this was written. this was always going to happen. you're the wife who dies in the start of a movie and you're also the hero that spends his life avenging the death. your bones were meant to tear and break that's what you're born with.
you're the character in the horror movie who has to go in dark alley before others. he doesn't die in the process but he remains scarred forever with what he witnesses. this is what you're meant to do anyways. time will pass on and so will the suffering but you will not be able to move on from a violence that you can't even remember anymore. it will always be who you are.
you turn to things and clowns and romances and gods and angels and celebrations but your doom will follow you anyways. you can try to make it a romantic comedy but your life will always begin like a tragedy anyways. you will always be strong but not enough to pass this test. from your birth to death the doom follows.
there's something about the first child that makes them doomed from the start. you're born as something more than yourself. you're born with a permanent weight on your shoulders. if you learn to carry the weight then there's more. but if you put the weight down you will forever be called out for your bad posture.
