Here There Be Unicorns

The early bird gets the

When I say I'm bouncing on it, this is what I mean

Hubert Quellinus

Herm of Priapus, 1646 - 1670

Rijksmuseum

Hubertus Quellinus or Hubert Quellinus (August 15, 1619, Antwerp – 1687) was a Flemish printmaker, draughtsman and painter and a member of the prominent Quellinus family of artists.  His engravings after the work of his brother, the Baroque sculptor Artus Quellinus the Elder, were instrumental in the spread of the Flemish Baroque idiom in Europe in the second half of the 17th century.

The dick fairy has spares for those who want them.

An 18th century CE ivory dildo complete with contrivance for simulating ejaculation and its own discreet cloth bag. The didlo was hidden in the seat of a Louis XV armchair found in a convent near Paris. Now housed at the Science Museum in London

More: https://thetravelbible.com/mysterious-archaeological-finds/

Okay, 'hidden in a convent' was what pushed this into 'must reblog' territory.

idk why but I drew movie!Frigga naked.

Mmm mature lady

How do I woman idek *flops around*

Odin commissioned these.

Thinkin about that one whaler who complained about his shipmates in his journal being like ‘no one on this ship reads educational books, no one reads the bible, everyone only wants pencils so they can draw ships and obscene pictures’ and I’m just like…..where are they….where are the dirty drawings this fellow was complaining about…I wanna see some 19th century whaler’s amateur pornographic scribbles so bad WHERE ARE THEY?

Idk why this particular one has gotten so many notes, but here’s the fellow’s actual words. His name was Jon Langdon, and he signed aboard the bark St. Peter in 1849 at age 21.

Another fellow from another voyage aboard the whaler Saratoga, William Chappell, also complains about his shipmates’ taste in literature. 1853.

What trashy novels are you reading lads I wanna know.

did you say you wanted to see the victorian whalers' porn? ok

Tumblr delivering the goods.

Uh, tumblr… just what exactly do you think I’m interested in here?

Getting nailed, obviously.

https://creanavt.tumblr.com/archive

Gotta love the Romans.

Friend of a friend on facebook posted a picture with a caption “Someone in my smithing group got a free crate of high quality steel today in the form of “used casting molds”… I am at a loss for words.”

It’s dicks. A big box of metal dicks. Dildo molds. Just, hundreds of them.

And I can’t share it because I have family on facebook. And I’m not sure if I should repost it here because … they’re not my metal dicks. 

But you should all know that there exists a big box of metal dicks that are probably going to be melted down into, I would hope, one giant metal dick. 

(No, probably not. But I can dream, can’t I?)

I may regret this, but …

that’s a lot of dicks.

Fine dwarven crafts, direct from Orzimmar!

The last addition absolutely fucking sent me

If someone doesn’t solder them together into a throne, I feel they’ve missed a trick

Pick your dick, long or thick; get some lube and make it slick. Make a throne, make it quick, and sit right down on your new joystick.

I've discovered the worst game in human history. I call it Dog Toy Or Sex Toy, who wants in

How would this even be challenging? Are there dick-shaped chew toys?

Round One

Dog toy

Wrong! That is the Cloud 9 Novelties Silicone Mushroom Massager in Teal.

Round Two:

Please tell me this is a dog toy

Correct! That is the Petco™ Leaps & Bounds Chomp and Chew Latex Penguin Dog Toy!

Round Three:

Oh that's gotta be a buttplug

Close enough! That is the Cute Little Fuckers Princette Puppypus Vibrating Silicone Toy.

ROUND FOUR

dog toy

Wrong! Doc Johnson Optimale Duo Prostate Massager!

FINAL ROUND

Well that depends entirely on scale. Big, it's a dog toy. Small, it's a sex toy.

I agree; I need some size scale here. (And round four was an obvious sex toy to me.)

would like to see an indiana jones movie where he spends the entirety of the movie trying to find a precious religious artifact from ancient rome and it ends up being one of these

We ordered lube and rubbers online and because we spent more than $20 they sent us a free (too-big-to-use) dildo. So…

to big to use….?

You know, I’m glad you asked, because it allows me to print a correction.

I originally said it was too big to use, but yesterday I learned an important lesson about determination and believing in yourself.

Legendary post.

Friend of a friend on facebook posted a picture with a caption “Someone in my smithing group got a free crate of high quality steel today in the form of “used casting molds”… I am at a loss for words.”

It’s dicks. A big box of metal dicks. Dildo molds. Just, hundreds of them.

And I can’t share it because I have family on facebook. And I’m not sure if I should repost it here because … they’re not my metal dicks. 

But you should all know that there exists a big box of metal dicks that are probably going to be melted down into, I would hope, one giant metal dick. 

(No, probably not. But I can dream, can’t I?)

I may regret this, but …

that’s a lot of dicks.

Fine dwarven crafts, direct from Orzimmar!

Spare robot parts

Edward VII’s Sex Chair,

The British King Edward VII had very strong sexual appetites. His whole life was filled with affairs, scandals, mistresses, and lurid brothel visits. His nickname among the Royal Family was Bertie, but many fittingly called him “dirty Bertie” as well as “Edward the Caresser”. As the King grew older, he found more and more difficult to make whoopee due to his increasing weight and arthritis.  However his sexual appetites did not decrease with age. 

Thus, to accommodate the King, a special chair was made which could position a woman in almost any sexual position, with special supports for the King to use to relief tension on his joints and lesson the effects of his weight. 

What’s more, the chair was designed to hold two women, one on the upper table, another below, so that the King could have a threesome despite his lack of athleticism. Edward VII kept the chair, called the fauteuil d'amour (armchair of love) at his favorite brothel,  Le Chabanais in Paris. 

Today Edward VII’s sex chair still survives, and is currently held by a private collector who claims that it is still used for it’s purpose. A replica of the chair is on display at the Museum of Sex in Prague.

Edward VII also had a champagne bathtub designed to accommodate multiple women. 

I’ve heard of this ‘chair’ but have never seen a picture until now. Good old Edward the Caresser. 

WHAT

where is the photo of the frog statue that has a pussy i need it

this one?

RVRVDJSKKFBSK NO THATS NOT THE ONE I WAS THINKING BUT THOSE ARE CERTAINLY SOMETHING

Peak Grandma Humor™. A Shifty Thrifting staple.