it’s dangerous to go alone!

AND I WONT CONFESS THAT I WAITED…

ryunnosuke akutagawa x reader

you watch as your lamp burns by the window, waiting for your lover to return.

celebrating his return to the manga <3

inspired by peter

normally, ryunnosuke wouldn’t have anyone to return to.

sure, his sister would be there, but that was a given. or maybe stacks of paperwork or copious pent up coughs would greet him. but for the most part, he was used to returning home alone.

and he liked it that way. or so he told himself.

when you come home alone, theres never the pain of realizing your house is empty. he was the only entity within his walls, the only soul that wandered the place. he was the only person who could break his own heart, the only one who could enter his home and take parts away from him. when you shut everything out, the only person who can you is you.

but he’s learned to build his heart up from steal. if his lungs continuously failed him, he’d shield his heart and freeze it with ice no one could penetrate. was he safe or was he broken?

he finds himself face to face with that question when he meets you.

so after 2 long years of melting that ice with sunlight, you found yourself waiting by the window.

he said at most, a few days. he was on some port mafia mission, involving the were-tiger with chopped up hair. that he’d be facing off some old man with a particularly powerful sword and a particularly powerful team. a strange generalization, you thought.

days developed into weeks. then, inevitably, months.

was it something you did?

the cool night air greets you as you thrust your windows open, then same ones that akutagawa loved to look out onto the world through. he’d stumble into your apartment, a cup of tea already brewing for him. he never spoke much, not even to you, but he showed his affection through actions more.

he’d greet you in the bedroom, offering a peck to your forehead. he’d scold you about keeping your windows open, especially in autumn. he complains its only worsening his lungs, but he can’t help but love the way the moon reflects off of your irises.

and he tells you about his life, underneath those stars. about his past, his sister, and all the darkness he kept within like a locket. he tells you that falling in love was not for someone like him.

“..love.” he mutters under his breath, almost scoffing when you bring up the subject. he’s standing behind you, arms encasing you between him and the window. though he’d never tell you, he’s trying to keep you warm. the night are was often not very forgiving to kind folk like you.

your brows furrow, but you understand where he comes from. “yes, ryu. love.” you reaffirm. “i’m in love with you.”

he blinks for a moment. first, he thinks what terrible taste in men you have. and how lucky he is to be that man.

he sighs, his throat running dry. though he does prompt to press his lips to your forehead once more, staring at you with a light in his eyes you’ve never quite seen before. no one in the mafia would know that the demon ryunnosuke akutagawa was also a gentleman, one who gently ushers you to bed and puts you to sleep with a kiss to your knuckles.

he waits for you to fall asleep before he leaves a letter, and bids you farewell.

[y/n],

you’re kindness will be the death of both of us. i don’t know why you’ve decided to show me kindness, or any semblance of love for that matter, but you have.

a spot in my heart is reserved for you. and my heart, that i knew to be cold and unwelcoming, beats for you. thank you for showing me what it means to love.

…i’ll come home soon.

and when i do, i’ll tell you all about it. about that damn were-tiger i swore i’d beat down, or that former mentor whose approval only comes second to yours. you’ve changed so much for me. you’ve given me something i want to live for.

thank you.

i’d write that i love you, but i’d rather you hear it from me.

yours,

ryunnosuke

the goddess of timing, unfortunately, has a cruel heart. and so the moment akutagawa admitted his feelings for you, he was pulled away from the one thing that made the air around him breathable.

you read his letter everyday. at first, you cried to it, and clutched it to your chest. then, after the first few weeks, you wondered if he had been lying. your ribs get the feeling he did.

how poetic is it, that both of you thought it was just goodbye for now.

while he’s away, he swears he’ll grow up. that he’ll change and be better. that, for what little time his lungs give him, he’ll love you more. he’ll let you teach him what love is, and love you back tenfold. and once he’s done that, he swears he’ll come find you. promises oceans deep, but never quite to keep.

