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#mental health – @yippee-boi09 on Tumblr
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Hey there :3

@yippee-boi09

Scene-boy, here to eff around, (MINOR) dni if nsfw or if ur a loozer LOLOLOL (👾🐈‍⬛️ anon)
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Final response to everything (and an important update)

I've honestly had a plunge in my mental health due to everything happening... I've been irrationally angry and negative despite that being the total opposite of what I've striven to do. I've been surrounded by negativity and anger for the past week and a half and I've had so much happen to me than in the past few months that have negatively affected me

First, I'm gonna say that I'm gonna be leaving for a few months... I'm not gonna post or reblog on this blog for a few months (or longer) to try and improve my mental health and get better with how I handle things on the internet... I'll still be around (liking and commenting on posts I like) and I'm even gonna be trying to make more friends on here, hanging around and finding more positive spaces on the internet for my sake... I'll come back and post when I'm in a better headspace and when I turn 16, so expect to see this pinned for the meantime until I come back and make a new intro post sometime in the future...

Second, I no longer want to respond to drama involving Jack or the situation involving the group, I've done enough already and I'm tired of being pressured into responding to this drama and being dragged into it. I know that me saying not to put me in videos isn't going to stop ppl from talking abt me in videos but I'm still gonna say it otherwise... don't bring me into your videos or try to drag me into this drama again. It's stressful and anxiety enducing to see ppl talk about me as a victim and ignoring my response entirely because it causes ppl to assume that I'm being hurt... I don't want to be involved anymore and I ask of you to respect that, don't drag me down into this nonsense and leave me alone, I've already said that I'm striving to improve and get better...

I should also apologize for causing anger and outrage in other communities and harassing ppl who've criticized Jack, I don't want to talk to you but know that I wasn't in the right headspace, it's not an excuse but know that I'm sorry for lashing out.

I'm a bit excited to be taking a break and excited for what improvements are to come, I'll still be drawing and writing (workingnon my creepypasta) etc... I don't want to be associated with Jack or birdie drama and I wanna come back to a platform where I won't be harassed into oblivion... ty for reading, I hope u have a nice day <333

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POV: Your realize the friend who abandoned you turned out to (POSSIBLY) be your fp for the past 5 years and because you (POSSIBLY) have bpd you've lost who you are to this person entirely

(TW: Eyestrain, derealization, SH, disassociation, mental health)

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Made a vent piece...

There's been a lot that's been happening and I'm still having to process a lot of it... I've felt lost and confused and there are things I'm only now realizing of...

Although I got a new iPad!! So I'll be able to do digital art again! Which means more clear-cut and elaborate works! Expect something soon!!

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saintvampy

lets talk about KOSA

i havent seen any posts about it on my dash, and i think this is really important because it puts Tumblr as well as queer/minority creators on this platform at risk. since i have a lot of queer mutuals, i want to make sure you all are informed.

KOSA (Kids Online Safety Act) is being presented to Congress this upcoming month. its being presented as a way to "protect teens/children and their mental health online by regulating content online". however, it puts queer/minority creators and their content at risk of being totally censored. sites like TikTok, Ao3/Wattpad, Tumblr, and essentially anything that gives queer people a significant platform online is at risk of being deleted/wiped or censored into oblivion. under the guise of "kids mental health" this act would heavily restrict queer people and their voices online.

what can you do?

this linktree provides resources to help you take action and protect queer voices online from KOSA. please take the time to do what you can. if you spend any amount of time on Tumblr and value any of the queer voices you have access to on this platform, take action.

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reblogged

So! I wanna talk about essas again because why not?

What even are essas?

Essa stands for Emotional Support Stuffed Animal! As a said before, they are plushies, any size or type, any animal, don't have to be dogs, that bring confort to the user. It can help with disorders such as anxiety, social anxiety, autism, adhd, ocd, panic disorders, and more! Or even loneliness.

They don't have rules, if they may halp them, you can have an ESSA!

They can have gear, like collars or harnesses, or not. You can use labels for people not to touch them or take them or not, is up to you!

How can ESSAs help?

Essas can help with anxiety attacks, meltdowns, panic attacks, social discomfort, grounding, and more! Bringing Ramen with me, for example, help me calm down, and petting him is so satisfying.

There's not a right or wrong way to use or have an ESSA. If it may help you just having it with you, then it's being used.

Where can I buy an ESSA?

Literally anywhere where a plushie is sold. Toy stores, essential items shops, dollar stores, online, etc.

I see a lot of people from the community buy the dogs on Douglass Cuddle Toys shops, but I feel like they are overrated. They don't have to be expensive either, I bought mibe for less than ten euros. I think he was seven.

