He brings you a gift.

When Daddy Builds A Fire

When Daddy builds the kitchen fire, he hustles through the rooms,

And slams the doors and bangs the screens and in the kitchen glooms,

And whangs the kindlings into bits and lumbers up the coal,

And pours a little coal oil on – the smoke begins to roll; 

And then he hies him to the porch and with a martyr’s air

He sinks with sighs and groans into the amplest easy chair,

And elevates his weary feet above his weary head

And figures, figures, figures, and wishes he were dead.

Then Mother comes and gets the broom and brushes up the muss,

And sets the table quietly without a bit of fuss, 

And makes the toast and boils the eggs and dips the coffee clear,

And calls us in to breakfast with her voice all full of cheer,

And makes the beds and scrubs the floor and picks up all our things,

And washes all the dishes, and answers all the rings,

And goes and gets the garden truck and makes Jeff Davis pie,

And puts the dinner on to cook, the doughnuts on to fry, 

And stuffs the raisin pickles, and boils some corn to can, 

And sweeps the walks and skims the milk and mends a leaky pan, 

And hunts the checks Dad couldn’t find and gets my hat for me,

And spreads the cloth and serves the meal and bathes my swollen knee,

And washes all the dishes up and shells some butter beans, 

And kills and plucks some chickens, and all the silver cleans, 

And gets the supper underway and cans a little fruit, 

And makes me take a bath, alas! and lays me out a suit, 

And telephones the cleaners to come for Daddy’s coat, 

And tells the suffragette ladies “No, she doesn’t want to vote.”

Meanwhile, recumbent on the couch, slumbers my peaceful sire, 

For Daddy thinks the world’s work done when he has built the fire. 

-- Author unknown

🦀 time for crab 🦀

Due to unforeseen circumstances, this post will be brought to you solely by crabs.

today i summoned 500 crabs! i caught 500 💰 of them. i became friends with 296 🌼 of them. 42 fell in love with me 💙

I'm dying laughing at this poster I made for Greek mythology class in tenth grade; I assume the assignment was something like 'what kind of business would the gods have in the modern world'.

HERA CONFIDENTIAL INVESTIGATIONS

(We obviously had to copy a line of text for each letter, like "A for angel so bright" and then draw a picture beneath -- but the pages are actually sewn into a fabric-covered cardboard cover, which is kind of nice? Like I thought I was going to see a staple binding but no. Actually stitched together. I wonder if the teacher made those for their entire class? Respect if so. My only question is why they used a fabric with a flower print on it for xmas books? Maybe these were made for some non-specific project?)

(Note: This poll is not concerned with any form of socks, underwear, nylons, etc. If your answer is "it depends on the weather", put the choice for the sort of weather you like best and feel free to elaborate in the tags.)

LET IT BE KNOWN

That @haeva is having a Birthday!

(You can send her your birthday wishes here.)

The king of Asgard himself has declared that January 2 shall be a day of feasting and celebration throughout all the Nine Realms!

(Frigga was very persuasive, and knows how to bring up subjects at the right moment to get Odin to agree to them. And yes, nine realms, do you think I'm going to give you a timeline with only eight for your birthday?)

There will be singing! Dancing!

Pretty girls!

Cake! Ice cream!

Lights! Candles! Decorations!

Polar bears! (Because I promised her a birthday bear this year; only special people get birthday bears assigned to them.) Yukon will be hanging up that sparkly garland as soon as he's done posing in it; we're going for "Asgardian elegance" as our theme here.

And to ensure that you have a wonderful year full of magic, he has a special gift just for you, courtesy of Queen Frigga. When you're ready, uncork the vial below and whisper your birthday wish into the universe. Pure magic, guaranteed 100% more effective than a standard Midgardian birthday candle and thrice as powerful as the magic Alfheim ones, which disappear when the wish is made. (Which are honestly more of a showy party trick that are popular with children and are best suited for small wishes; see gif of cake above.)

This, however, is the real deal, crafted of moonlight and mithril and magic by a fully trained witch and bearing the blessing of a goddess. Use it wisely and wish well. And may you have the happiest of birthdays!

Unicorn at the thrift store waiting for a home.

New friend. He is very soft. I am thinking of calling him Soren but am open to other name suggestions.

“THOR”/LOKI FIX-IT FICS

In honour of @backtoasgard month, here is your one stop shop for fics in which Frigga lives, Loki lives, they’re dead but reunited in Valhalla (because we take what we can get around here),Thor is a good bro, and Odin is doing some Improved Parenting. Also, more time travel fix-it fics than you can shake a stick at. Feel free to send me suggestions for fics by authors not listed here; I will continually update this as I find more fics that soothe the wounds left by canon.  (Fics listed by author in alphabetical order.)

*****

Growing Pains by Aloryshannon -- Loki is told of his heritage as a boy, but Odin gives him the choice of when and if he will ever tell Thor.

Before My Time To Go by @ark -- Time travelling to undo the damage that Thanos has caused in the present, Loki goes back too far and encounters a young Thor who hasn’t yet confessed his feelings to Loki. Infinity War fix-it, Thorki. 

His Mother’s Son by @ayankun -- Loki arrives in Valhalla. 

Yggdrasil Dreaming by Barkour -- Loki fell, and sleeps at the root of Yggdrasil, dreaming of his childhood and of Sif, while Sif dreams of the lost prince, dreams that do not feel like dreams.

Small Changes and Second Chances by @bereft-of-frogs -- Malekith kidnaps Frigga instead of killing her, and there’s someone around to heal Loki of his wound on Svartalfheim. The Dark World fix-it. Also:

Only Mostly Dead by blameitonvortices -- Odin felt Loki die on Svartalfheim, but the body that guards bring back still has the smallest spark of life left in it. (WIP)

Waste No More Time by burning_nova --  Set pre-Thor, Odin realises he’s fallen out of the habit of spending time with Loki and that he’s allowed his sons to grow up hating the Jotnar, an attitude that pervades most of the realm. He sets out to do something about both things, including giving each son a chance to rule as co-regent with Frigga while he sets out in disguise to see the state of the realm for himself. (Incomplete at 39 chapters, but it ends at a good place and was an extremely satisfying read.)

Fic moodboard

Rules:  Choose one of your fics or original stories. Post some photos or gifs that illustrate it. 

I was tagged by @otterskin​! Very good timing this; I was just in the edit stage of a fic I’ve been working on which had a lot of good visuals I could find pics for. I only wish I could draw some of the scenes in my head. Also you’re going to love the perfection of you being the person to tag me in this, lol. 

The fic is “Young, But Growing”;  young Sifki fluff on tumblr and AO3. 

(Open invite to anyone who wants to do this!)

@huginandmugin-suggestions -- not quite socks, but I’d be happy to outfit you with some nice snuggly fleece legwarmers, as seen here modeled by a friendly local corvid. I thought a wrap style with a velcro closure would be the easiest for you to take on and off as needed. Or you can have the pick of my fabric trunk if you’d like something in a different colour. Just fly on over anytime, scraps always available. 

Merry Christmas!

@beastlycheese, have checked the security footage of the jelly bean traps which I set out. No dragons, but have attracted two bears, a donkey, and a robotic dog.