Yuri Katsuki is my spirit animal

I identify so much with Yuri Katsuki as a character. 

Yuri from the beginning was always talented ( he was a top ranked skater that managed to inspire some people *cough* Minami *cough* even though he was always scoring low) but his biggest struggle and setback was his own anxiety and low self esteem. He was surrounded by overly talented people and had to work twice as hard to even come close to those around him only to be tripped up by his own fears. He always saw himself as someone less. And even though he had people supporting them, even they didn’t see his true potential. They didn’t see him as someone necessarily talented or unique but as someone who just put more time in than others could afford.

 I draw and I grew up in a house with 5 siblings and a dad who do the same. They all have ADHD and are gifted with incredible minds that go places others can’t even imagine, this can sometimes make for misunderstandings with those “normal” people who can’t begin to keep up with them. 

They are all incredibly talented and gifted. They are all misunderstood, artistic geniuses with a vision unlike any other…. I’m not. 

I am the only one without this vision (Well me and my mom) and though I can’t begin to understand their struggles I have had to struggle and put in extra time and extra effort to even begin to try to catch up to them. This was made harder by people coming to expect less from me. No one expected to see anything new from me that they hadn’t already seen in some form from my siblings. They called me talented but I was just one of the group following behind my siblings who had already done all of the things that I struggled to master.

 I remember one time sitting between my two eldest sisters as we all drew and looking back and forth between my art and theirs. I remember feeling inadequate and I remember breaking down and sobbing as I compared myself to them. 

It was hard because though people “believed” in me it wasn’t the same. I never stood out in any way. Everything I did was something that they had done before or could accomplish with a better vision. (or at least thats how I saw it) 

The first time I ever felt recognized on my own was when we were visiting family in Oregon that we rarely see and we hung out with my Uncle (he’s also an artist) I was sitting on my own quietly drawing like normal (I rarely talked back then) and he approached me. 

Now my parents have always been more than supportive of all of us but for the first time I felt recognized for me. 

We talked about my art, he praised me and gave me advice and he even showed off my art to one of his friends. (even though it really was nothing special) And then before we left he gave me one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. He gave me an art print book of Alphonse Mucha that he had gotten on a trip to Paris. 

This meant the world to me. Out of all of my siblings he recognized me. I felt special and like maybe I did have something to offer. That feeling helped me push through for years.

But eventually anxiety and self doubt wore me down and I got to the point where I was unsure whether or not to try something else. Not stop drawing. No. Just like Yuri could never stop skating indefinitely I don’t think I could ever stop drawing. But I got to the point where I thought that maybe I should just move on from drawing as a career choice. 

I was able to find inspiration though and through the support of an amazing art teacher I went out on my own and applied for a summer art program called CSSSA. Somehow I made it in and again I was being seen and seeing myself in a different light.

I didn’t necessarily stand out or make any crazy impressions on anyone but it changed my idea of what I could do on my own. Just as Yuri’s experience was changed. Though Yuri had skated many times before, the way he saw himself had changed and so the way he skated and the way people saw his skating changed. 

And it all changed because of this..

 Because Viktor saw something unique within Yuri. Something that no one, not even those that had supported him, could see. 

And because Viktor saw it, Yuri was able to see a little bit of it too. 

Because of these “Viktor”s in my own life I was able to hold on to what I love. 

But perhaps the thing that I identify most with Yuri is that he still has doubts. He STILL has anxiety and fear and is unsure.

Meeting Viktor didn’t cure him of these things by any means. But he’s able to push himself and try harder and maybe even believe in himself a little when these doubts do arise. 

It’s so amazing to have a character that I can relate to in this way. For so long I have felt these things myself with no real way to describe them to myself or others. I see so much of myself in Yuri and now as he has grown I’m seeing so much of what I want to be in him.

I have so many doubts moving forward and I still find myself comparing myself to those around me but this show encourages me to push forward and try to show the world that maybe I do have something to offer. 

Now I just have to find myself a Viktor and then maybe marry him.