Who can use ESSAs?

Like I said, literally anyone. Children, adults, teens, it doesn't matter. You don't have to be disabled either. Even if you don't have any disorders, you can use them. They are confort items, friends, or just tools. They are for anyone, and they can be for you.

My ESSA, Ramen, goes everywhere with me, and comforts me a lot. He's my friend, my best boy, and I love him

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yippee-boi09

My ESSA, Bob! He's my son and he helps me stim and helps with making sure I don't disassociate and helps me stay calm (+ making sure what I'm seeing/hearing/feeling is real or not)! I love him very much <333

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Content Label: Mature: Violence
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kohakurin8
It's Not Me, It's My Basement
Explained

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️

This Post Contains Soilers Following the First Paragraph.
Proceed with Caution.

That's right! It's Halloween time, my favorite holiday ever, and I'm back at it again with the semi-extensive theory posts. This time I'm tackling something in one of my favorite genre of media -- Horror RPG Maker Games.

Last night I experienced an adorable, eerie little game called It's Not Me, It's My Basement.

Developed by arcadekitten, the incredibly short-&-sweet story follows a non-binary child named Embry G. Oliver who is hiding a horrible monster in their basement. Although they didn't see it for themselves, they believe that the monster ate their parents, and Embry now feeds it whatever they can so that it doesn't attempt to eat them too. Unfortunately, as the story progresses it appears that the more the monster eats, the stronger and hungrier it becomes...

The story then begins to reach its climax when Embry visits the market to find a traveling doctor in town. Since Embry has been telling the villagers that their parents are bedridden sick, they're forced to meet Dr. D. Light (who is acutely of his punny name) and take him back home. Dr. D. is incredibly kind and helpful, even capable of making Embry trust him enough to open the basement door. However, in an attempt to stop him from descending the stairs to meet the monster, Embry accidentally pushes the Dr to his death. Truly tragic ...

Throughout the entire short story, the monster is never truly seen. However, it does demonstrate its ability to mimic voices and presumably shapeshift, all the while acting mercilessly manipulative. By the ending, that took me entirely by surprise, Embry has a nightmare where they confront the demon and get consumed by it, only to wake up and brazenly descend the basement for real.

And that's it

That's where it ends.

Boom, roll credits.

Now, my intense OCD ass simply can't cope with an ending so sudden and inexplicable, even if it was written incredibly well. In fact, the entire story was cryptic and felt immensely symbolic, steeped so heavily in allusions to depression and guilt that you could serve it at tea-time. So of course, I began to research popular opinions and theorize about what all of it really meant.

Now, the most popular theories (and almost exclusively) are either:

1) Everything is exactly as it's spelled out for you. A monster ate Embry's parents, it can shapeshift and manipulate, and Embry finally gains the courage to confront it instead of running away.

2) Embry actually has a Split Personality, or psychotic alter-ego, which murdered their parents and now the Main Personality of Embry is living with guilt that they don't entirely understand.

3) Something bad happened to Embry's parents that, as a child, Embry cannot understand and the entire story of the game is Embry suffering from traumatic hallucinations.

Obviously, these all have some pretty big flaws. The first theory is simple enough, but relatively uninspired, and feels rather like an insult to the thought put into the nuances of the story. Not to mention, Embry, their parents, and even Dr. D. Light cameo in other arcadekitten games that canonically take place afterwards.

Which farther disproves the second theory, since the characters are all clearly alive and well. Not to mention, as someone with a lot of experience in the field of child trauma and psychological issues, the story really gives no hints whatsoever to Embry potentially having a split personality. Nor does it hint at any potential triggers that would cause them to kill their parents.

And the third theory is the best yet, but still leaves some holes.

So, after careful consideration, I offer you my inspired theory: The Coma Dream.

Perhaps they were in an accident with their parents, like a car crash (or in this world, carriage crash). They were sent into a coma and assumed their parents died based on the sounds they'd heard, since while in a coma they couldn't remember the details of what happened.

Being a child, Embry would have related the sounds they heard during the accident to some sort of monster. Especially if they were asleep when the accident occured.

Within the mysterious subconscious of a coma they could have fabricated a story based on their fears about what really happened and what life would be like without their parents. The heavy theme of guilt and mistakes would even be Embry's immature mind trying to cope with what happened, and feeling like they had done something wrong since they couldn't really understand it all.

Kids have a tendency to blame themselves for things that weren't their fault, simply because they don't understand the situation.

Then of course, facing those fears in the basement is what allows them to wake up.

