WTFhistory

I was doing research on Napoleon when I found it again

My favorite picture of him

“Try to beat me THIS time, Russia!!!”

I just laughed out loud at this for 5 minutes

Winter is coming.

if u ever get disheartened just remember people in the 19th Century were painting hot Napoleon/Tsar Alexander boyfriend yowz before our great-grandparents were even conceived

The Curious Case of Napoleon’s penis.

France’s most famous emperor liked to get around, and its believed that he suffered from both syphilis and gonorrhea. So, after his death, the doctor performing his autopsy noticed it  looked a little strange and decided to cut it off. Unfortunately this skilled practitioner failed to put it in some formaldehyde, and it was already, um, a bit shrivelled when he sold it illegally to a Corsican priest (Corsica was Napoleon’s native province, so I guess the priest was just a really big fan).

After the priest’s death, Napoleon’s family jewels stayed within his family, until it finally found its way to America in the early 20th century. Then it was purchased, ironically, by an American Urologist (a penis doctor, FYI). The now inch and half artifact was then put on display, where it was compared to a wrinkled piece of beef jerky.

The penis’ current owner was very protective of his prize, so took it off display because he thought people were making fun of it, and locked it in a trunk, allowing no one to see it. There it stayed for many years, while its owner was off collecting other morbid artifacts (like the leather seat cushions from the car Kennedy was shot in), until he died.

Just recently, his daughter discovered it in the trunk, resting on cotton in a little wooden box. Last thing I heard, she’s not selling it, but has received offers for up to $100,000. And not to long ago, a lock of Napoleon’s hair sold for $15,000.

I wonder if Napoleon knows his body parts have become hot commodities.

The “penis’ current owner” was John K. Lattimer, whom I’m starting to find very, very creepy. This Dr Lattimer was also present at the Nuremberg trials, and talked to many prominent Nazis including Hermann Göring and Rudolf Hess. AND HE HAS WEIRD NAZI MEMORABILIA, e.g., HITLER’S LOOFAH, HERMANN’S UNDERWEAR & CORSET, HITLER’S PLUSH DOG….

Only on tumblr you can read about stuff like this

Don’t forget that he also had Lincoln’s bloody collar and Nicholas Murray Butler’s prostate.

What would historical figures without weird collectors prying into their private objects?

I say like I wouldn't do this if I had money.

an itty-bitty pistol for an itty-bitty man

Fun fact!

Napoleon was 5"7! A completely reasonable height for a man in his era!

Cradle of the King of Rome

This cradle was made in 1811 for Napoleon and his wife, Empress Marie-Louise, to celebrate the birth of their son Napoleon II. It was given to the couple as a gift by the city of Paris. It is silver gilt and is decorated with gold, mother of pearl, velvet and silk. Angels hold the canopy over the head and a bird sits at the foot of the cradle. Bees decorate the sides, as they are the symbol of the Bonaparte’s. The cradle was very grand and a more practical one was commissioned for everyday use. 

on a scale of one to invade russia in the winter

how bad is your idea

 #friends don’t let friends invade russia

Leon... dude... coulda' checked in with the Weather Channel, I mean really..

my favourite thing about history is how everyone tries to invade russia but are somehow caught off guard by the russian winter 

in soviet russia country fight for you

Oh my God this is so true though, I can't even. Like the Mongols, the Swedes, the French, the Germans...

Napoleon couldn't even handle the Russian summer (though the Russians were using a retreat-and-destroy-the-land-as-they-go method). Bitch was out of there by mid-October. He came in with half a million bitches and came out with about ten thousand. Thats one in fifty men who lived. Ouch.

Don't fuck with Russia. Russia will beat you upside the head with a lead pipe called "winter".