Except every goat is just waiting its turn to die of pneumonia

Sorry I’m not over “if a dog barked in Kazakhstan”.

My entirely half-assed understanding of Why Horses Explode If You Look At Them Funny, As Explained To Me By My Aunt That Raises Horses After Her Third Glass Of Wine:

Horses don’t got enough toes.

So, back right after the dinosaurs fucked off and joined the choir invisible, the first ancestors of horses were scampering about, little capybara-looking things called Eohippus, and they had four toes per limb:

They functioned pretty well, as near as we can tell from the fossil record, but they were mostly messing around in the leaf litter of dense forests, where one does not necessarily need to be fast but one should be nimble, and the 4 toes per limb worked out pretty good.

But the descendants of Eophippus moved out of the forest where there was lots of cover and onto the open plains, where there was better forage and visibility, but nowhere to hide, so the proto-horses that could ZOOM the fastest and out run thier predators (or, at least, their other herd members) tended to do well.  Here’s the thing- having lots of toes means your foot touches the ground longer when you run, and it spreads a lot of your momentum to the sides.  Great if you want to pivot and dodge, terrible if you want to ZOOM.  So losing toes started being a major advantage for proto-horses:

The Problem with having fewer toes and running Really Fucking Fast is that it kind of fucks your everything else up.

When a horse runs at full gallop, it sort of... stops actively breathing, letting the slosh of it’s guts move its lungs, which is tremendously calorically efficient and means their breathing doesn’t fall out of sync.  But it also means that the abdominal lining of a horse is weirdly flexible in ways that lead to way more hernias and intestinal tangling than other ungulates.  It also has a relatively weak diaphragm for something it’s size, so ANY kind of respiratory infection is a Major Fucking Problem because the horse has weak lungs.

When a Horse runs Real Fucking Fast, it also develops a bit of a fluid dynamics problem- most mammals have the blood going out of thier heart real fast and coming back from the far reaches of the toes much slower and it’s structure reflects that.  But since there is Only The One Toe, horse blood comes flying back up the veins toward the heart way the fuck faster than veins are meant to handle, which means horses had to evolve special veins that constrict to slow the Blood Down, which you will recognize as a Major Cardiovascular Disease in most mammals. This Poorly-regulated blood speed problems means horses are prone to heart problems, burst veins, embolisms, and hemophilia.  Also they have apparently a billion blood types and I’m not sure how that’s related but I am sure that’s another Hot Mess they have to deal with.

ALSO, the Blood-Going-Too-Fast issue and being Just Huge Motherfuckers means horses have trouble distributing oxygen properly, and have compensated by creating fucked up bones that replicate the way birds store air in thier bones but much, much shittier.  So if a horse breaks it’s leg, not only is it suffering a Major Structural Issue (also also- breaking a toe is much more serious when that toe is YOUR WHOLE DAMN FOOT AND HALF YOUR LEG), it’s also hving a hemmorhage and might be sort of suffocating a little.

ALSO ALSO, the fast that horses had to deal with Extremely Fast Predators for most of thier evolution means that they are now afflicted with evolutionarily-adaptive Anxiety, which is not great for thier already barely-functioning hearts, and makes them, frankly, fucking mental.  Part of the reason horses are so aggro is that if deinied the opportunity to ZOOM, it’s options left are “Kill everyone and Then Yourself” or “The same but skip step one and Just Fucking Die”.  The other reason is that a horse is in a race against itself- it’s gotta breed before it falls apart, so a Horse basically has a permanent terrorboner.

TL;DR: Horses don’t have enough toes and that makes them very, very fast, but also sickly, structurally unsound, have wildly OP blood that sometimes kills them, and drives them fucking insane.

This is the biology version of what's known as "redneck engineering."

