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#bsd kunikida – @with-my-calamitous-love on Tumblr
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it’s dangerous to go alone!

@with-my-calamitous-love

i write the heartache away 🤍
over 18
i’m a real tough kid!
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more gentlemen thoughts 🪩🎧

gentleman! dazai, who tucks your bangs behind your ear when he’s talking to you. who leans down so you can whisper in his ear. who gifts you annotated books and back hugs. who loves to kiss that spot under your ear after whispering something for just you to hear. who always walks with your hand in his.

gentleman! chuuya, who loves to carry you bridle-style. who spoils you rotten, because he loves the smile on your face when he gets you little gifts. who won’t leave for missions without giving you a spectacular date night- nice dinner, fancy wine, and making sure your body remembers him the next morning. who loves when you wear heels, even if it makes you taller than him <3

gentleman! ranpo, who sleeps in with you. who won’t open a bag of sweets before making sure you’ve had a piece first. who praises you as much as you praise him, calling you the best and reminding you how much he loves you. who is so cheeky it makes you blush. who absolutely knows the effect he has on you. who leaves kisses on your cheeks when you least expect it.

gentleman! atsushi, who religiously practices the sidewalk rule. who is RESPECTFUL TO YOUR PARENTS 😩, who is really good with younger siblings/cousins. who also loves to carry you around, whether its princess-style or on his back. who loves taking you on dates after a long week, kissing your head and making sure you’re happy.

gentleman! akutagawa, who reminds you of appointments you forget about. who very rigidly hands you a coat, scarf and mittens because its flu season. who helps you cook and clean, a surprisingly good homemaker. who is the driest texter on earth, but who will show up to your workplace to check on you when you don’t respond (he’s definitely not worried and he definitely does not care.) (he does.)

gentleman! kunikida, who opens every door for you. who will walk behind you when you’re going up the stairs, looking down when you’re wearing a skirt to give you privacy. who keeps pads, hair ties, touch up makeup, lip balm, or any of your needs ready in his notebook in case you need it. who wants to keep your relationship to himself, private, but who also will happily talk about you any chance he gets.

gentleman! odasaku, who is a great listener. who holds your hand and actively asks about your day, wanting to hear everything. you leaves you little love notes in your bag, on the fridge or on your desk. who will not leave the house without telling you he loves you. who tells you he loves you when he wakes up, before he sleeps and whenever he gets the chance to. who dedicated all his books and short stories to you. 🫧

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IN YOUR SUIT AND TIE, IN THE NICK OF TIME

doppo kunikida x reader

how he’d treat you in a relationship

same premise as the dazai, chuuya, atsushi, and akutagawa ver.

for his birthday <3 do not speak to me about 117

inspired by loml

doppo kunikida, who is a man of ideals. who knows what he wants, whats good for him, and lives by the ink in his notebook. who has an exact idea of who his ideal partner is, of who will match him, and who he wants to spend his life with.

doppo kunikida, who is in for a whirlwind when he meets you. who isn’t used to meeting people who so, wholeheartedly challenge his rock hard ideals. who doesn’t understand why he isn’t angry or annoyed by you. who actively wants to learn more about you once you two meet.

doppo kunikida, who dedicates a page to you in his notebook. just small things, like what colours you like, your favourite things, your habits and small mannerisms. who remembers every little thing about you, like your nail biting when you’re anxious or your awkward laughter when speaking to people. who doesn’t even need to write these down, since memorizing you is like breathing for him.

doppo kunikida, who is an utter gentleman. who loves to buy you flowers, who practices the sidewalk rule, who zips up your dresses and jackets, who always give you his coat, who brushes your hair for you, who will open every single door for you, who gives you deep hugs from behind with a gentle kiss to your head when you least expect it.

doppo kunikida, who doesn’t realize how gorgeous he is. who is 6 feet of blonde beauty, muscular build hidden behind a well dressed vest and red bow. who is usually so calculated and pristine, but attempts (and fails) at hiding his blush when you compliment him. who actively wants to look good for you. who wants to match how beautiful he thinks you are.

doppo kunikida, who is in love and doesn’t immediately know it. who looks at you with starry eyes, who embroiders the memories of you onto his heart. who makes your heart glow in a way you’ll never feel with anyone else. who is a standup guy, making you know how much he cares.

doppo kunikida, who rewrites his ideal partner page for you. he doesn’t even think he needs it anymore. who’ll see you as perfect, as someone he loves until the day he dies.

doppo kunikida, who shows up in his suit in tie, in the nick of time, right when you need him too. who somehow has a knack for always knowing what and what not to say, what to do and how to be what you need. who honestly thinks that there is no one good enough for you, but vows to be the closest thing to the lover you deserve.

doppo kunikida, who knows it one glimpse. who can see marriage and forever just from one kiss. who is such a romantic at heart, looking into your eyes while talking rings and talking cradles. who tells you that he’ll never leave. who tells you everyday that you’re the love of his life, a million times over.

