Sorry to everyone for not having a chance to post lately.. Been dealing with harassment and abuse... I wrote this the other day when venting after my dad went psycho on me for taking a shower. I'll probably end up deleting this cause it's really personal and I quote other people to express and try to explain what I'm going through, just need to vent, sorry for being a burden.. 😔

Does anyone else's dad get a hard on from harassing you? Like, you don't even do ANYTHING and they just try to find any reason to try and harass you? Or your sibling does shit that pisses them off so instead they take it out on you? It's like he gets some sort of sick satisfaction from abusing me. Did I mention he stands and listens outside my door like a creep? (Caught him standing outside under my window just creeping too) I can't even take a shower when my dad's home cause he tries to find any reason to try and fight with me so he can turn the water off and fight // see me in a towel, it's REALLLY disturbing...

It's funny 'cause he'll yell at me and tell me he's going to kick me out (When he's the one who told me to move back in after I had already moved into my own apartment; long story the people upstairs wouldn't stop partying, which was a problem for me since I was working full time. I vented to my sister who told him and he offered to do the basement so I could "save up for collage and save up for my own place again" but I was a fool to actually believe him, really a fool. When has he ever helped me, ever? When has he ever been JUST nice to me? Can't even think of ONE time.. I should have never moved back into this abusive household...) for JUST TAKING A SHOWER. Literally, I just got kicked out of the shower that was only 15mins long and his reasoning "You're in there an hour!" Really? 'Cause I have to time my showers since this isn't the first time he has done this and I was rushing to be out before 20mins but nope, water is cut off. My brother can take a literal 30-an hour shower and his girlfriend someone who doesn't even live here can take a separate shower whenever but I try to take a shower once or twice a week (while he's home) and EVERY TIME, I'm harassed. (This is why I have to take showers when no one is home but I worked out late and wanted to take a quick one, thought I'd be safe but I can never feel safe around that sociopath.. Needed to get some more footage of his harassment so at least I have that for my lawyer...)

It's kind of like how during this past summer when it was hot as fuck outside, I wasn't allowed to use the AC BUT when my brother was home HE was allowed to use it. My dad would go crazy on me if I put it down just so the fan's on just to be able to breathe in the heat but wouldn't even bother my brother about it and then when the weather became cooler and cold enough outside where you don't need AC on, my brother was still using it and received no harassment! But oh no, if Janine puts it on the world has to end. Sexist. Another example: I used to work for his business and would try to go above and beyond with customer service and do what was needed so his company would sound professional and maybe if I did well enough he wouldn't treat me like shit for once for actually doing a good job but no, just a burden to let me work for our family business so he let me go and instead HIRED RANDOM OLD LADIES WHO DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING!! Lmao, let's not trust your own daughter who has experience in the field and has been employee of the month at past jobs but trust these people who don't even know how to work a computer. He let's my brothers work for him and gives them money even though he KNOWS he's enabling their drug problems right now and he gets pissed when they're on drugs at work but instead of confronting them about it and actually being a parent he comes and harass's ME, WHAT DID I DO?! YOU'RE MAD CAUSE YOU'RE GIVING THEM MONEY AND THEN THEY GO OUT PARTYING AND CAN'T WORK THE NEXT DAY BUT YOU YELL AT ME INSTEAD, WHERE IS THE LOGIC??!!?! WHERE??!?! MADNESS!!! INSANITY!!! I don't even want to talk about my brothers with this situation but it needs to be said not to call them out but to show how he mistreats me cause he's so sexist and harrass's me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

"I didn’t grow up in a stable home. My childhood wasn’t filled with catching fireflies outside nor did it involve chasing down the ice cream man. It involved self induced paranoia and sleepless nights where I had to become my own vigilante- keeping an eye out for the monster that did not live in my closet nor underneath my bed. This monster didn’t have razor sharp claws or scaly skin, this monster was much scarier. This monster was a human being and he slept right across the hallway from me."

I wish my mom never met this piece of shit, to think I could not even be born right now and not have to be dealing with this constant abuse, I don't even know anyone else who deals with constant harassment from their father like this, he's OBSESSED with trying to destroy me. To think my mom could have been in a normal relationship and actually been able to enjoy her life instead of dealing with this psychopath's obsession to tear down and destroy other's, including his own family. No wonder we weren't allowed to get close to his side of the family, he was afraid we'd find out the truth of how disgustingly cruel of a person he is, too bad ended up figuring it out the hard way.. "No child asks to be born. There is no excuse to treat them like a burden when their existence was YOUR decision.."

"I will not regret venting about this on going harassment, he's not sorry for harming me so I don't feel guilty for venting about his abuse. I have the right to protect myself and document what this toxic person puts me through even though they're "family." They already had their chance to be a decent human being but choose to continue to show their true colors over and over."

"I should have learnt the definition of abuse from a dictionary. You didn’t have to teach me what it meant."

"Why do I get outcasted from society and not my abusers? Why is society happily willing to aid and accept and adore abusers? Why do abusers easily get all and any resources, support, validation, acceptance and love? And victims are denied all of it and backed into corner and forced to pay for abuser’s crimes? Do I really need to deal with being rejected and unwanted by society on top of being abused? Do I have to watch the entire world side with my abusers? Is it never enough?"

