Random Turtle Thought this evening....
Raph grumbles to himself all the way from the fridge, where he's snagged himself a beer, to the armchair where he drops himself. He's forcing air out his nostrils, trying to calm his breathing. Tries to focus on the liquid as it slides down his throat with each drink. One. Two. Breath. Three.
He presses back farther into his chair. Spreads his legs a little farther apart. Props his elbows out over the armrests. Trying his best to make himself more comfortable.
Maybe that'd help him settle.
He's just pissed right now. Patrol sucked ass. Couple of dumbasses trying to get in the mix solely for the sake of catching it on video resulted in the muggers getting away. Flared nerves from disagreements over the calls made tonight didn't help. Fuck tonight.
He was just ticked. He just needed to calm down.
You couldn't muster a kind greeting to the brothers as you passed each of them in your silent pursuit to find Raph. Raw tears were too close to the surface. You could only nod in acknowledgement of them as you passed. Today had been a vicious bitch. But you wouldn't give those fuckers who'd given you so much hell today the satisfaction of breaking you down. So, fists clenched tight at your sides, you march about the lair to find him.
He wanted to be happy to see you. Honest to pizza gods he did. Wanted to give you a smile and greet you affectionately. He couldn't force himself to do it though. And you didn't offer a kind greeting to him either.
So he just watches you; mossy green eyes stitched with molten gold nearly glowing with roiling emotions just beneath the surface.
You wanted to smile at him. Wanted to feel giddy and wrap your arms around his neck. Pepper his face with sprinkles of kisses laced with giggles. Like you normally did. But you didn't have the heart to do it. If you let loose of the anger you were clinging too, you'd lose it. You couldn't. Wouldn't. No, you needed to keep your foul mood.
Raph says nothing as you snatch a blanket from the stack. Doesn't make any motion to invite you in as you draw closer. Neither opens himself up nor closes himself off as you begin to climb into his lap. He just sits still.
It's not exactly easy, to climb up into his lap, even though he's much bigger than you. You grunt and huff in irritation as you twist and wiggle, pulling the blanket up after you. Trying to find just the right way to sit, with no help from him.
An elbow presses against a fresh injury. Raph bares his teeth and growls.
He loves you. With all his heart. But he doesn't have the patience for this right now. He hasn't calmed down. He can't give you what you want.
You give a rumble in imitation of his growl back, but you freeze so as not to hurt him any more. He shifts under you. Growls again.
Another rumble of your own in response. You can't give him what he wants right now.
Glares at one another might look like the two of you are ready to fight to outside eyes. But this is you. This is Raph. He recognizes you're asking to please not be pushed away. To please have him pull you close. You understand he's asking for a minute. He needs a chance to just breathe. Just let go of what's got him riled up.
You don't ask. He doesn't ask. And that's okay. Neither of you are really interested in talking about it. Not now at least.
He shifts a little more. You wiggle again, trying to get comfortable. Another growl, though this one softer. You look up to him in silent apology. His gaze sweeps over you, gathers you're not actually mad.
The smallest gesture of reassurance he can offer right now, Raph's expression softens. And he stretches out to press his nose to yours. You accept, tears hot in the corners of your eyes, pressing back. Your hands cupping his face and holding him there.
A brief moment of stillness. Then with a deep sigh, one you know isn't directed at you, he falls back. And you nuzzle in, head tucked up tight under his chin. A strong arm encircles you. Brings you in tighter. You sweep your fingers in gentle strokes across his chest.
Slowly, delicately, he unwinds. And droplets softly fall from your eyes. This goes on a few moments more before he nudges you with his nose, causing you to turn your face up to him.
Lips press surely into yours. Volumes of all the things you both want to say communicated through the deepness of this kiss. Then, pulling fractional away, you both say, as you have so many times now, words so well known they might as well be engraved on your tongues.
"It's okay. I've got you. You're safe. You're mine. I've got you."
