I NEED TO READ I NEED TO WRITE I NEED TO CREATE I NEED TO DRAW I NEED TO CLEAN I NEED TO WORK OUT I NEED TO LEARN *watches YouTube for 6 hours*

If Batman and Spider-Man switched rogues galleries none of their villains would last more than ten minutes against the new enemy

Batman takes down all of Spider-Man’s villains with ruthless efficiency and preparation

Batman’s villains are all like “TAKE ME SERIOUSLY DAMMIT” and Spider-Man is like “No 😜”

The Joker would have an intense hatred for Spider-Man because Spider-Man is actually funny

That was the exact thought process behind this post

In Gotham:

“Riddle me this-”

“I like knock knock jokes better.”

In New York: 

Green Goblin is getting his ass beat by 12 orphans in spandex

behold, after twelve hours hunched over my desk sewing tiny clothes onto these tiny babies, i present to you...

little aziracrow customs !!!!!!

Imagine you're so small and cold and scared but there's smaller ones that are smaller and colder and more scared. I'm going to cry

i hauve a cold

its real

Biting (Illegal Maneuver)

@prettyprettysharpteeth

noooooooo Aziraphale don't turn around you won't survive the cunt this diva is serving

Oh that two year gap on my resume was when I was the architect of my own hell

So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

you have to understand the glass shattering over my head i felt when THIS was the first message i saw from noa after his surgery

Literally where would be as a society without the soup store video

ive never met anyone under 25 who hasnt seen it.

It's literally an impossibly good video. The fucking performance and sheer ANGER and building frustration from both party's, the absurdity, the slow ramping ridiculousness, the way the diologue flows off itself at a breakneck speed, the phrase "I'm at soup" the pure fucking rage off both parties, the sheer almost unbelievable idiocy from the guy who's 'at soup,' the way it ends so ubruptly without losing any momentum. Its insane. I've watched it 150 times in like 2 years its never not funny.

here’s the video since op didn’t link it

Fun fact: this was written, edited, and voice acted by one guy.

Fun fact #2: this whole sketch was apparently based on an overheard conversation where someone was trying to buy chicken at The Gap.

Fun fact #3: there is actually a clothing store called Soup.

The embed video is now dead so here is a link to the video on youtube.

History must be preserved lest society crumble

i love this team so much. this dude ballerina twirled around the first defender who came at him and then hurdled backwards over the next one, an entire grown ass man, like it was nothing. like he's in a goddamn sports anime. unbelievable

can you imagine the kind of bonkers athleticism you have to display to get an entire sideline of professional athletes to react like this