HellNHighHeels

i made more

doctorriver brainrot.

It's au where River lost her memory and doesn't remember the Doctor

And it really upset 13th

So, Agathario is going to be just like River and the Doctor in that my heart will just ache over the tragedy of their situation, huh.

The fact that no one will ever be fair to death since it seems so unfair to humans dooms the relationship the way that mismatched time travel dooms River and the Doctor’s.

Off to cry while writing fanfics byeeeee

i’d never have made it here alive without river song

When I say I enjoy content focusing on a specific doctorriver dynamic, I’m not saying I like one dynamic over the next. Because I don’t. 10, 11, 12, they’re all the same person at different stages of their life. Consequently, shipping the Doctor and River is like reading the most beautiful, devastating trilogy. Each book holds a different arc of their story.

When I say I want more 10River, I mean I want to see when the sparks began to fly. I want to place under a microscope the moment that burning ember of curiosity morphed into genuine friendship and intellectual and (begrudging) physical attraction. I want to listen and read of their adventures and watch how the Doctor begins to see River as a person in her own light. Not as the dead companion of future him, but the radiant, funny archaeologist he now dares call friend.

And when I say give me 11River, I mean I want to immerse myself in the early and middle stages of their marriage, the good, the bad, the rough, the smooth, as they, like many newly wedded couples, wrestle in their early years to learn how to make this marriage w o r k. I want jealous Doctor, I want the Doctor who caves to his desires and kisses River back as if she’s the only oxygen left on the moon. I want to cackle with glee as the Doctor abandons the idea of ever running away from her because it’s already too late to run. He started falling a long time ago.

And when I say pile on the 12River, I mean I want to see the latter years of their marriage, when they act like that couple that’s been married for 50+ years who says they’ve finally figured out the key to marriage because THEY HAVE. They went through hell, through darkest pits of marriage, through the miscommunications and misaligned expectations, and made it through to the other side. Instead of trying to paper the cracks, they smoothed out the rough t o g e t h e r. They relinquished every survival instinct and exposed their jugulars, their deepest fears and pains, and let themselves be completely naked and vulnerable with the other. They finally did what 10 asked River to do all those centuries ago in the library… they stayed with each other.

doctorriver | running up that hill

((also posted on my youtube linked here))

Ten and River + trying to protect each other

May I have this dance?

DOCTOR WHO The Husbands of River Song

His energy not matching hers used to bother me. Now I see he did try, but the sorrow in his eyes was clear. He knew what was coming, knew it would hurt. His eyes silently apologized for the tears she'd shed and the harsh words a younger him would soon throw at her.

They both knew what was coming for the other, but dealt with it in ways so intrinsic to their characters. The Doctor mourned - every move he made an apology, a love letter. Holding on but knowing that he had to let go and dreading how her loss was going to affect him knowing his past history of dealing with losses. She is the closest person to him since Rose - and River Song has sunk her claws in even deeper.

He doesn't want to let go. But knows that it will happen, and it will break him eventually. All that's left is how bad the fallout will be.

But River. River Song is the embodiment of "everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it". The personification of "fuck you this is mine and you cannot have it". Of "this is my life and my choices". So she holds on tight, sinks her claws in. She sees the sorrow in her husband's eyes, and buries her own deep down. She laughs in the face of those who would destroy them, because this is hers. He is hers.

And she will not let go.

Being with you and not being with you is the only way I have to measure time. (Jorge Luis Borges)

i think 'I trust you with my life but not your own' as a trope is one of the ones that can always fuck me up no matter what