Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

you've heard of her right? the whole town's talking about her. the girl who turned kinda weird through the intersection. we all saw and we're mad at her.

always learning more about the world

I think, on some level, that Shen Yuan is like enrichment for Airplane Bro's enclosure. I think Airplane Bro kind of fucking LOVES having this guy around. Like, I do think their relationship is nuanced, weird and full of contradictions and not always good for them, but I also think that some chaotic part of Shang Qinghua honestly likes having his #1 hater weirdo running around completely fucking up his world.

Shen Qingqiu, grabbing Shang Qinghua by the shoulders: "Why didn't anyone TELL ME that Binghe is GAY NOW?! I'm going to die because of MONSTER DICK?!?!?!"

Shang Qinghua: (internally, probably only half-consciously) "Incredible. Amazing. How did I live without you? You torture me with your bullshit. You complete me in every possible way. I think we might be soulmates and we should make out about it. I hate you. I love you. You mean nothing to me and everything to me. This isn't your story and you stole it from me. I wrote this for you without even knowing you existed. You are a fascinating mystery that I will never solve. I will throw you under the bus at the first opportunity and yet I can't stop risking my life to help you. Your stupid game of gay murder chicken with my emotionally and mentally unstable protagonist is going to destroy the world and kill us all and I've never felt more alive. You have changed me as a person. Let's do this forever."

Shang Qinghua: (out loud) "Lol, sucks to be you, bro. At least you can get laid."

why are people not more insane about wyllach. he jeopardized everything to protect her and he didn't even know her. Everyone tells her to endure hell a second time just to keep living but he's the only one who tells her he will go there with her. she is SO much taller than he is. can anyone hear me is this thing on

a meme that DEFINITELY needed improving. thank you all

I feel like the reason there’s no actual debates on like which of the 3 MXTX protags would win in a fight is cuz Xie Lian would mop the floor with them both in 10 seconds

died and came back right. there was definitely something wrong with me before? resurrection fixed me i think

died & came back & it's creeping people out how well-adjusted I am now? everyone's on eggshells waiting for something terrible to happen. honestly i feel terrific

Ares watching odysseus murder all of the suitors with a bucket of popcorn and a piña colada: oh hell yeah.

Penelope like you come here after 20 years, I was waiting, and now you have the AUDACITY to imply I wouldn't love you anymore?? Okay then how about you take your bed and get the fuck out of her. Oh what's that, you can't do that? That's what my husband would say you idiot, you don't get to come back here after all this time and say you're not my husband how DARE you do that you think you're the only one who's been waiting you beautiful moron of course you're my husband of course I fucking love you I didn't wait all this time just for you to show up here and say that I don't, now stop asking stupid questions

Epic crew: Lets travel to Ithaca to livestream the premiere of "How Fucking Difficult it is to get to Ithaca" the Musical! What could go wrong?

Odysseus: Would you still love me if you knew all the horrible things I’ve done?

Penelope, twirling her hair: What horrible things?

Antinous: 🎶Only the ocean and I will know~🎶

Poseidon: THE OCEAN!? *Wheezing Ichor Filled Coughs* HELL NO! LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!

Apollo: Please Uncle, you'll tear your stitches.

One Song Later

Ares: Athena, Imma be honest, I think I'm in love with him. I need him physically, emotionally, carnally. I need him in a way I've never needed a mortal before—

Penelope: Would I fall in love with you again? Hmmm, well. Can you also move our marriage bed over there? Hmmm? What? I thought we were pretending to be stupid by asking the most idiotic questions.

The King has returned

Ithaca saga completely changed my brain chemistry.

Given how wizards are themed around higher education, with their universities and ivory towers, I wanna see more fiction that goes into their published papers.

Like, there should be massive drama in the Wizarding world about how Fantasy Wikipedia says "There's no consensus about the origins of skydoves" when in fact, there very much is, everyone knows they were created in the first or second dragon wars, and that's uncontroversial. One single wizard at the University of Towers who thinks they're an offshoot of mermaids DOES NOT MEAN IT'S AN OPEN ISSUE.

Papers that are rebuttals to other magical discoveries. Like, look, that spell just won't work, and you can't call it a "theoretical exercise" just to cover up the fact that you've not been able to cast it. You can't combine Ichthyomancy with completely unrelated elemental summonings, that's just not how magic works, in all due respect.

Thesis defense would be significantly scarier when all your reviewers can cast Everburning Fireball on your ass.

Learning Theoretical Evocation from a hungover lizardman TA at 8am, because the professor for this course has been off on the Elemental Plane of Circles for half the semester trying to finish her paper on how Centaurs predate horses rather than the other way around.

Speaking of which, the life of a wizard graduate student... You keep getting called to go on "quests" which are just overgrown research expeditions to help out some professor's project. You spent nearly a month in that damp castle capturing all the spinfrogs you could find, all to help your professor's project on the possibilities of concentrated soul essences. To this day, you still get dizzy whenever you see battlements, let alone a donjon.

Wizarding 'Publish or Perish' is actually quite literal

Joyous Wet Beast Wednesday to those who observe.

Jesus fucking Christ this thing jump scared me.

Given their usual speed, it would likely be a highlight of this beasts entire life to know it had ever jump scared someone.

Twice!

Maybe I’m an old man but goddamn, these vampires with blood dripping down their chins–that’s your food!! THAT’S YOUR FOOD!! Close!! Your!! Mouth!! You think some asshole slobbering chicken noodle soup or yogurt or clam chowder all down themselves would be sexy??? What makes you any different, you sticky-stained slackjawed screwball??? Close your mouth!! Use a napkin!! And for godssakes stop looking so smug, like, “Oooo, I’m a creature of the night look at what sustains me” yeah uh huh a fucking lack of basic hygiene is what I’m seeing and it is not impressive!! At all!! My nephews are three years old and they drool less than you do!! You’re how many centuries old?!?! ACT LIKE IT

This is even funnier when you know that Lestat canonically goes on this rant in the books