"Enough excuses for parents who abused their kids but “meant the best”. They “meant the best” for themselves, not for the kids. It’s fucking easy to just rely on emotional abuse, threats, humiliation, shame, guilt and violence to get your way and to force your kid to stay in control and to sabotage and fuck up the child’s life so you would feel good about it, and then to just remind yourself “i meant the best” to feel no guilt about doing so whatsoever. Just repeating to yourself “it doesn’t hurt them” and “they deserved it” while actively forcing your child to keep all the obvious trauma symptoms out of sight or ensuring the child believes it’s their own damn fault for feeling the way they do.

You know what’s not easy? Having your parent force control of your life via emotional abuse, threats, shame, humiliation, violence. Your parent getting into your own head and gas-lighting your senses until you feel worthless and insane and like a monster, until you don’t dare to feel your own feelings, until you’re ashamed of the pain you feel and can’t see yourself as anything other than a horrible burden and nothing you do can ever change that or make you good enough. You know what’s even harder? Still believing that your parent “meant the best” and not even daring to blame them and still being forced to draw the conclusion that it was after all, all your fault, for existing as you do, for being who you are, for not ever being good enough! And then, on top of all of it, hearing the rest of the world agree with the parent’s view, pressuring you to never blame them, to forgive them, to never hold them responsible, to “be better” and understand them, to not ever try to place blame on anyone but yourself because then you’re the monster.

Just. How. Is. One. Supposed. To. Heal. From. That.

Healing can’t even begin until the blame is placed on the parent! This person literally benefited from their child’s suffering! They did not get affected negatively from it at all, they didn’t even care, they walked away satisfied and getting what they wanted while the child now has a lifetime of traumatic consequences and mental illness problems! Their freedom is taken away, their quality of life reduced, their relationships and friendships sabotaged, their confidence crushed! They’re placed at extra risk for addictions and obsessions because they keep falling into the black pit of trauma no matter how hard they try to distract and their life is heavy and painful no matter how well they do afterwards! Their brain can’t regulate stress properly anymore! Abuse causes literal brain damage and all this is just so the parents would get their way! And you all still insist they shouldn’t feel guilty about it or be faced with consequences of their abuse? They shouldn’t fucking admit to themselves and to their children what they’ve done? If the truth will kill them, let them die. Abused children’s right to heal comes way before the abusers feeling good about themselves."

"Living in the same place as a toxic person, especially toxic family member, is exhausting and damaging full time, not only while they’re abusing you directly, but at every moment because you just know they want to hurt you and even while they’re not doing it, you know they’re planning to, and you have no idea what to expect and when it will happen and how big the damage is going to be, being kept in uncertainty and constant expectation of abuse can drive you insane. It’s actually worse when they’re temporarily nice because you don’t even know what to make of it, it gets harder and harder to call them out or confront them, especially if they use fake niceness to manipulate others’ general opinion of them and to invalidate your claims of abuse. So even if the abuse is rare and the rest of the time they somewhat leave you alone or play nice, stress and anxiety is full time, incapability to stop or even voice their actions gets worse and piles up until you feel helpless and like you’re somehow in the wrong and accusing the abuser wont get you anywhere but makes you look bad instead.

Living in these conditions long term will fundamentally change your own perception of yourself, and the sense of your own importance and value, often it will result in trauma as well. Just knowing that you’re in environment that continually allows someone to hurt you, and even supports it, forces you to accept that the world considers hurting you something that is natural and normal and should be done. How wouldn’t that cause anxiety and feelings of unsafely and abandonment and of low self worth? It’s fucking terrifying you mean so little to this world they would have you destroyed just because someone felt like destroying you."

This quote always helps me through times like these..

"You don’t owe your family affection if they are being abusive and treating you poorly. I know that it’s so difficult not to feel guilty for holding back that love. I know that there are people who will tell you that you should just grin and bear it because they’re family. People who will shame you for the way you feel. People who will try to convince you that wanting to take care of yourself in this way is selfish and unjustified. But the truth is that it’s not your responsibility to be kind or loving to people who have consistently hurt and mistreated you – especially when these people continue to disregard your feelings, ignore your boundaries, and refuse to take responsibility for their behavior. Just because the person hurting you is family doesn’t make them an exception.

Choosing not to be affectionate with family who have abused or mistreated you doesn’t make you a bad person. It isn’t selfish or disrespectful. It’s a form of self-care. It’s about you honoring your feelings and holding people accountable for their abuse. It’s about you standing up for yourself and your needs. It’s about you making your mental health a priority. So if getting distance from certain family members is what you need right now, or permanently, then you have every right to withhold your love and leave. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for the sake of maintaining a relationship. And you don’t ever have to apologize for creating a safer space for yourself."

The harrasment and abuse just doesn't end, he just went psycho on me again for brushing my damn teeth, I'm not even doing anything wrong!!!

#Abusive Father #Harrassment #Abuse #Abusive Dad #Depression #Ptsd #Sad #Anxiety #Depressive #Depressed #Toxic Family #If You Like The Quotes Go Support The Original Writers Please #Original Quotes Are At The Top Of My Likes Section