and though he’d never admit it, he thinks about you every damn day. he wonders if you’re still a mind reader, able to steal the scene of every room you’re in. he’s heard great things from whispers and rumours, and he’s glad that life was easier on you than it was on him. you deserved it, after all.

and as weeks develop into months, selfishly, he hopes you wait.

and you do.

you let that lamp burn every night while your life dances around you. you hope, deep in your heart that he’ll return. that he’ll drink your shitty tea and scoff at your shitty jokes. that he’ll put you to bed and linger around in the morning, planting a kiss to your forehead like always. you hope that he’ll return with his feet on the ground and with stories to tell, because you never lost a single ounce of love for him.

you tried to hold onto it. and its true. you never lost any love, even after you draw the curtains, and turn down the lights.

you hope he forgives you.

NOW I’M IN EXILE SEEING YOU OUT

ryunnosuke akutagawa x reader

how he’d act in a relationship

same premise as the dazai, atsushi, and chuuya ver.

celebrating his return to the manga <3

inspired by exile

ryunnosuke akutagawa, who first meets you when you’re already with someone else. who thinks its just his sickly, scratchy lungs when he feels something in his chest. who thinks he needs to quarantine himself away from you once you constantly make his heart clench just by speaking. who doesn’t understand how someone like you, someone who is the human embodiment of the sun, can be in such a dark place. he’s never cared for what humans deserve, but for once, he knows this isn’t what you deserve. he isn’t sure of how to give you all the wonderful things you’ve earned, but he knows this isn’t it.

ryunnosuke akutagawa, who finds himself watching you and your partner together. who stares at you while his arms are around your body, staring at him as if he’s a simple understudy. who wonders what it is you’re laughing about- that joke wasn’t funny at all. though he can’t complain, he’d die for that smile. who wonders what he’s going to do with all the love he’s holding out. he thinks of himself like the human form of diablo, how can he ever deserve to love? how can he ever deserve to love you?

ryunnosuke akutagawa, who doesn’t know what to say when your relationship ends. who is so emotionally awkward it almost makes you laugh. who tries, placing his hand on your shoulder, patting you down like he’s searching you. he’ll tell you that only weak people cry- and freaks out when it makes you cry even more. who tilts his head adorably, used to people crying out of fear and not like this. who is actually dumbfounded, but finds that you calm down when he gently cups your face and wipes your tears away. who hates seeing you cry. who also hates touching others, but when its you, it seems to be okay.

ryunnosuke akutagawa, who subsequently hunts down your ex and slashes him to pieces. who knows he’s a terrible comforter but can at least avenge your tears. “who said you were allowed to make them cry? hm? pathetic.”

ryunnosuke akutagawa, who you have to be patient with. he wants to try for you. he wants to understand what love is. you’re the only thing (other than gin) he has ever cared about. who shows love in small, little ways. who is actually the most chivalrous gentleman you have ever known. who zips up your clothes without you even having to ask, who always does the sidewalk rule, who subconsciously shields you with his body, who places his hand on the small of your back ushering you to safety, who scoffs when he sees you gush about flowers but then buys you some and actively tends to them, telling you how to make them live longer.

ryunnosuke akutagawa, who thinks he’s seen this film before. he can’t even bare the thought of allowing his tortured heart to care about someone, only to lose them. who dreads how this will end. who is secretly scared that he won’t have anything left to defend if he were to lose you. who swears to himself to be your protector. who would get his knuckles bloody for you, fighting till his lungs give out so you can keep smiling. who may not be the most demonstrative, loving, expressive man, but who knows that you will never be harmed for as long as he’s breathing. who treats you like his crown and his homeland. who would gladly go into exile for you.

