Through Shadow
Summary: You've had feelings for Sanji ever since he was able to see you from your hiding spot in the shadows. Feelings you know the chef will never reciprocate, especially when he only has eyes for Nami. Nami who you couldn't help and hated to be jealous of. So when you find yourself spilling these jealous feelings to Sanji, you are terrified to hear what he might have to say.
A/N: Y'all...he's too good. I love him and I had to write for him. First time doing it so I hope it's good but I had too much fun writing this. This is strictly angst and fluff because I lowkey (highkey) needed it. But....will I be eventually writing a 2nd part full of spicy goodness? I can't make any promises (yes I can). I hope you guys enjoy and thank you so much for the request!
You flipped a page in the book you were currently reading, finding it was one of the last few remaining. It was just a small book on some of the things to be seen on the next island your crew was going to stop at, but it was your job as informant, or as Luffy liked to call you, the “tour guide”, to know everything and anything there was to know about the places you were going to land.
You enjoyed the job greatly, seeing as you had always loved to read and know things. Before you had joined Luffy’s crew, you were a spy of sorts for one of the local mobs on the tiny island you grew up on. It was your job to infiltrate other rival mobs and gather as much information as you could so your boss could use it to destroy them.
You loved learning new information, so doing this job for Luffy was second nature--second nature that was also being used for good, rather than unrelenting bad.
It hadn’t taken much for you to join him, having always wanted to leave your hometown and do something good with your life.
Though, the true reason you had joined was because of the simple smile, kind words, and the best meal of your life the Straw Hats’ cook had given you. Sanji was his name and you orbited around him an embarrassing amount.
You flipped another page in your book when the door to the kitchen opened, the voice of said cook floating in with it. A voice you instantly perked up to listen to, peering over the edge of the rafter you had all but claimed as your personal reading nook to find the face it belonged to. A face that had your cheeks heating even without its attention directed at you.
But your body froze when you saw another person follow after him. A person who was beautiful and fearless and who you had been jealous of ever since you laid eyes on her.
It was not in your nature to be jealous and you absolutely hated that you were, but Nami--Nami was everything you had ever wanted to be.
And she had caught the lovely eye of the cook she followed in here.
You watched from the shadows as Sanji went about pulling everything he needed to start making breakfast for the rest of the slowly waking crew, Nami placing a book full of maps on the counter as she read it over. Sanji glanced her way here and there, that perfect smile on his lips anytime she pointed something out to him.
That green emotion coiled in your chest like a snake as you watched it all happen. An emotion that grew every time you saw them together. Saw Sanji pull a smile from her, saw Sanji sweet talk and flirt with her.
It was enough to get you to walk away from the situation every time it happened, but now you were stuck watching. Stuck in your stupid reading nook in the rafters of this stupid kitchen that was all too warm and cozy and smelled ever so wonderful--smelled not only of the delicious food being cooked up, but of him. Of his cologne and freshly showered scent.
You pulled yourself further into your nook, shoving your book back into your face to keep your mind distracted. To try not to think of the conversation that was happening below you. Of who was having it.
“Here, try some. I’m trying something new.” You heard Sanji’s smoothly accented voice speak. A voice that unfortunately had you instantly looking back over the edge to find him extending a wooden spoon with whatever sauce he was cooking up on it out to Nami. She ate it without so much as a blink, Sanji watching her intently the whole time.
“Good.” She said, before going back to her book full of maps. “I think the best place to get the supplies you need is here, in this market.” And on and on she went, Sanji nodding along and smiling away at her as he continued to cook.
When they had both agreed on the best plan of action for this supply run, Nami closed up her book and began to leave. “Nami,” Sanji spoke, stopping Nami before she could fully leave. “Be sure to check with Y/N, ya? She’ll know the best places to go.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll talk to her at breakfast. Can’t find her anywhere but at mealtime.” It made you just a little proud you could hide from her, though you could hide from anyone. Blending into the shadows and going unnoticed had been your specialty way before gathering intel. It was more useful, in your opinion. Kept you safe and away from the prying eyes of those you wanted to avoid--which was everyone.
