail to realize everything they do have.

I've lived with a little, I've lived with a lot. I've experienced hardships I wish no one will ever have to go through. I've experienced moments I wish I could share with every last person on this crazy, stupid planet. Throughout the highs and lows, I've found that only a life lived for others is worthwhile. Heck, it's even Biblical. Just in the past month, things have happened that I could have never foreseen. I feel like I keep learning about acceptance, forgiveness, and love... love unconditional.

Life is an ever-winding road; a journey that never ceases until we meet our Creator. While the destination is ambiguous, I vow to navigate this life with my head in the clouds and my feet in good dirt; to love all people like their Maker loves them; to be a light in the darkness. 

Green

Doesn't the grass always seem greener? I'm not talking about some of the time - I'm talking about all of the time, every time. It perplexes me, quite honestly, because I can say I've never been fully content at any moment in my life. Sure, there has been moments of contentment throughout my life, but I cannot say I've ever "arrived" at a place where I felt I didn't demand, expect, or desire something more and/or different. I've been reflecting on this a lot lately as it has been more apparent recently. As a young adult, I know my many of my peers are all motivated to finish graduate school so that they can get either the job they love or a job they think will bring them tremendous amounts of economic prosperity. Ambition in itself is not a bad thing and I hope the best for them. Speaking for myself, becoming a military aviator has been a very specific goal of mine since I was 17 years old. As someone who recently achieved my goal and is starting the U.S. Army's UH-60A/L + UH-60M hybrid course this Tuesday, September 25th, I feel very blessed and fortunate to be in this position. There is an intrinsic pride that comes with this profession; however, despite 'arriving,' there is a restlessness inside my soul -- I feel as though I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

I am doing a job most would love to have, I have a salary that equates to the average combined household incomes in America, I am surrounded by good friends, I am in good health, and so on... yet I feel dissatisfied. It's crazy, I know -- I achieve my goal(s) and want more. Since 2002, I've wanted a MINI Cooper S -- this past spring, I custom ordered and bought one direct from the UK. I love the car -- I literally smile when I'm driving it. Being the frugal person that I am, it took a lot to make such a thrifty purchase. I have a job, I don't have college loan debt, and I'm getting an enormously expensive flight education, I legitimized the treatment of myself to the MINI I've wanted for so long. The funny thing is this: as much as I love it, it doesn't bring nearly the amount of satisfaction that I thought it would. It's the same empty feeling that came with flight school here in the Army. Am I mad?

I have not lost my mind to madness. I know I am not an insatiable person. I've come to the conclusion that everyone struggles with filling an unknown void their heart; an unquenchable thirst, an unscratchable itch, a vast emptiness in the search for desire and meaning. In some instances, I believe people have inflated expectations that do not check out with reality -- the grass is always greener. Most of the time, however, I believe it's that people are trying to meet needs their needs with the wrong things. It's like eating a steak when you're dehydrated... WHY?!

I am single right now; I could digress into a tangent about the lack of single Christian women in my life right now, but I won't. I know a significant other is not that be-all, end solution for this discontentment my soul is sporadically entwined within. I do know, however, the tremendous enrichment that it would bring and it something I am actively waiting for. I'm a believer in the 'master, mission, mate' theory; that God's design is for a man and woman to become one and marry to better serve the world and His Kingdom. I want a family, I want kids, and so on. There's a catch, however... I need to become content. I need to become content, not only in my singleness, but in all areas throughout my life. Sure enough, the Bible speaks on contentment... and wow, was I humbled quickly. I was encouraged, inspired, and realized the error in my thinking. "But godliness actually is a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment. For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either." 1 Timothy 6:6-7

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need." Philippians 4:11-12 "Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrew 13:5 "For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10 "A tranquil heart is life to the body, but passion is rottenness to the bones." Proverbs 14:30

"“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21 And just like that, I realized that the grass will always seem greener if your priorities are not in order.  EDIT: I may be giving up on Tumblr here and transferring my blog over to WordPress. I'll post a link if I make a 100% change over; in the meantime, I'm writing on both.

Getting Married -- The Right Way

I'm a huge fan of political journalist and comedian Stephen Crowder. He recently got married, and naturally, a writer is gonna write. His article was on 'waiting until marriage' (a largely unpopular viewpoint). Normally, someone writing on the topic simply beats a dead horse. However. I decided to read it because it's Stephen Crowder.

Here's the article...

"As anyone who’s read my abstinence column here could guess, my wedding is something that I’ve looked forward to for quite some time. After having tied the knot at the end of August, I can now say beyond all shadow of a doubt, that it was everything I’d hoped and prayed that it would be since childhood. (I’d also prayed to be bitten by a radioactive spider and develop sticky hands, but… I was an idiot.)

Let me preface this column by saying this: my wife (I have to get used to saying that) and I not only waited sexually in every way (no, we didn’t pull the Bill Clinton and technically avoid “sex” sex,) but we didn’t shack up as live-ins and most importantly, we courted each other in a way that was consistent with our publicly professed values.

We did it right.

Feeling judged? I couldn’t care less. You know why? Because my wife and I were judged all throughout our relationship. People laughed, scoffed and poked fun at the young, celibate, naive Christian couple. 

We’d certainly never make it to the wedding without schtupping, and if we did, our “wedding night would be awkward and terrible,” they said. 

