A Thousand Little Moments

I got an ask a while ago wondering about my favorite Destiel moments, and after being nice and not overwhelming the poor person, I decided to share my full, detailed, and frighteningly long list with all of you anyway.  Because reasons.  And screencaps.  And a pair of goddamn idiots who have decided to take over my life, and most of your lives as well.

Buckle up, because this is one hell of a rollercoaster.  Please excuse me while I get emotional about a man and an angel falling in love.

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Narrative Negative Space: How What's Not There Says as Much as What Is

Today I’m going to talk negative space, and how the concept for negative space relates to Supernatural. Specifically, I’m going to look at how the narrative is setting up for canon romantic relationship between Dean and Castiel through strategic employment of negative space. I’m going to describe what I mean by negative space, first through a discussion of its use in visual art. Though I am a linguist, I have studied visual art and art history for most of my life, in high school, college and on my own, and it is one of my major passions. Then, I’m going to discuss it from a discourse and linguistic and narrative point of view, and how this visual art concept translates to a narrative.

But first, I’m going to start with this:

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#you know most fics with Jo in them always portray her as this popular girl who's dean's best friend most times#but she's probably felt alone a lot of times too (if going by canon)#she was the ''freak'' with a knife collection#which implies so many things underneath#nobody really associates themselves with the word ''freak'' UNLESS they've been called that outright before#or heard someone call them that#or was the receiving end of whispering and wary glances sent their way#to the point where hearing anyone laugh as soon as they're past them makes them think#''oh they're laughing at me''(via hamburgergod)

So I talked about it very briefly this morning already. But I want to talk about this wonderful and heartbreaking scene some more, because there is one small detail that makes this scene - especially in terms of silent storytelling - so much more awesome (at least in my opinion, you are free to disagree of course).

Over the course of the episode, we saw Dean assess himself mutliple times in the mirror (I talked about those implications back when we got the promo already and funnily my assumptions were pretty spot on), trying to get a grip on who he is and what he is feeling. And I think while the episode progressed it could harder and harder for Dean to distinguish or rather see and recognize himself. The way Sam finds him, leaning on the wall for support, seemingly lightyears away, sort of out of touch, not just with himself but the world altogether as if he is under a haze.

We did not only get multiple mirror shots though, we also got many many shots of Dean clutching the arm with the mark in an almost self-conscious manner, but also in a way that alludes to Dean possibly struggling more and more with his cravings.

I personally think they showed very well how Dean tries to substitute or rather re-create the feeling the blade gave him, when he held it in his hands. In 9x17 “Mother’s Little Helper” he turned to alcohol to cope, in 9x18 “Meta Fiction” he lost himself in violence and torture to the point he wasn’t even able to stand upright anymore. I wonder if it was harder and harder for Dean as well to keep his hands steady…

The way Dean looked at the mark on his arm to me carried a notion of “an itch you can’t scratch”, it seemed like a constant reminder of Dean wanting, needing whatever it is that pumps through his veins when he is holding the blade and is making him feel… nothing? …strong? … loved? …home?

In my opinion we absolutely saw how Dean’s addiction is progressively getting worse and the tension coming to a head when Cas asks Dean

And Dean trying to bullshit Cas into making him believe, what Dean tries to tell himself as well, that he is fine, when he is anything but.  So Dean turns away, unable to deal with Cas’ concern only Cas doesn’t let him egt away that easy, but grabs Dean’s arm demanding what Dean is hiding from him and goes to uncover the mark sitting on Dean’s arm, angry and red.

And this scene - and I have been talking about the visual of the mark reminding of trackmarks especially in my meta about Dean’s decay in relation to “Requiem for a Dream" - in my opinion really carries the notion of a loved one finding out about another loved person’s drug abuse, which is showing in track marks, which to me the MoC is (hell it even enters his blood stream like heroin does when you shoot up).

The way Dean is yanking his arm back, shows he is unable to listen to reason, to accept help and more so maybe also to admit he is having a problem.

And if all the episodes leading up this scene, wasn’t a warning sign  for where Dean is headed, then just take a look at the last gif, because there we have a literal neon sign telling us that something is SO not right with Dean and where his behaviour and his addiction might lead him. To OD, overdose.

