I drew Bang! Pow! Boom! And I got sum moar headcanoooons~!

+ alt ver and info under cut

I joined and made this thing... loosely based off of a few artists I like's personal renditions (COUGH COUGH @mullytheclown @twocolorz COUGH COUGH) and with a few headcanons

+ Moar headcanons below cut!!!!

Made this thing 2 help my mental breakdown

Go and make ur own or smth :)

THIS POST IS OUTDATED

Am I autistic?

I'm diagnosed (at age 4) with ADHD, and I really think I'm autistic, but since I have ADHD, my (possible) experience with autism seems there but not there...? I just need to share my experience and see what others think. (And yes, I'll be getting an autism diagnoses in a few months dw)

My sensory issues

I can't stand how sensitive my hearing is. I like blasting heavy metal and vocal kid (and yfm) thought my ear buds because I hate full headphones and how they heat up my ears and squeeze my ears and earrings. But when I'm in a crowd I just want it to be quiet simply because I hate how unpredictable people are. But with my ear buds in the noise feels better. Not to mention my odd taste preference, I can't stand the feeling of chicken having a rough, grainy texture (best I could describe it) but I like it when steak feels that way, I can handle cow turned into a medium steak but I CANNOT stand ground beef, or burger meat, UNLESS it's done in a hyper specific way. I like raw seafood the most, all seafood tastes good to me, especially oysters, I ESPECIALLY enjoy slimy textures like pasta and cooked noodles, I love grease and soft foods. If it's mushy and soft I'll most likely enjoy it UNLESS it's TOO mushy or soft. Not as specific as my touch sensitivity... I hate the bumpy feeling of bathroom carpets but I'm find with floor bedroom sorta carpet, I LOOOVE super soft carpets, like fluffy and poofy things. But I ABSOLUTELY cannot stand cold, hard floors. Wood, marble, plaque floors all make my skin tingle (in a bad way) and it feels so awful I have to wear something on my feet almost EVERYWHERE I go... And my sight isn't as sensitive as my other senses, but I still have sensory issues with my sight, like how I like bright colors and flashy things with lots of colors but it can't be too flashy or else I get a migrane. I do prefer things that don't flash though, even if it looks cool I prefer if I didn't strain my eyes, and I can't stand the sun (I overheat easily) because it burns, it makes me squint my eyes, and I prefer the cold MUCH over the heat. But when I'm sleeping I have a million blankets with the fan blasting to keep my temperature balanced.

Social skills(???)

(Need to mention that I'm an ambivert)

I can't control how loud my voice is whenever I talk, I talk at a normal volume and suddenly I'm too loud, I try talking quietly and suddenly I'm too quiet. Whenever I talk to people I start speaking and then they start speaking over me and idk why they're mad at me for going "and the- and- and- and-" because they stop talking by then start talking again (it seems so weird, if you're not done talking then don't stop lol *my opinion*) I also have a lot of charisma, I can get people to rant about their whole life in seconds but I don't understand how they can keep it up, I end up losing breath or my mouth goes dry SO quickly. And even after scripting out convos in my mind I end up fucking it all up by stuttering or needing a drink because by others logic, "WhEn I pAuSe It MeAnS i'M dOnE tAlKiNg!" And then I either have to stop them or go back and answer them and then go back to my scripted rant, and then they twist the convo to how focused I am on things and I end up misinterpreting things all the time, I end up accidentally addressing things too early which makes me look weird, and then I address things on time but in the wrong way. And afterwords for weeks, even months or years I think about how much better the convo could've gone... Most of my friends consider me easy to talk to, others just find me quirky. I constantly stress over how to talk to specific people and whether or not they find me talking annoying. One thing I will say is whenever I'm talking to someone I'll either go occupied playing video game (i.e. me playing sonic frontiers hard mode final trial while my transfemme friend vents about her dysphoria) or I'll be browsing social media or I'll be messing around with something physical in my hands while looking away from them entirely but still listening. I've learned how to fake eye contact but I only make eye contact abruptly with people I trust the most but I still fucking hate it I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT. I can almost never tell what someone is feeling but I'm very perceptive to the point where I can guess how someone feels about this specific thing or that specific thing and it's so weird. I can understand in an instant that this person pisses you off because to ME it's kinda obvious, but it'll take me AGES to understand a basic explanation of a fear of getting disease which ends up backfiring and making me afraid to go swimming. Another problem I face is taking things Illiterately or TOO literate. If you told me this spider kills people from touch and bring it close to my face I'd laugh at you and coo at the spider (BECAUSE THEY'RE SO CUTE!!! (๑ > ᴗ < ๑)°ᡣ𐭩 . ° . !!) but if you said something sarcastic or jokingly in a serious convo I'd take it as a serious matter. (For example, I was once in trouble and told to "Count the bumps of the ceiling" which was apparently a joke most people threw around apparently??? Anyways, I counted 307 before I was stopped and told it wasn't serious) I cannot tell from the tone of someone's voice whether or not they're joking. (Unless it's a joke I'll get, like a depression or anxiety joke about trauma, or maybe a meme like "You know what that mean, FISH 𓆛") It's why people consider me dense, or kinda "empty headed" DESPITE THE HIVE IN MY MIND TALKING ABOUT EVERY DETAIL IN THE ROOM AND WHAT I NEED TO DO AND FIX BECAUSE I'M STUCK IN A CONVO WITH SOMEONE AND I WANNA GET A COOKIE BUT MY MIND IS GOING OFF ABOUT HOW I NEED TO WATCH THIS OR THAT VIDEO AND FIX MY BED BEFIRE I GO TO SLEEP AUAGAHAGIDHDJD

Stims and others

I have pretty normal Stims and other weird ones, more personal experiences too. I'll unconsciously rock back and forth, flap my arms and hands, bounce my legs, take my feet, and grasp my hands over and over. I have this Stims I'll do where I'll quietly make whistle noises and very high pitch whimpers with my throat, I'll crack my arms and fingers a LOT, since my family's under the belief neurodivergency doesn't exist and think fidgeting toys are bad and distracting. I'm also experienced with overstimulation and meltdowns and hiding them (I grew in a home where hiding your emotions meant you wouldn't get hurt) and a lot of people around me don't believe that I was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age and act as if my experience as a neurodiverse individual is something everyone experiences or I'm faking it for attention and it really makes me feel like I'm taking it too far getting a diagnoses for autism, and I wanted to get diagnosed autism/ADHD people's opinions on my experience and if I really could have autism. (This was also me venting about my neurodivergency and the struggles I have with mental health as someone with a family who believes the terms "ADD, ADHD, and autism" were made up to charge people for medications they DoN't NeEd!")