flights of fancy

saw a graffiti that said “mina” with some hearts drawn around it today… jonathan harker lives

ghost hunting team that keep a nonbeliever named steve around as an emergency supernatural suppressant

he waits in the car with a walkie talkie while they investigate and if things break bad they call him in. as soon as he enters everything stops floating around/trying to kill the hunters and he rolls his eyes and goes back to the car.

he’s not bluffing. i can’t emphasize that enough. he 100% believes that the hunters calling him in is either a prank, to make him feel useful, or because they’re spookable cowards who panicked when a book fell.

he stays because the money is good and he can play his gameboy in the car.

i fucking love this so much. it’s like having a service animal but instead it’s a guy named steve who owns more cargo shorts than the Gap continuously baffled by why he keeps getting befriended by goths.

the french beatles

jean, paul, george, et ringeaux

Starting a collection

If you have more I'd love to see them this is my favorite meme format ever

i just said out loud, “you know what really gargles my goyles?” and then i had to just sit there and accept that i now live in a world where someone said those words in that order. and now so do you. what a tangled web we weave

Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life

Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Weird when you first start paying attention to animal noises and realize they don't actually sound like the words we use

Like. I've never heard a duck go "Quack." Duck goes WAUK or ERK or HEHHHHH-HHH-H-H, if it's a Muskovy

Chickens are the most accurate with the buk-buk-buk noise, and baby chicks do in fact go "peep", but the "peep" is really more of a squeaky beEEP and adult hens will also bwuAAAAAAAAAAK-AUK-AUK-AUK-AUK.

Roosters do NOT "cock-a-doodle-doo", though. Roosters ER ER-ER ER ERRRRRRRR and they will do it at all ungodly hours of the day from sunrise to sunset.

Cows, again, pretty close with "Moo", but it feels like it needs an "r" in there somewhere. Like mmMMOUuuuure.

Sheep. Sheep really do actually "baa". I can't argue with that. Though an adult might also Phbrbobrbr, and a lamb will mostly MAAAH.

Horse sounds like NH-Hh-Hh-Hhr, or Pphft, or RIIIIII if shit's going down. So I guess "neigh" is fine.

Pigs. Pigs... they'd cab say oink, but only 'cause I don't know how to spell a deep, phlegmy sinus snort with English letters. f'gĥŭrhk, maybe. Pigs are beyond mortal laws.

Dog goes BOOF or Aurk or AuoooooooOOOOO unless it is a Husky or a Beagle. Husky goes AWOWOWOWOWOWeeeeeswAAAAUUGGHGGGGHGGOOOOIOOORAURAURAURA. Beagle goes weeeIGHIHIGHIGHIGHIWROWOOOOOWBROUROUROURBROUGHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH in the voice of a dying adult man

Cat makes whatever noise it fucking wants

And turkeys, of course, say mrrrrr or WOBBLEOBBLEOBBLEOBBLEOBBLE all together at the same time like a terrifying hivemind. This is known

I read an AITA post a few weeks back about a woman who liked having snacks in the bath when she's had a long day (a result of residual trauma iirc - the bath was her safe space). Her brand new husband of three weeks, a man twice her age who had no job, made her pay all of his bills and do all housework, and spent all day every day gaming because he wanted to make it as a Twitch streamer, had always been fine with this; but, on the day in question, had whisked her bath snacks out of her hands as she was on her way to the bathroom and tried to bin them, telling her it was time to 'break her of that filthy habit in his home'. She told him if he ever actually paid anything towards the house she owns outright he might get a say, took her snacks back, and had her lovely bath. He was since giving her the silent treatment.

(Obviously the judgement was an avalanche of 'NTA and also he's abusing you', which she agreed with, and decided to kick him out, so happy ending.)

Anyway I told my husband about this and he was outraged. "I would never do that!" he told me, furious. "I would find it adorable if you had bath snacks!"

Since then, every time I try to have a bath (which I only do as a rare treat) after about ten minutes there has been an anxious scrabbling at the bathroom door.

"Elanor!" he says. "Do you have bath snacks? Do you need anything?"

My answer is irrelevant. He brings me wine and poptarts. Now I have bath snacks. I'm a bath snacks person. Last time he was literally sleeping on the sofa when I went for the bath. Somehow this still happened. I now have an eager bathroom butler. How did this happen. I have never been so decadent yet bewildered.

some asshole: tries to control his wife by withholding bath snacks

op's husband:

Put neck in vampire mouth. Put neck in vampire mouth. Vampire mouth perfec t size to put neck in to rest! inside very soft and comfort neck feel comfortable put neck in vampire mouth. put neck in vampire mouth. no problems ever in vampire mouth because good shape and support for neck. avampire mouth yes a place for neck put neck in vampire mouth can trust vampire for giveing good love to neck. friend vampire.

Join our patreon so we can pay our voice actors to record more silly things.

can't say enough positive things about the humble square bracket in a writing draft. [place name] [adjective] [description of x] you have saved me from staring at a poorly crafted sentence for hours more times than you could ever know,

The problem w writing fiction is that you'll be like tee-hee I'm going to write a story about a fucked up little scenario that's got nothing to do with anything in real life, just some pure messed up nonsense, and then you finish it and take a step back and go aw rats I made a metaphor again

you could really just say whatever in the old days like you could tell someone ‘my fiancé’s father is the cultural attaché to greece’ and they’d just have to be like, that doesn’t sound right but i don’t have any way to google this so

feels so wrong that itll be 2025 soon. fake year. science fiction year

Murderbot, a construct that was built and used to do extreme violence it's entire existence : I hate talking to people but I will try to resolve this situation peacefully if I can, threats only make people panic and then they take irrational decisions. Extreme violence is sometimes unavoidable but last resort.

ART, a peaceful research transportation : I love talking to people because I can threaten them with extreme violence right off the bat and it makes them do what I want (ads more totally-not-weapons to it's research equipment)

need a bi4bi t4t m/f pairing where the girl is a giant freak and not in the "cute manic pixie" way but in the "unethical experiments in my fucked up laboratory" way and the guy is a golden retriever who thinks he can fix her. and he brings her cute bento lunches and she's like "bradley shut up put on your fucking gloves and hold this possum down so i can graft these giant grasshopper legs to it"

your brain is unfathomably colossal

Listen All Systems Red is so so funny from Gurathins perspective imagine you grew up with Space Socialism and was hired to go help some pal with science but you weren't allowed to go unless you rented AmaTeslas Torment Nexus Alexa Dot and then when you get there you find out a whole continent of people got annihilated by their Tourment Nexus rentals so you take a moment to check yours quickly and find out it already had disengaged its Don't Kill People box, the only thing you've ever been told prevented them from mass homiciding their clients, something that LITERALLY just happened to people you knew a day ago, and when you say to your fellow socialist doctors HEY I think our Tourment Nexus is fucked up and it's files said it killed dozens of people barely a year ago and we should probably get the hell away from it the same doctors are like look at what you're saying. You're hurting the Tourment Nexus' feelings. The Tourment Nexus is just a little construct who likes Netflix Gurathin stop antagonizing it on the plane ride.