You preferred to keep to yourself. To read your books and go utterly unnoticed…but going unnoticed had its downfalls. Downfalls such as having to watch the guy, who was way out of your league and very much unattainable, flirt with the girl who was equally out of your league.
“What are you reading up there, sweetheart?” Sanji asked, his voice startling you. You kept quiet, willing the shadows to cover you in their entirety as you watched Sanji continue to chop away at some fruit, but when those ocean-blue eyes snapped up on you, one covered by a lock of his blond hair, you knew you had been found out. Your face instantly flushed under his gaze. A gaze that had always made you feel so--seen.
You remembered back to the first time that gaze had found you. It had been a relatively sunny day so the streets of your home town had been bustling with activity. You, unfortunately, had been sent by your boss to go spy on the straw hat-wearing man and his crew who had just landed on the island, so you couldn’t enjoy the day one bit.
It wasn’t hard to find the guy, seeing as he was bouncing around full of an energy you had never experienced before. It was--refreshing. No one on your island could ever dream of being that happy thanks to the mobs ruling over them.
They were looking around the larger marketplace on the island, grabbing up different kinds of meats, fish, veggies, and all sorts of food you never could have afforded yourself. And as you watched the blond buying it all, your stomach quickly began to rumble to life with the hunger you had been fending off for days now.
You may have been working for the mob, but they hardly took care of you. It was more indentured servitude than a true job. The most food you got was a scrap of bread and maybe, maybe if you were lucky, a piece of dried meat that would hold you over for a day or two before your stomach was roaring in hunger again.
You had hardly reached for the carrot sticking out of the basket he carried when those ocean-blue eyes, one covered by that lock of perfect blond hair of his, landed directly on you. Saw you. Saw you through shadow. Through shadow you had perfected the art of disappearing in. Had been practicing ever since you were a baby.
And he--he was looking at you. Really seeing you. A gaze that had your body freezing up in its spot. You’d never had to deal with this before. Never had to deal with getting caught like this.
The overly attractive blond had given you a charming smile, those eyes still refusing to leave you.
“Hello there, sweetheart.” His accented voice had made your face flush as red as a beat then and there. The straw hat-wearing guy you had been sent to spy on came over then, oblivious to your location.
“Hey, Sanji, who are you--AHHH!! A GHOST!” The blond, Sanji, had hardly batted an eye at his captain's shenanigans, those same eyes still pinning you to your spot.
“How about instead of eating this raw, I cook you something befitting a hauntingly beautiful woman such as yourself.” He had said, playing with the fact you had just been mistaken, rather loudly, as a specter.
You had hardly even realized he had offered to feed you because all you could think about was the fact that he had seen you and was now calling you beautiful. Two things no one had ever done.
When you finally came down from your shock and Luffy had come down from his scared, wildness, he had agreed to let you come aboard their ship--the Going Merry--and you had agreed to food. Any food would have done, truly, put Sanji--gods he had whipped up the most glorious meal you had ever tasted. A meal fit for a king. Something your taste buds definitely didn’t deserve.
While you had eaten, you told Luffy and his crew about your life--about life on your island. Of the mob bosses running it ragged and driving many of its residents to an early grave. It had surprised you nearly as much as Sanji finding you through shadow when Luffy offered to help. When his whole crew offered.
They had taken care of the mobs with little effort, you being a great help in their destruction. You knew where their holdouts were, where their money was kept, and who they loved the most in the world. You had been a double-edged sword ready to be drawn and used by just the right people.
Luffy had been awe-struck by your memory and ability to hide in plain sight, and after your island was saved, he offered you a place on his crew. A place you took gratefully, ready to serve this man who was the most generous man you had met--a man who would be King of the Pirates and rightfully so.