I find it interesting to think about what ODing would mean for Dean in this case. Would it mean his soul being irreversebly damaged? Would it be the last step to becoming a demon? Or would it really mean death? I don’t think that latter is the case, but who knows…

And just like all season, Dean doesn’t - can’t listen - to what Sam and Cas are saying, can’t understand or care about their worry, because he’s got other things on his mind, his thoughts cosumed by one small thing - the blade - and so he walks away and does exactly what any addict would do. Rationalize. Telling himself he just wants to kill Abbadon, when that might not be the whole truth. Or in the language of the episode: not the whole story.

Dean’s reactions in 8x20 and 8x07

I’m so glad this exists. What a great parallel, and I didn’t even notice it! This is a fantastic showcasing on how different Dean acts with fun friends (Charlie) and the potential love interest, Castiel. Or heck, anyone that he looks at with interest, love or not. (Once I find it, I’ll edit in the fantastic parallel of Dean’s reaction to a girl in season 1 compared to how he reacted to Cas in season 8). And what’s interesting is that it wasn’t the only Cas parallel with Charlie in his place; they emphasize it ten-fold when she flips her badge upside down (twice, might I add).

But I’m getting ahead of myself. This scene in particular is really telling. Dean is getting her ready to go out on the job; she wants to wear something confident and flashy, but she’s stuck with a plain suit- one that won’t stick out while on the FBI job. So she comes out, cleaned up in her suit, and the camera does a pan-up, so we can see her total, Dean-approved outfit. And Dean, ready to get going, gives her a wink and a thumbs up, in what is a clearly platonic fashion (and absolutely adorkable, ugh I love their dynamic).

Now Cas is essentially doing the same thing; he’s put in the same position of “brb gotta go clean up and get my suit on”. Obviously there weren’t as many wardrobe changes, but the change was so stark, that you couldn’t NOT pay attention to it. And wouldn’t you know it, but Cas is in his suit, ready to go on the job with the guys once again. There’s even a slow pan-up to Cas’s face, but when we see Dean’s reaction, it’s ENTIRELY different from the platonic wink he shares with Charlie. Instead, he visibly tenses up and his eyes go up and down Cas; he’s practically struck DUMB just by the sight of him. It’s not the first time Dean’s seen him in this outfit. Heck, it’s hardly flattering, in that coat that is far too big, and too many layers to even start to show off Misha’s physique. But he still inwardly bunches up, almost as surprised as us to see Cas all fresh and clean.

I mean, I guess you could boil it all down to shock, but it’s not just that, is it? There’s nothing overly “shocking” about Cas’s appearance. To highlight this lack of “shock” value, we have Sam’s reaction to compare to Dean’s, where Sam looks up, but his eyes pointedly stay on Cas’s face; they don’t travel the body like Dean’s so obviously do. Sam also doesn’t “tense up”, and he certainly isn’t “struck dumb”. No, instead he gives Cas a nod, that says “alright, you look like you’re ready to roll. Dean?” and he smiles at his brother and Dean tries so hard to crack a smile and nod like “uh oh, yeah, lets uh, let’s get moving”.

These moments aren’t coincidental. They are conscious actions on behalf of the actors and the director, who sits there and goes through the scenes, piecing together the best ones. They CHOOSE to show us these distinct moments in the show to make us NOTICE the similarities and differences. They are there so when the season is over and we go back and watch the episodes, we might finally catch the things we missed and didn’t see the first time around. These aren’t happy accidents; they are meant to be there and be caught by those ready and willing to see them.

#’look at me bitch #’ the use of the term ‘bitch’ in an episode where the most important players on the board were women is sort of stupidly important #on the rocky road to individuation one ends up crossing paths with one’s anima or animus #-anima for men and the animus for women- #and dean has been crossing paths with aspects of his anima all season long #with robin - with suzie - even charlie #and in this episode dean crosses paths with three women #all of whom represent aspects of his personality and experiences and trauma #dean is the bad mother selfishly bent on keeping her daughter by her side at all costs #dean is alex-annie the child who has been shaped into a monster by the choices of her parents #and dean is even jody mills #defender of the innocent and protector of the weak #dean’s go-to insult is always ‘bitch’ #and that is in part because of the fact that he has never in his life #come to terms with his feminine aspects (x)

#dean’s love of the shower room is such a thing for me #not only in the very obvious imagery of cleansing etc. #but just #the nature of a bathroom is about cleanliness in all respects #but most of all #about maintaining a presentation to the rest of the world #where the mirror #as the focal point #is where you can analyse your prsentation and keep it in check #Dean looking in the mirror then is about searching for himself #but also about him tyring to put himself together for the outside world #that unkind place that would judge him for his choices and his being #when all he wants to do is help the ones he loves #and Dean#he loves everyone #the bathroom is vitally and paradoxically a place of truths and a place of lies #the only place #where both can exist at once #ugh yeah i’m emotions  (via dirtyovercoats)

Archangels Gone Wild: A Counterargument Against Stuff I Like

Here I go again, dipping my feet into the terrifying, turbulent waters of Fandom, because I think about shit way too much for my own good.

