aperture science exsanguination cranny

They offered me a job as a fucker. Yeah you heard me right, a fucker. Job is to fuck things. Boss points at something and says fuck it, I fuck it. That's my job. And I'm damn good at it. Pays like dirt and wears on the mind. Wears on the mind.

The who

just learned about farming simulator

I mean, I already knew about it, but I just learned about it

Did you know that the target audience for Farming Simulator is actual real-world farmers? Because I didn’t. I just assumed that farmers probably don’t want to go home from a day of farming to do some (presumably highly inaccurate) virtual farming?

Like, imagine if the target audience for Power Washing Simulator was actual professional power washers.

Farming Sim gets sponsored by companies and shit to put ads in their games. But since the game is for farmers, all of the ads target farmers. Advertising products that, realistically, only farmers would be interested in. Aka John Deere tractors and shit.

There’s a fucking farming sim esports league. Where do they play? Agriculture conventions. not gaming conventions. agriculture conventions.

post cancelled this is way funnier

My buddy who is a farmer has the type of planter that drives itself across the field using GPS at a steady speed, and he just needs to turn it around at the end of each row. He added a little folding desk to his chair and plays farming simulator on it while he plants.

okay playing farming simulator while farming is crazy

<- Where do they play? Agriculture conventions.

Yes, they have it at the agriculture festival near me and do yearly comps. There are multiple groups, too: pros, casual, and different age groups. I'm hoping to watch one of the events this year but it's getting too pricy and crowded.

IT’S GETTING TO PRICY AND CROWDED

As an adult you must cultivate the skill of “Gross! Oh, well. Not my business.”

Applies to everything from BDSM parties to your sister’s godawful interior design choices to weird bachelor pad meals eaten over a sink.

Gross! Oh, well. Not my business.

fuuuuck that is my circus. are those…? yep… those are my monkeys….. goddammit.

what are many or several of you on about.

i went to the met today

Just an fyi cobalt is currently the most toxic oil paint usually. Older oil paints from old masters are also most likely made with lead.

So the death via oil paint isn’t impossible tbh

i can’t die but thank you :) im sure this information will be useful for someone who can

just learned about farming simulator

I mean, I already knew about it, but I just learned about it

Did you know that the target audience for Farming Simulator is actual real-world farmers? Because I didn’t. I just assumed that farmers probably don’t want to go home from a day of farming to do some (presumably highly inaccurate) virtual farming?

Like, imagine if the target audience for Power Washing Simulator was actual professional power washers.

Farming Sim gets sponsored by companies and shit to put ads in their games. But since the game is for farmers, all of the ads target farmers. Advertising products that, realistically, only farmers would be interested in. Aka John Deere tractors and shit.

There’s a fucking farming sim esports league. Where do they play? Agriculture conventions. not gaming conventions. agriculture conventions.

post cancelled this is way funnier

My buddy who is a farmer has the type of planter that drives itself across the field using GPS at a steady speed, and he just needs to turn it around at the end of each row. He added a little folding desk to his chair and plays farming simulator on it while he plants.

okay playing farming simulator while farming is crazy

<- Where do they play? Agriculture conventions.

Yes, they have it at the agriculture festival near me and do yearly comps. There are multiple groups, too: pros, casual, and different age groups. I'm hoping to watch one of the events this year but it's getting too pricy and crowded.

IT’S GETTING TO PRICY AND CROWDED

The who

the world is running out of glassblowers and yet you want to become a fucking doctor

One of the most jarring moments of my university education was in a physics class when I was given a device that measures gravity and was told “this cost the university sixteen thousand dollars, but the only glass blower in the world who could make the glass springs inside it died so it’s literally irreplaceable. If you drop it those springs will shatter. Go fuck around with it for a day and take some measurements”

sometimes I'll see a post about some discourse and just think "who the actual fuck is getting into fights about that"

*turns over a log in the woods and sees the little bugs engaged in a fistfight* have you guys ever seen the sun

btw I'm not talking about niche fandom drama. this was specifically about one post I saw about how it's cruel to pet animals

Concept: fratsonas. Create a self-insert that’s a douchey frat bro. Mine’s name is Josh

Everyone keeps tagging this saying they’re Chad but listen guys. We can’t all be a Chad. If you really want your fratsona to be a Chad you have to earn it

Ok so like I don’t usually add to posts on here but I’ve got a story about fratsonas:

I used to work at a cafe/crepe place and right before I left for school I was telling my coworker (Kyle) about how I had been thinking about joining the wakeboard club. It was funny to me because I am a very tiny lady and the rest of the club are all big buff bro dudes with long hair and backwards snap backs. So Kyle and I got to poking a little fun at them and began talking to each other in the “bro voice” at work, saying things like “bruh boutta flip this crepe bruh it’s gonna be gnarly, boutta shred this cheese like I shred the waves bruh” “yeah bruh you gotta SnapBack?? Cool cool” and so on. This went on for a couple days and eventually we came up with names for our frat boy alter egos. I was Chaz Michael Skyler and Kyle was Javelin Reviol Mcdermitt the Second. Our shenanigans ensued for like a week as we developed personalities and backstories for our fratsonas. Eventually the rest of he staff got in on it. One girl went by Shredder Cheese and would do the rock on sign, stick her tongue out and yell “SHREDDER!!” And we’d all cheer in the back room. Another guy went simple by Legend. He was the coolest frat guy by far. A real strong silent type. A personal favorite of mine was our assistant manager joined in as an exchange student from Ireland nicknamed Shotgun Shamus who could shotgun literally anything. We’d be making batter in the back room and he’d drop to his knees and shotgun the left over milk before crushing the carton against his forehead and slamming it into the recycle bin. This went on right up until my last day.

This is beautiful

Frat LARPing

07,01,2025