On the few occasions that I go out and don't get catcalled every 5 minutes, I'm always like, "Whoa! Did I miss something? Did all of mankind suddenly start respecting women instead of treating them like sex objects? Oh, nope, I just look like shit today."

Sometimes you’re having a lovely day and suddenly a random dude that you have one Facebook friend in common with sends you a totally unsolicited dick pic out of the blue. And your first response may be to block this person, or if you’re me, it may be to screen shot the message and send it to his wife and then send him 100 dick pics back. LET IT BE KNOWN THAT MAY 15, 2014 SHALL FOREVER BE KNOWN AS THE DAY OF 100 DICK PICS. (Added some stickers to make the conversation more SFW)

I found out my grandmother passed away right before getting on the bus and then immediately endured the typical, "Smile, girl! You're too pretty to be sad" by the man sitting across from me. BITCH, MY GRANDMA JUST DIED. I'M SORRY THE DEATH OF ONE OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS IS KEEPING YOU FROM ENJOYING STARING AT ME.

And that's how you scare someone off you don't want to give your number to

So, I don't know about you, ladyfriends, but when I'm biking and a man blares his car horn at me and then shouts to inform me that he wants to lick the sweat from my body, I usually go home and fantasize about marrying him. Marrying him, learning to cook for him, bearing him a son that he adores, and then on his birthday preparing a romantic feast for him. As he joyfully stuffs his face, he'll say, "Darling, this is delicious! Is it lamb?" And I'll shake my head. "Rabbit?" He'll ask. I'll shake my head again. "What is it? It's so juicy and tender." And then I will laugh like only a completely psychotic woman can and inform him that he's eating his son. 

Just kidding! I love it when men scare the fuck out of me by honking at me and then scream obscene shit at me when I'm just trying to get home.