It’d been a few years since then and still, Sanji was able to see you through the shadows you practically lived in. The others on the crew always tried, but never could quite find you until Sanji pointed you out, that is, if you wanted to be pointed out. He was always kind enough to gauge your mood--whether or not you wanted to be amongst the rest of the crew. You loved them, every last one of them, but they were all so--extroverted and you were content to watch from the shadows.
“...A small history of the island we are heading for.” You spoke, flipping the cover to show him. He looked it over with a nod.
“Ah--and what have you learned?” You felt yourself grow excited at his interest and you pulled yourself just that much further from the shadows.
“There’s this rabbit that can only be found on this specific island in the mountainous regions, called the Rina. Its fur is the color of a muted rainbow and its meat is said to be chewy and sweet and is best used in--”
“Yep! The locals will also glaze it in a honey sauce mixed with its blood and cook it on a stick.” You said, absent-mindedly flipping through the pages of the book until you came to the small section on the rabbit. You looked back up at Sanji who had taken a pause from chopping, turning the page to show him the illustration of the rabbit. “We’ll have to try some.”
“Of course, sweetheart. And I’ll make a note to get some of its meat so we can cook up that stew.” You nodded happily, your mouth watering at the mere thought. You watched Sanji pick up where he had left off, throwing some of the fruit into a bowl. “What did you think of the market Nami pointed out?” That green emotion filled your chest once more and you pulled yourself right back into the shadow, flopping back onto the pillow you had pulled up here with you.
“She’s right. It’s the best place to get supplies. It’ll have everything we need.” You said rather softly, reopening your book to where you had left off. Sanji was quiet for a short moment.
“But is that where you think we should go?” You shrugged.
“Yes. Do you think we’ll be staying there for the night?” You heard the slice of a sharp knife through meat.
“Then we should dock on the western side of the island. It’s a little more secluded than the eastern docks. There are more markets there as well, but it is full of people known for their anonymity and hostility. We will find everything there as well.” You heard Sanji drop slices of meat onto a pan, it sizzling under the heat.
“Sound perfect for a crew of outlaws.” He said in a joking tone despite it being completely true. “And you will want to tell Nami this when she comes to breakfast? So she can get us there.” Again, green spiked through your heart.
“Sure. I can do that.” Silence filled the air once more as you tried to finish the last page of the book, but you couldn’t shake that snake-like emotion. “...there’s this small mountain range near the village we would stay at…a lot of the locals call it Sweethearts Ledge. There’s this tragic story behind it but the local teens just go up there to--you know.” You said, scratching at the hardcover of the book, not wanting to outright say it was a hook-up spot.
“But regardless of that it’s a local favorite to watch the sunset--see the entirety of the western side of the island. Said to be a breathtaking view.” Your nail dug so deep you nearly tore the thin fabric covering the book. “You should take Nami up there.”
All that filled the air was quiet except for the sizzle of meat. So quiet you thought Sanji had left until the pan was moved from the heat and the sizzle slowly died out.
“And why would I take Nami up there?” He said, amusement coating his voice. It had your embarrassment flooding your chest in seconds.
This is why you stayed in the shadows, why you didn’t speak to many people. Because you always had a tendency to embarrass and make a fool of yourself.
“Uh--because it’s…you know. Beautiful up there. Could have a picnic.” You rambled out, trying to save yourself, yet only managing to dig yourself a rather massive hole. “You know…”
Sanji let out a charming little chuckle that made you want to curl in on yourself. Oh gods…he was laughing at you.
“Come try this.” He said, moving on from your embarrassing train of conversation drastically. It took all your willpower to peek around the corner and look down at Sanji, who had put a little bit of meat on a small plate, the sauce he had finished on top of it. It looked delicious. So delicious it made your stomach grumble.
“I’m not hungry.” You mumbled, pulling yourself right back into the shadows. A lie. A complete lie that your stomach was hating you for. Sanji gave a little huff of air and you thought that was the end of it until you heard the screech of a chair being dragged across the floor.