Turns out that people couldn’t have been more wrong.  Looking back, I think that the women saying those things felt like the floozies they ultimately were, and the men, with their fickle manhood tied to their pathetic sexual conquests, felt threatened.

I think it’s important to write this column not to gloat (though I’ll be glad to), but to speak up for all of the young couples that have also done things the right way. When people do marriage right, they don’t complain so much, and so their voices are silenced by the rabble of promiscuous charlatans, peddling their pathetic world view as “progressive.”

Our wedding was perfect. Our wedding night was nothing short of amazing. I write this on a plane heading into a tropical paradise with the most beautiful woman to have walked the planet earth. I know everybody says that their bride was the “most beautiful in the world.”  They’re wrong. I win.

I’d like to tell you a story of our morning after, however. One that transpired into one of the most glaring epiphanies I’d ever had.

As my wife (again, still not used to that) and I ate breakfast at a local inn, we discussed how excited we were to start the rest of our lives together, how scary it was that everything was now so different. At the same time, we overheard the table next to us discussing their very own wedding from the night prior. What a coincidence!

“The thing is, nothing’s really changed,” the bride said.

Puzzled, my wife asked, “Did you get married last night too? So did we!”

“Congratulations!” the other dame said. “Yeah we did, just last night.”

“Where’s the groom?” my wife innocently… scratch that, naively asked.

“Oh, he’s sleeping. There was no way he was coming out with me this morning!” She paused and smirked. “Let’s just say that he’s got a lingering headache from a really good time last night.”

My heart sank.

Firstly, that poor schmuck's “good time” was simply getting snookered. Not enjoying the company of close family and long-lost friends with a clear head and clean conscience, not staring in awe at his beautiful new wife, wanting to soak in every glimmer of her eyes as she shot him heart-racing looks from across the dance floor, not taking all of the cheesy pictures as they cut the cake, not even carrying her across that suite threshold as they nervously anticipated their “nightcap.” He probably won’t remember any of it. Instead, he got smashed. He was “that guy”… at his own freaking wedding.

Then I realized something. Our wedding was truly a once in a lifetime event. It was a God’s-honest celebration of two completely separate lives now becoming one. Physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually, everything that made us who we were individually was becoming what bonded us together. Our family traveled from far and wide to celebrate the decision of two young people to truly commit themselves to each other, and selflessly give themselves to one another in a way that they never had before that very night. The people next to us that morning? Well, theirs was just one big party.  And the morning after? Just another hangover.

Our “weddings” were the same event in name only. They know it, and we know it.

Do yours the right way.  If you’re young and wondering whether you should wait, whether you should just give in, become a live-in harlot/mimbo and do it the world’s way.  If you’re wondering whether all of the mocking, the ridicule, the incredible difficulty of saving yourself for your spouse is worth it, let me tell you without a doubt that it is. Your wedding can be the most memorable day and night of your life… or just another party.

Oops. Did I just make a “judgment?”  You’re darn right I did."

We Don't Sleep Tonight

Life is beautiful, chaotic dissonance. In many ways, life is like a lottery. The lot we're given seems random at best: the body we're given, our family or lack thereof, the era, country, & culture in which we live, and so on. We have no other choice but to accept and live with the circumstances of which we're afforded. Yet, in this convoluted, indiscriminate mayhem, God has a purpose and plan for our lives.

Watching James + Haley get married this past weekend, a lot of things came into focus. It has been easy to lose perspective in the busyness of the Army flight training machine I willingly got thrust into May of last year. Seeing strong believers make vows to one another before God, witnessing the love of friends and families, and reconnecting with people I haven't kept up with in awhile, I couldn't help but reevaluate the direction I'm heading in life. James and Haley have very distinct personality types that, frankly, would be highly incompatible with 99.9% of people seeking a significant other. When I heard their story, it was filled with bizarre connections, events, and "coincidences." The truth is that a lot of it was a whole lot less random than it would initially appear to be. In my view, it was clear that this was meant to be; God's hand was on them both. I had a revelation myself -- someone somewhere that I'm hoping, praying to meet is hoping, praying to meet someone like me.

Intelligent vs. Smart

Smart = you can regurgitate knowledge on command. Intelligent = you can solve a problem or create a solution.

I saw The Dark Knight Rises last night. I'm rarely impressed by anything Hollywood puts out anymore these days -- crap storylines, over-the-top visual effects for the sake of trying to wow me, etc., that so many films nowadays are rather... blasé. Not so with the new Batman movie. It's not all that popular nowadays, but I love old classics. Why? Sure, nostalgia, but the stories were infinitely better than a lot of the movies that have been released in the past decade. Story is what makes a movie worthwhile, and The Dark Knight Rises definitely was done beautifully. I feel weird saying that about any movie, let alone a 'superhero movie.' On a side note, my prayers go out to the families of those involved in the Aurora, Colorado, movie massacre. I'm very grateful none of my friends out there were at that theater when it all went down last Thursday night. 

As if flight school didn't keep me busy enough, I've been investing in real estate. As if those two weren't demanding, I'm launching a new product brand for eCommerce sales -- Maui Mojo. I'll provide details later, but I have a accounts setup with a variety of wholesalers, and I have all the equipment needed for my upstart. More to come.