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WHO’S GONNA KNOW YOU LIKE ME?

bsd, various x reader

what heartbreak feels like with each of them

angst, uses bridges from the tortured poets department

THOUGHT OF CALLIN’ YA, BUT YOU WONT PICK UP…

chuuya knows he’s fucked up. he knows he can’t get back what he let go, that he’s already made his bed. but fuck, it hurts. but he refuses to let you know that because thats who he is. and your left seeing him everywhere- the dresses in the store windows, the puddles of rain on concrete, remnants of him in your shower and on your bed- memories of him embedded in your head and under your skin. marks from his passion left on your collarbone, his fingerprints still all over your heart. he claimed what was his forever and then left. and he knows that.

some nights you think of calling him, but sculpted a brick wall between you and the phone, cementing each brick together with your hurt. little do you know, chuuya thinks of calling you too, but he knows you won’t pick up.

THAT’S THE CLOSEST I’VE COME TO MY HEART EXPLODING…

atsushi simply couldn’t bare the thought of not being good enough for you. so he let things go before his heart could sink with the wreckage. he couldn’t handle anymore hurt after all thats happened- but he doesn’t know that he left that hurt with you instead. the anger, the confusion, the turmoil etches itself in your chest and tears through your ribs when you cry out alone. it wasn’t fair for him to leave the job of detective to you, to pick up the clues of your lost love and attempt to etch together a messy explanation. he said he didn’t want to hurt you. funny.

the biggest thing you’re left wondering is why? why did sweetest, most loving guy leave without a word? why did he do it so fast, so quickly, at the stroke of grace? why did the same hands that once handled your heart so delicately set it on fire and leave it to implode?

I WISH I COULD UN-RECALL HOW WE ALMOST HAD IT ALL…

there was no doubt in your mind that odasaku loved you. he loved you with every fibre of his being. he held you to his chest as close as possible. he laughed with you because only you could pull out the genuine joy and smiles from his soul. he danced with you in the living room to your favourite songs, swaying back in fourth with you barefoot on the ground. he kissed you like his lips were especially crafted to be pressed against you, your lips, your skin and your hands.

it’s all past-tense.

DID YOU SLEEP WITH A GUN UNDERNEATH OUR BED…

tachihara burned down every foundation of trust and security in your being. he was the most loyal and loving person you had ever met, one that promised his whole life and soul to be with you. you knew each other like no other, or so you thought. you learned about his betrayal, not just to you but to everyone. and all of a sudden, everything you knew came crashing down. the memories, the love, the loyalty- you had no idea what it was now. you scrubbed your body in the shower and washed the sheets over and over again- trying to get him off of you. you laid in the bed he once shared with you and wondered if you were just another step in his scheme.

was this planned? did he plan to break your heart? was crushing every single thing you’ve ever loved just another ruse? the only thing you knew was that you loved him.

HOW DARE YOU THINK ITS ROMANTIC LEAVING ME SAFE AND STRANDED…

kunikida wanted everything to stick to his ideals. he wanted to break your heart as softly and as kindly as he possibly could. he wanted to cushion your fall, to let you down assured. and he did just that. he left you safe, he left with you with a full explanation. he told you that he wanted you to move on without him, to live a bright beautiful life and be as happy as you possibly could. because kunikida knows that thats what you deserve.

but he was supposed to be there. thats all you can think as your stranded on your safe sanctuary that he left you on. he stranded you on an island with all you needed to survive- yet all you could think was the fact that he had actually left. it wasn’t supposed to end this way. you knew why. he explained everything to you. but the tears that rolled down your cheeks explained otherwise.

AND HIRE A PRIEST TO COME AND EXORCISE MY DEMONS…

the worst heartbreak of your entire life belonged to osamu dazai. you can still hear the screams, the cries that went down with the ship from that night. you can still feel his hands on your body, holding you to him while for the first time you saw him cry. you can still hear the shattering of the things you threw at him, telling him to get out but also not wanting him to leave. you remember the smell of him all over you, on your bed, your clothes, but also in your hair and even on your own skin. he haunted this place. his heart was still beating, lungs still breathing but osamu dazai died in your house. he died and his soul now haunts the place day and night, leaving no trace of your space untouched. it was a cruel goodbye.

osamu dazai died screaming. and now you wanted to as well.

I WONT CONFESS THAT I WAITED, BUT I LET THE LAMP BURN…

you held on to the idea that akutagawa would one day be ready for you. that he would set aside his grievances, his turmoil, the hurt in his lungs and the pain in his coat. you waited, and waited, and waited. waited for him to show up at your doorstep and embrace you, love you like you knew he could. you watched as the lamp flickered, as your skin wrinkled, as your hair turned grey and as the night sky watched over you for years. you should gave closed the window, turned out the light and slept. but you waited. you waited and hope that akutagawa would return. that he would one day love you like you loved him.

as you looked out to the stars, you prayed that he’d forgive you as you blew out the candle.

chuuya n. - fortnight

atsushi n. - the tortured poets department (tt)

sakunosuke o. - loml

michizou t. - the smallest man who ever lived

doppo k. - down bad

osamu d. - the black dog

ryunosuke a. - peter

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