STARS BY THE POCKETFUL

atsushi x reader, reader has freckles I PROMISE ITS IMPORTANT GUYSS

thoughts about atsushi being your boyfriend

lovey dovey stuff, same premise as the chuuya ver.

inspired by snow on the beach

atsushi nakajima, who is a blushing wreck. even after you've begun dating, everything you do makes him nervous. the way you walk, the way you call his name, the way you love the most unloved parts of him. his heterochromatic eyes flutter whenever you walk into the room, captivated by you like a firework show. the butterflies in his stomach fly around his entire body. that familiar fluttering feeling painting a pink hue across his face. little does he know, he makes you nervous too. he is so unintentionally dreamy, a gorgeous boy without even trying. he is so used to his rather odd features- yellow and purple eyes, choppy white bangs, slender and scarred build- he doesn't realize how beautiful he is to you. there will never be another atsushi- so you want to savor as much of him as you possibly he can. and he loves you for it.

atsushi nakajima, who loses his words around you. his tongue goes stale, wanting nothing more than to swim in the sea of your endless love. he climbs mountains in his mind to find the right words. his brain is often riddled with traumas, ponderance of whether or not he is truly good enough. but his treacherous journey to the ends of his soul become more bearable when you grasp his hand. sometimes, words fail. and when they do, he uses his touches instead. he is so, so touch starved and doesn't realize it. his body feels like fire, like being touched by liquid sun, and he concludes that that's simply what you make him feel. he loves holding your hand, a level of protection he wants to hold you with. he needs it more than you do.

speaking of protection... atsushi nakajima, who's instincts are heightened around you. he dotes on you quite a bit, whether its about you skipping a meal or getting injured on a mission. the anxiety plagues his mind, not knowing what he'll do if anything ever happened to you. he wants to be your protector, to hold you close to himself at night and walking with your hand closely in his. he knows your strong, and that you can handle yourself, but his behavior is more for him than for you. he needs to be with you, you're the only thing that truly eases the whole inside his chest.

atsushi nakajima, who loves the sun. he loves feeling warm, feeling bright rays kiss his skin as he can escape from the darkness embedded within him. whenever he stares up at the rays- not directly, of course- he thanks the celestial being in the sky. he thanks it for shining down on you, illuminating your beauty in the dayglow. he thanks it for tanning your skin, giving him more places to kiss you up and down. he thanks it for the freckles under your eyes, the dots that he stares at as if they were constellations. he thanks it for thawing his hurt heart, reminding him that he is alive. he thanks it for you, for bringing you down from the sky and into his arms.

on the other hand... atsushi nakajima, who has a more or less complicated relationship with the moon. he sometimes blames it for bringing out the monster within him, hurting people he could have never even dreamed of harming. it evokes in him a deep sense of hatred, knowing what the night used to bring out in him. but after you, he begins to make piece with the satellite. he thinks of you like the moon. he absolutely fell in love with the moon, its beauty, its glow, its dreams- much like you, he fell in love with something that he felt was out of his reach. the only difference between you and the moon, was that the moon could only watch as atsushi embraced you fully. it felt like just you, atsushi, and the moon.

atsushi nakajima, who learns so much about constellations for you. everything in the stars. every war, every dream, every catastrophe and every beautiful thing. the stars know who is destined for you. everytime he looks up at those lights in the sky, stretching for infinity, he thinks he's got it right. the stars tell him that he's got it right. the freckles on your skin are stars, stars belonging to the universe atsushi wanted to live in. at least you did one thing right, you think to yourself as he blushes profusely when you kiss him. when he holds you under the nights gaze, you pray to all the stars that atsushi is right, that this is their plan. it really feels like it is. this is what the stars want. he's what you want. your what he wants. this is right.

atsushi nakajima, who is still young and learning. he's still young, and still doesn't fully know what his plans are. but he knows that he loves you. he knows that the sun, the moon, and the stars all took their time to craft you. when he holds you, he feels like he has his own personal sun to warm him. when you kiss him, he's sure that the moon has forgiven him for all that he's done wrong. and when he kisses you back, he's almost certain that you two came from the same star, that the stardust in your bodies were crafted to hold each other. your two souls colliding with one another, you're the only thing atsushi has done right. and he wants to keep becoming better until he can finally say that he deserves you.