This even potentially explains Dr. D. Light. Considering Embry's mother was a nurse, as revealed in her cameo in Crowscare, the Dr could be her boss or the family's personal doctor. Someone Embry trusted and liked.

Although Embry acted like they'd only just met the Dr, it isn't unheard of to not entirely recognize (or only subconsciously recognize) someone typically familiar in a dream.

And have you ever had a really intense nightmare where things start to get better, and you think something good might happen and help you, but then your fear and anxiety of something bad ruining it actually causes that to happen in the dream?

Because I have and that would explain why Dr. D was so reassuring only for Embry to panic and push him down the stairs. The more they worried about D getting hurt, the more they thought about what bad could happen, and suddenly those thoughts came to fruition.

Following this theory, after facing the monster in the basement, Embry may have either unlocked their memory about what happened -- a painful, terrifying memory that they were trying to hide -- or perhaps they merely finally gained the courage to wake up from their coma. Either way, when they wake up their parents and Dr. D would be safe and sound, and they could all live together happily again.

Of course, this is only a theory, so I'd love to hear your thoughts on it!

If you're interested in playing the game, you can download it here:

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yippee-boi09

I'm glad someone finally had a better understanding rather than "monster kill parent ambiguous ending"… Aside from me believing this to be the canon, I believe the game is a sorta metaphor for trauma of sorts… For one, one thing that spoke out to me was a slight theme of PTSD or C-PTSD (As someone who's suffers from PTSD), wanting to avoid trauma and fleeing from the scene of trauma (locking up the basement and running from it after Dr. D Light died... This could also be interpreted as locking away trauma and forgetting about it), feeding into the monsters/perpetrators desires (feeding the desires of an abuser or fork of trauma that takes from you in a daily), and sticking so closely to wearing the same clothes and doing the same every day because it might be your only comfort while your stuck with trauma and pain and suffering on a daily basis while scrambling to cover it up as "nothing"... Another interpretation I have is that this represent kids who were possibly thrown into foster care, left dreaming of the good days when they possibly had a family, or still stuck in an abusive household by their own bio parent's doing and dreaming of when things were simpler or nicer before things "went wrong". I get how people can interperate this as OCD with having to hold back the urge to satisfy a beast but I also interperate as the fear of displeasing family whether it's pressure from them or others or a fear of being hurt again... While having to juggle taking care of others because you don't know how to take care of yourself, and how Embry lies to everyone else outside their home reminds me of how I used to be abused by people around me at home before I went to school, eyes red and puffy with tears, my voice hoarse from crying and screaming and bruises apparent, I desperately wanted people to see through my lies because I was guilt tripped by my abusers and was too afraid to speak up at the time. It feels so obvious to me and the signs of something being wrong are *right there* and yet nobody does anything other than hear your "I'm fine" before shrugging it off and going back to life, how desperately you wanted people to help you but too afraid that you'll be blamed for it if caught... Idk this is a little specific but that's what the game said to me... This is how i interperate the game aside from canon story...

Content Label: Mature

Violence

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Am I autistic?

I'm diagnosed (at age 4) with ADHD, and I really think I'm autistic, but since I have ADHD, my (possible) experience with autism seems there but not there...? I just need to share my experience and see what others think. (And yes, I'll be getting an autism diagnoses in a few months dw)

My sensory issues

I can't stand how sensitive my hearing is. I like blasting heavy metal and vocal kid (and yfm) thought my ear buds because I hate full headphones and how they heat up my ears and squeeze my ears and earrings. But when I'm in a crowd I just want it to be quiet simply because I hate how unpredictable people are. But with my ear buds in the noise feels better. Not to mention my odd taste preference, I can't stand the feeling of chicken having a rough, grainy texture (best I could describe it) but I like it when steak feels that way, I can handle cow turned into a medium steak but I CANNOT stand ground beef, or burger meat, UNLESS it's done in a hyper specific way. I like raw seafood the most, all seafood tastes good to me, especially oysters, I ESPECIALLY enjoy slimy textures like pasta and cooked noodles, I love grease and soft foods. If it's mushy and soft I'll most likely enjoy it UNLESS it's TOO mushy or soft. Not as specific as my touch sensitivity... I hate the bumpy feeling of bathroom carpets but I'm find with floor bedroom sorta carpet, I LOOOVE super soft carpets, like fluffy and poofy things. But I ABSOLUTELY cannot stand cold, hard floors. Wood, marble, plaque floors all make my skin tingle (in a bad way) and it feels so awful I have to wear something on my feet almost EVERYWHERE I go... And my sight isn't as sensitive as my other senses, but I still have sensory issues with my sight, like how I like bright colors and flashy things with lots of colors but it can't be too flashy or else I get a migrane. I do prefer things that don't flash though, even if it looks cool I prefer if I didn't strain my eyes, and I can't stand the sun (I overheat easily) because it burns, it makes me squint my eyes, and I prefer the cold MUCH over the heat. But when I'm sleeping I have a million blankets with the fan blasting to keep my temperature balanced.

