So tired of the existence of a current artist. Just wanna be silly and talk with only my fellow internet weirdos, sharing our love for little things that bring joy in our lives.
Forced to go out and socialise, build connections, put up an act of corporate modesty, just for a hope to find someone who needs you.
I had a very unpleasant experience, being told how great and unique my work and style is, being pampered in compliments only to be told that I got replaced before even signing an internship. Just the amount of sucking up that's done is gross.
I worked on a vr movie, it was... something. People were unqualified, I was feeling like running a fool's errand. I fixed their mistakes but had to keep to myself how bad everything was because people who were supposed to know better than me didn't point out the issues. I enjoyed adding the little touches of my creativity into the environment design, working out how everything can be made as low poly as possible. But the whole forced socialisation factor of meetings and such, it drains the life out of me. Just tell me in text, please, you're not putting it to words easier. Oh and yeah, you still haven't paid me for over a month for my last month's work :/
I feel bad, annoying, guilty even whenever I keep pushing myself out there. Shit, reposting my own art is still making me embarrassed. I don't want to do that but at this point, I need to get over it. As flawed I can be I just need to get up. I know that remaining independent from any of those corporate shills is the way, I cannot bear the fakeness there. I don't like how as an artist I'll basically sell my soul to the internet. But that's the preferable option for me.
I think I'll prefer to open my heart for the world of strangers to see than be closed and drowned in fake displays of civility.