The soundtrack ripping my soul right out of my body didn’t help either

Guess what I just watched with my son!

i used to be so good at writing strong, thoroughly-researched, thoroughly-edited essays.

as a kid in hs, my teacher literally came up to me, holding my 40 page essay on the intersection of the European witch hunts and capitalism/exploitation/gender roles (it was supposed to be 7 pages...whoops) and went like "this is literally a master's-degree level thesis. what are you doing?? you could literally use this as your final dissertation in a master's program, what the fuck."

NOW??? NOW?? you'd think I'd be oh so skilled. but alas. i can barely piece together two ideas. adhd skill-regression is so so real. im SOBBING

I wish I was there for them.

I JUST WANT ONE PERSON I CAN TRUST TO NOT ABANDON ME AND I CANT EVEN GET THAT?

It’s easier to tell yourself that you don’t deserve the things you can’t have, than be disappointed time and time again. It gives you a sense of control over your own life. See, if you believe you don’t deserve something, like being loved or being treated with kindness, or being wanted… it won’t hurt as much when you’re eventually proven right. Because if you deserved to be loved then why would you feel so unloved? If you deserved to be wanted by people then why would they keep walking away from you? If you deserved to be treated with gentleness and warmth then why are you only familiar with contempt and disdain? It’s a toxic form of self preservation but it works. It’s easier to believe you don’t deserve the things you once yearned for than spend the rest of your life waiting for something that may never happen.

I’m not burnt out, I’m exploited. This isn’t a mental breakdown, this is a natural reaction to my current environment

I’m so tired

men who'd beg to cum inside you, just thrusting away, all tired, worn out and flushed, panting like a beast in heat. they'd moan and groan as if almost in pain from the creeping in overstimulation but they just keep going, using their strong hips to thrust even faster and lifting your hips up up to get just that right angle to feel themselves slide even deeper. but they don't come, not yet at least, until they hear you say it-that you'll oh so graciously allow them to cum inside, let them flood your poor pussy and when you finally utter those lovely words you'll have them positively roaring in pleasure as they finally let themselves go and cum so deliciously deep inside♡

I hate how I am constantly stuck between having hope that everything will be ok and feeling like I just want to give up and I will never be ok!! Like....can I make up my mind and just go through with whatever the plan is, because either way I’m so tired of feeling this way.

“Why do you beat yourself up so much over little mistakes?”

This is such a good illustration of emotional abuse

Just a reblog to spread the most UN noticed abuse, be aware

not so cute mental illness things:

• do I want to fuck you, or just steal your personality?

• actually fuck you for being better than me I’m just gonna sabotage you

• feeling like you’re not Tragic enough anymore when bad things happen to people you know

• breaking down in public with everyone watching you, and being cognizant of how irrational you are but you can’t stop

• so hyper empathetic that you cry at everything

• *an hour later* “the world could burn before my literal eyes and i could not care”

• those abusive people you finally cut off, but still stalk on social media (and then have a panic attack that someone who treated you badly still has a normal life and people who love them)

• “that post is TOTALLY about me” (it’s not) *vagues them back for 3 weeks*

• literal petty fits when people block you before you can block them

• “hey are you mad? did I do something?? no really, are you mad at me???”

• “i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m s-”

I happened to check the lineup for today and I got pissed.

Finally giving in and admitting to yourself that you have a fetish you were avoiding