Social skills(???)

(Need to mention that I'm an ambivert)

I can't control how loud my voice is whenever I talk, I talk at a normal volume and suddenly I'm too loud, I try talking quietly and suddenly I'm too quiet. Whenever I talk to people I start speaking and then they start speaking over me and idk why they're mad at me for going "and the- and- and- and-" because they stop talking by then start talking again (it seems so weird, if you're not done talking then don't stop lol *my opinion*) I also have a lot of charisma, I can get people to rant about their whole life in seconds but I don't understand how they can keep it up, I end up losing breath or my mouth goes dry SO quickly. And even after scripting out convos in my mind I end up fucking it all up by stuttering or needing a drink because by others logic, "WhEn I pAuSe It MeAnS i'M dOnE tAlKiNg!" And then I either have to stop them or go back and answer them and then go back to my scripted rant, and then they twist the convo to how focused I am on things and I end up misinterpreting things all the time, I end up accidentally addressing things too early which makes me look weird, and then I address things on time but in the wrong way. And afterwords for weeks, even months or years I think about how much better the convo could've gone... Most of my friends consider me easy to talk to, others just find me quirky. I constantly stress over how to talk to specific people and whether or not they find me talking annoying. One thing I will say is whenever I'm talking to someone I'll either go occupied playing video game (i.e. me playing sonic frontiers hard mode final trial while my transfemme friend vents about her dysphoria) or I'll be browsing social media or I'll be messing around with something physical in my hands while looking away from them entirely but still listening. I've learned how to fake eye contact but I only make eye contact abruptly with people I trust the most but I still fucking hate it I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT. I can almost never tell what someone is feeling but I'm very perceptive to the point where I can guess how someone feels about this specific thing or that specific thing and it's so weird. I can understand in an instant that this person pisses you off because to ME it's kinda obvious, but it'll take me AGES to understand a basic explanation of a fear of getting disease which ends up backfiring and making me afraid to go swimming. Another problem I face is taking things Illiterately or TOO literate. If you told me this spider kills people from touch and bring it close to my face I'd laugh at you and coo at the spider (BECAUSE THEY'RE SO CUTE!!! (๑ > ᴗ < ๑)°ᡣ𐭩 . ° . !!) but if you said something sarcastic or jokingly in a serious convo I'd take it as a serious matter. (For example, I was once in trouble and told to "Count the bumps of the ceiling" which was apparently a joke most people threw around apparently??? Anyways, I counted 307 before I was stopped and told it wasn't serious) I cannot tell from the tone of someone's voice whether or not they're joking. (Unless it's a joke I'll get, like a depression or anxiety joke about trauma, or maybe a meme like "You know what that mean, FISH 𓆛") It's why people consider me dense, or kinda "empty headed" DESPITE THE HIVE IN MY MIND TALKING ABOUT EVERY DETAIL IN THE ROOM AND WHAT I NEED TO DO AND FIX BECAUSE I'M STUCK IN A CONVO WITH SOMEONE AND I WANNA GET A COOKIE BUT MY MIND IS GOING OFF ABOUT HOW I NEED TO WATCH THIS OR THAT VIDEO AND FIX MY BED BEFIRE I GO TO SLEEP AUAGAHAGIDHDJD

Stims and others

I have pretty normal Stims and other weird ones, more personal experiences too. I'll unconsciously rock back and forth, flap my arms and hands, bounce my legs, take my feet, and grasp my hands over and over. I have this Stims I'll do where I'll quietly make whistle noises and very high pitch whimpers with my throat, I'll crack my arms and fingers a LOT, since my family's under the belief neurodivergency doesn't exist and think fidgeting toys are bad and distracting. I'm also experienced with overstimulation and meltdowns and hiding them (I grew in a home where hiding your emotions meant you wouldn't get hurt) and a lot of people around me don't believe that I was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age and act as if my experience as a neurodiverse individual is something everyone experiences or I'm faking it for attention and it really makes me feel like I'm taking it too far getting a diagnoses for autism, and I wanted to get diagnosed autism/ADHD people's opinions on my experience and if I really could have autism. (This was also me venting about my neurodivergency and the struggles I have with mental health as someone with a family who believes the terms "ADD, ADHD, and autism" were made up to charge people for medications they DoN't NeEd!")

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