The MCU belongs to THEM

FITZSIMMONS APPRECIATION WEEK ★ day seven: free choice - iain and lil once said

this trio is way too good

the main) heartstopper gang 10 years into the future (aka what they would look like in 2021 if heartstopper were actually set in 2010) + some group chat shenanigans because YES this teenage friend group DOES stay together and so do all the couples <3 paris squad 5ever! i will not hear otherwise!!!!!!!

most of this isn’t remotely canon, they’re just my own ideas :’) just a tiny tiny project i drew this in-between bingewatching lectures for my upcoming exam! everyone wish me luck i REALLY need it

Now you can understand how it sounds when i hear any siren

art

tornado sirens normally: 📢⚠️🌪 THERES A TORNADO 📢💥❗️

these tornado sirens: 💫🌸✨ there's a tornado 🥰 🌈🌱

✨😻💖🎶four tornadoes 🎶💖😻✨

https://twitter.com/profannieoakley/status/1357768408671027202

 This thread is gold… make your own here: https://htck.github.io/bayeux/#!/

When Taylor puts a 10-minute long song at #1 on Global Spotify tomorrow in an era when songs under 3 minutes perform best... then we will all realize

Headcannon:

Torres is that young bachelor who cries from joy at a wedding, dances like nobody's watching at the reception, and finds love when the night ends!

If Marvel doesn't make this happen, I'll write it myself. 🥰😂

Tag Team: @norabrice1701 @stylesthesunflower @dreaminrubies @lovie-barnes @zemoslittlebird @belle82devart @scuttle-buttle @myvillainarc @writteninsaturn

I’m weak for foeyay and villainous ships where two people are capable of destroying the world. I just think it’s fun to read 🥰🌼

Rielle and Corien from the Empirium trilogy by Claire Legrand are absolutely my favorite type of duo. They have such a twisted yet deeply compelling relationship that develops over the series and are one of the main reasons why I love this series so much.

Now you can understand how it sounds when i hear any siren

art

tornado sirens normally: 📢⚠️🌪 THERES A TORNADO 📢💥❗️

these tornado sirens: 💫🌸✨ there's a tornado 🥰 🌈🌱

✨😻💖🎶four tornadoes 🎶💖😻✨

Reasons why fitzsimmons are the blueprint of perfect ships

1. Fitz and Jemma literally can read each others minds! Literally one brain

2. Fitz tried to save jemma from the chitauri virus without thunking it'll affect him too

3. Meanwhile jemma tried to jump from the bus just too save fitz

4. FITZ WAS READY TO JUMP FROM THE BUS FOR HER

5. Your favorite sandwich. Prosciutto and buffalo mozzarella with the hint of home made pesto aiolo

6. the whole in the bottom of the ocean sacrifice and how simmons made a badass move by saving him too

7. Crossing the galaxy TWICE for simmons. Once for her and once for her BOYFRIEND??

8. The whole we're cursed convo

9. Simmons entered the framework, saw the worst parts of fitz and still never gave up on him. Saved him from that idiot robot bitch

10. Also not to forget, what daisy said when they were getting attacked by the LMDs. "You and fitz belong together... this is not how your story ends"

11. Fitz and AIDA' convo 😩

12. *Simmons gets gulped by time stones into the future*

Fitz : I'll go into the future even if it takes me 70 years

13. WE'RE UNSTOPPABLE TOGETHER

14. THEN MARRY ME FITZ * shoots* and then kisses

15. THE MARRIAGE. THE SPEECH. EVERYONE SHIPPING THEM EVEN BEFORE THEY BOTH KNEW??

16. DEKE SHAW

17. *fitz dies* Jemma : I'll travel through space to find him again

18. THE WHOLE 6 × 06 episode!!

"I AM ALLOWED TO WANT TO SAVE YOU"

" I'LL SAVE YOU EVERYTIME or I'LL DIE TRYING I DON'T CARE"

19. Forgets about fitz risking her memory to save fitz

20. REUNITE! REVEALS A BABY ANDDD HAPPPY ENDINGGG!!

Have to add something between 19 and 20, when she forgot him, their grandson tried to revive her memories of fitz, by immitating him. She then responds by guessing he must be impersonating James Bond.