Realm of Possibilities

on a scale of luke skywalker to jaime lannister how well would you deal with losing your right hand

or, on a scale of luke skywalker to jaime lannister how well do you deal with latent sexual feelings for your sister

or, on a scale of luke skywalker to jamie lannister how well would you deal with your dad being an utter bastard with unresolved issues about the death of his wife

or, on a scale of luke skywalker to jaime lannister how well would you deal with the fact that your nephew is a complete and total douche

or, on a scale of luke skywalker to jaime lannister how do you feel when you see gwendoline christie in armor

Happy anniversary to the time I ordered a burrito from taco bell and instead they gave me like 100$ worth of THC vape cartridges.

THE YEAR IS 2021 and I am on my way home from a VERY long day at my new job as a school photographer. Its 5:30, I have driven an hour and a half just to get home and all I want is a beefy five layer burrito and to go to bed early.

I go through the drive through at the taco bell. This is the same taco bell that, three years prior, asked us how many sauces we wanted. My roommate responded with "we'd like to get lost in the sauce."

To which he said "lost in the sauce. Ok boss!"

And gave us an entire brown bag full of sauce packets that we are still working through to this day.

So our conclusion is that this store is operated by stoners, which is on par for a taco bell.

But anyhow, 2021, all I want is a burrito.

Pull up in the drive thru, order burrito. Compliment the cashier's nails, take the bag without checking, drive off.

I get home. I carry the bag all the way to the kitchen and set it down. The sound it makes is not the sound of a beefy five layer burrito. It rattles.

I realize now that something is wrong.

I look inside.

I find this:

Which I realize now in 2022 after hanging out with potheads that this is considerably more than 100$ of THC products but that's unimportant. I sit there for a few moments and just kind of stare at them asking myself

WHY does this KEEP HAPPENING to me?

Girlfriend comes in and sees this.

"Did someone pay you in smokeables again?"

"No, this is the new beefy 5 layer burrito from taco bell. Obviously."

I could keep them, but what would I DO with them? I didnt know any smokers at the time that I could sell them to. You cant really... pawn THC products in my state because it's a consumable and uhhhh... possession of such products is probably illegal? Fucking I dont know, if there's a law about it everyone seems to be ignoring it.

And I cannot stress this enough: I dont smoke! And yet people keep handing me these things for some reason.

But more importantly: it is now 6:00, I am starving, and I did not get my burrito. So i make a decision and i grab the bag of vape carts and I go back to get the food I ordered.

I go inside and stand at the counter. I quietly tell the cashier that I ordered a beefy five layer burrito, and I got this instead. I lift the bag. I gently drop the bag. It makes the very non beefy burrito rattle sound.

The cashier knows by sound what is in the bag. Her eyes go wide.

"I'm not mad," I tell her. "I dont want anyone in trouble. I'm just very hungry and would like the food I ordered."

She very quietly takes the bag beneath the counter and produces six coupons for a free taco. "We'll get your order to you in a moment, thank you for your patience."

I am... containing my urge to burst out in laughter because this urban legend stuff. This is 'tumblr will call this fake' material. This is 'that happened to my friends cousin' kind of story material and I'm just... waiting for my burrito.

The manager on duty approaches me and says:

"I understand you received something uhh.. other than your order." She thinks I'm gonna tell corporate. This shit is too funny for corporate. I am not telling corporate.

"I dont want anyone in trouble," I repeated. "I'd just like to make sure it gets back to its owner and make sure I get the burrito I ordered."

"Right. Right. Right away."

She gives me six more free taco coupons.

It is deathly quiet back there and I am trying so hard not to laugh at the absurdity of all of this. Like... how did I get here? What happened back there to lead me to this awkward situation? What farcical theater piece am I now a minor character in? Will I exit left persued by a bear?

The cashier returns with a bag. "Once again, I'm REALLY sorry."

I take the bag. I check it this time.

This is indeed a burrito.

"No need, all is well."

I leave with my burrito, twelve free taco coupons, and the sense that I just created chaos for an hour.

Well, looks like this one is gonna escape containment.

Favorite adderall review

You have to watch the dosage.