Peeking over the edge again you found him doing just that, dragging a chair over to your hiding spot, small plate in hand, and a determined look on his face. You watched in shock as he climbed up onto the chair and came face to face with you, flashing that charming smile of his your way.
“Sweetheart,” He said, making your face burn like lava had been poured on it. “We both know that’s a lie. I need your opinion.” He said, placing the plate on the large rafter you sat on. You watched the plate like it was the most interesting thing in the world, not able to meet his gaze--look at his too-handsome face.
“You already had Nami try it.” You mumbled, looking back to your book as you tried to re-read the same sentence you had been trying to re-read for a minute now.
“Yes, but she doesn’t understand the dish’s complexities like you.” You’re eyes snapped onto his face, that grin never once leaving his handsome face. His eyes were watching you just as you had been watching that plate.
And your face was going to melt off it was so hot.
“Uh…but--” Sanji chuckled again, picking up the bit of meat and extending it to you. Extended it into your shadowy heaven.
“Please, sweetheart. Just one bite?” You’re mouth ran dry. He had to stop calling you that. Had to stop seeing through your shadows. It was going to destroy you.
Unable to find the words, you merely nodded, allowing Sanji to feed you his hard work. You ate it all, chewing it slowly. You took note of every bit of seasoning and spice and texture you could. And Sanji watched you the whole time, his eyes moving from your lips to your eyes and then back to your lips again.
“I wouldn’t want to take Nami up to Sweethearts Ledge. I would want to take my sweetheart, sweetheart.” You nearly choked on the bit of food in your mouth, coughing to keep from doing so. You sat up so fast, you hit your head on the ceiling, causing yet another coughing fit to spill from your lips. “Oh--Y/N do you need water?” You shook your head, feeling utterly mortified.
“No--no…” When you finally calmed your cough, you shyly looked back to Sanji, finding him watching your every move. His face was set in a near-serious tone. Near--near nervous? Was Sanji nervous? There was no way. Not Sanji, the man whose second language was flirting and hitting on women. “You’re teasing me.”
“Teasing you?” He asked, looking a bit shocked you were even suggesting it.
“Yes. You’re teasing me because I’m--” You glued your teeth shut before you could say something that would further embarrass yourself--humiliate yourself. “It’s not nice, Sanji.” You said, you’re tone turning harsh. But you couldn’t take it--getting teased in such a way. Your heart couldn’t take it.
“Stop calling me that.” Something like hurt flashed in his eyes. A hurt you hated to see. But you had to protect yourself because you couldn’t handle getting yourself hurt. You were too--fragile.
“Did I do something? If I did I am truly sorry.” You shook your head, a slight frustrated huff spilling from your lips.
“No, you--” Another little huff. Sanji’s ocean eyes never once left you--kept piercing through the shadows. “You like Nami.” You said, your voice all but defeated. Sanji’s eyebrows fell the slightest bit, eyes softening. You hated it--hated his pity.
“I’ll never be like her, that’s why you're teasing me. Everyone teases me because--because…I’m not like her. Because she’s--she’s perfect. She’s strong and confident and beautiful--”
Sanji reached into your shadows once more and covered your mouth with his hand. A hand that was strong and sported small scars he had gained from his culinary journey. A hand your skin always zapped to life under whenever he touched you in the most simple ways.
You stared at each other for a moment that seemed to stretch on like an eternity. Just watching the other. Sanji’s eyes held such--shock in them. Almost…hurt?
“Don’t…” He was upset. You upset him. You’re heart felt heavy and hard and like it would snap in two at any moment. You hadn’t wanted to upset him. “Don’t say such things about yourself.”
He was upset…upset for you?
“Y/N…sweetheart, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. You are smart and sneaky and kind-hearted…” He gave an airy chuckle, “and you know the difference between ragù and ragoût.” You felt your eyes begin to prick as you shakily pulled Sanji’s hand from your mouth, keeping hold of it.
“Ragù is a sauce…Ragoût’s stew.” You said, your voice just as shaky as your hand. Sanji’s smile pulled up onto his lips as he nodded, another little airy chuckle leaving his lips.
“You are my sous-chef, my friend, my sweetheart.” Tears did well in your eyes then. Tears you tried to hide from the man saying such sweet, sweet things to you, but he took hold of your chin in a gentle manner, keeping your eyes on him. “Y/N, you’re beautiful--hauntingly beautiful and I couldn’t image anyone else I would rather take up to that mountain and serenade with a delicious meal than you.”
Your tears did fall then. Hot, burning tears you had been holding back ever since childhood. Tears you felt tear through your very soul.
You wanted to believe he was lying. That he was being cruel, but his eyes--those ocean-blue eyes told you everything you needed to know. Told you Sanji believed every word he was saying. His thumb wiped away your tears, that smile of his never once leaving his face.
“You’re beautiful--even when you cry. Even shroud in shadow.” A little, pathetic sob escaped your lips as you wrapped your arms around Sanji’s neck, nearly sending the chef falling off the chair he stood on. He stood strong, wrapping his own arms around you the best he could at this angle. As tight as he could. “I’m not teasing.” He whispered in your ear, as if to confirm it.
“I-I know.” Another little sob you tried to hold back fluttered from your lips. “I-I’m sorry…no--no one has ever said that before--b-been so nice to me.” You felt Sanji shake his head against your cheek.
“Well, they’re utter fools for not searching hard enough for such a gem.” You pulled away the slightest bit so you could look into his face. Hesitatingly, you went to brush away the bit of hair blocking his left eye, but you paused.
Sanji noticed this and leaned into your touch, silently telling you it was okay to do so--to touch him. You did, brushing away that hair so you could look deeply into both his ocean-blue eyes.
“How--how did you see me? That first time, back on my home island? How did you see through the shadows?” Sanji’s thumb rubbed little circles on your back, sending your skin burning.
“Because it was hard to not see you--because I’m no fool.” A smile pulled onto our own lips. A smile that pulled a small laugh from your rusty throat. A smile that Sanji copied in an instant. “Gods, you’re stunning.” You shook your head slightly, his words still too kind.
Sanji brought his hand to take hold of your chin again, his thumb brushing over the curve of your bottom lip. “So, so pretty. So, so divine. So, so lovely. So, so beautiful.”
You gave a little shaky huff of air, trying to hold back yet another sob that threatened to pull itself from your chest before you pressed your lips to Sanji’s. Lips that were so soft and plush and tasted vaguely like the sauce he had no doubt tried before coming over here.
You hardly had much experience kissing anyone--only ever having kissed one other man before the chef and that had been a drunken, sloppy thing. So this--this was new. This was exciting. And gods if you weren’t nervous, but Sanji kissed you gently, slowly. Kissed you in a guiding manner that allowed you not to think too much about the action and let you just enjoy it. Really, really enjoy it.
When you two pulled away for air, you couldn’t help the giggle that spilled from your lips. A giggle you tried to muffle but placing a hand over your mouth.
“Why are you trying to hide, huh?” Sanji said in an equally as jovial tone. “You know you can’t hide from me.” A laugh of his own pulled from his throat as he took your hand away from your lips and kissed you again. A quick thing. A kiss he did again and again until your ribs were aching from all the happy giggling you were doing. “Such an exquisite sound.” You rolled your eyes, though your smile stayed plastered on your face.
“Oh no. Never. Darling, I will shower you with praise in my every waking moments. I’ll do it in my sleep, just you watch.” You ran your fingers over his grinning cheek, taking in as much of his features as you could possibly take in at once.
You had just kissed that. Kissed this handsome, handsome man who you would have never dreamed of actually kissing in your wildest dreams.
“...fine. I guess I can endure.” Sanji gave another little laugh before kissing your lips once more. A kiss you gave right back in seconds.
“Now, how about you come down here and tell me how breakfast tasted?”