You have to watch the dosage.

Cooking protip: there are a lot of vegetables that you can use to bulk out a meal by adding as much as you like! But chilli peppers are not one of them!

derin what happened

I think that question is adequately answered by my cooking protip

nope, not even close.

we're hellsitians, we need everything spelled out in excruciating, anatomically correct, unforgiving, mindnumbingly exact, hot, fancy-ass corn-speckled & pea-ridden detail.

spill all the deets coward please, derin.

ALL of them????

If it helps it was a small harvest, I am a terrible gardener

cc: @petermorwood (re: the situation in the kitchen's front window)

Beautiful cow who is mooing at you

@videogamecows

COWPOST RATING: INCORRECT

that is not one of those

Meine Tante hat sich nach der Scheidung ein Haus gekauft. Nicht irgendein Haus, sondern ein Türmchen mit Anbau aus dem 14. Jahrhundert. In einen der Balken im Innenraum sind Graffitis aus dem Jahre 1537 geschnitzt. Schon irgendwie cool

Meine Tante wäre nicht sie selbst, wenn sie ihre komplette Deko nicht von Mittelaltermärkten bekommen würde. Also, größtenteils Felle.

In ihrem Schafspelzfriedhof von einem Eigenheim fehlte jetzt nur noch eins: Ihr Exmann reagierte allergisch auf Katzen. Zwei Jahre nach ihrer Scheidung holte sie sich also ein kleines Maine Coon Kitten ins Haus. Aw.

Das Kätzchen verbrachte seine Zeit damit, auf den Schultern von ihr und ihrem Freund durch die Gegend getragen zu werden. Sehr süß, 10/10. Seitdem ist das Kätzchen leider zu einer beachtlichen Katze von 7kg geworden (mit einem Jahr- das ist in etwa das gleiche Kaliber wie mein Sportmops in dem Alter). Diese sieben Kilo Katze nutzte das Gebälk des Hauses liebend gerne als Kletterwald, oder legte sich flach auf irgendwelche Felle, auf denen sie dann kaum noch zu erkennen war. Auf Schultern lässt sie sich trotzdem gerne noch tragen.

Das ganze läuft dann aber so ab: Du möchtest deine Tante besuchen. Stehst gerade für vielleicht 30 Sekunden im Wohnzimmer. Spürst vielleicht, wenn du ganz viel Glück hast, einen Luftzug. Denkst dann dass du dir gerade das Schlüsselbein zertrümmert hast, weil 7kg Katze mit abartiger Präzision aus dem Gebälk auf dich runterfallen, killing you instantly.

mother fucker unlimited

this is some ed edd eddy shit

the eyepatch. the washing machine. the shovel. this is incredible.

King of Wands

Allow me to elucidate, @a-sour-nectarine

When most people "roll their eyes", they flick their eyes directly upward, usually as far as they comfortably go, then resume looking normally.

When someone who learned the phrase before the behavior does it, they usually go in a circular (ish) motion. Since most eye movements are lines, it's usually pretty triangular: the key points are usually a diagonal up one way, then to the far other side, then to a diagonal low the first way. Thus, the eyes basically make a loop, so they "rolled".

I've found that when people who learned the up-down way first try the circular motion, they might risk motion sickness, so experiment carefully.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN MOST PEOPLE JUST LOOK UP

I'm partial to this one...

I KIND OF JUST REALIZED THAT JESSIE FROM TEAM ROCKET FORMS A FUCKING R WITH HER HAIR AND BODY

WHY DID IT TAKE ME OVER 10 YEARS TO REALIZE THIS

JAMES YOU LITTLE SHIT NOT YOU TOO

I never realized this until you pointed it out

holy fucking shit

they love doing this btw, here’s a small compilation

I JUST THOUGHT THEY WERE DOING A LITTLE GAY POSE I DIDN’T REALIZE THEY WERE MAKING AN R

Pokemon Heritage Post

me scrolling back up through my tumblr feed until the idea comes back

The ADHD/Autism experience

#I didn't realize this was an age thing and not the animaniacs are coming after you thing (via @spacebras)

Mycena subcyanocephala photographed by chofungi