This, too, has been knocking around in my head for a long while. If you’re watching SPN and haven’t made it through s5 yet you might want to avoid this because HELLOOO SPOILERS. This might hork some people off buuuuuuut there are some Things That Need Saying about three of my favourite characters: a pair of tragically rebellious flappy bastards and a moose.

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The Weight of the World is Love - Masterpost

Under the cut is a massive collection of season eight and nine text, subtext, tropes, narrative mirrors and quotes from cast/tptb that I believe point toward a canonically acknowledged romantic relationship between Dean and Castiel by the end of the series. Cautious optimism is the name of the game, folks, and at this point I’m only struggling to stick to the cautious part.

This was put together partially as an elaborate and moderately absurd form of procrastination, partially because I felt like spreading some positivity, and partially because I wanted an excuse to title something with a line from my favorite Allen Ginsberg poem, which also happens to be incredibly Dean/Cas for something written in 1954.

The list is broken down into groups of five episodes, and relevant comments from TPTB that refer to the show as a whole and not to a particular episode are listed in the final group.

I’ve linked to my own and other peoples meta, youtube clips, screencaps, soundbites and gifs to illustrate many points, and have also included the links to each episode’s supernaturalwiki page, so you can look at transcripts and check the context of quotes if that kind of thing is up your alley.

If there is anything that I’ve missed (which is entirely possible given the size of this monster) please let me know and I’ll gladly add to the lists! Anything sent to me in an ask will be added to the end of the relevant episode under “extra points raised by readers” with a link back to the tumblr user who sent it in (unless you’d rather stay anon) so don’t be shy :)

Lastly, here’s three things to remember:

"…the monsters of the week are sometimes reflections of what our boys are going through on an emotional level.”

-Jeremy Carver, showrunner/writer [x]

“Our set dressing and shot composition is very deliberate…”

- Jerry Wanek, production designer/director [x]

"No such thing as ‘totally overanalyzed’”

- Robbie Thompson, writer [x]

TPTB have spoken: narrative mirrors, set design and subtext are all deliberate and important things. Without further ado, let’s get this ridiculous fucking show on the road.

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{x}

I love this scene. Usually, when Dean’s upset about the Impala being messed up (and not totalled), it’s played for laughs, and we see that here a little, with Dean trying—illogically—to rub off what’s clearly been etched into the paint job. But by that last gif, it’s really not funny anymore. Look at how Dean bows his head and leans into the car, how he breathes deeply and clenches his jaw, both hands pressed against the car door. This is so much worse than just the impala being defaced.

Because that car is an extension of Dean, and often, a reflection of his state of mind. Think of “In My TIme of Dying”, when both of them seem beyond repair. Think of the year Dean spent with Lisa, and how the Impala sat covered in the garage while Dean denied a large part of who he was. Or how in season six, the impala was isolated as much as Dean was. This is one of those instances where we see Dean’s state and the Impala’s line up. 

It’s not just anyone who’s keyed the car, it’s Abaddon (or her lackeys at least?), to leave a message for Crowley. The impala is marked by something evil now too. And like the Scarlett Letter, it’s there for all to see, as evidence of Dean’s collaboration with Crowley. Just as his own mark is evidence of his collaboration with Cain. 

What’s especially heartbreaking though, is that Dean recognizes how the message carved into the Impala is desecration. The impala is precious, and the idea of it being defaced, especially by demons, is unacceptable. But Dean didn’t think twice about letting the same thing happen to himself. He doesn’t se anything worth protecting within himself anymore, he doesn’t care that he’s being desecrated. And that cuts way deeper than those key marks. 

#i really fucking miss meg

It still irritates me so much that we never got her background, but we got Crowley’s. She’d been on Spn since season 1, the beginning, but we learned more about Crowley, his human name and where he came from, how he got to hell, even though he wasn’t even introduced to the show until season 5… And Meg was so mysterious a character! Back when she possessed Sam she says she has had many names. So who is she? Originally? What was her name? Where is she from? How old is she? What century is she from? How did she end up in hell? Did she sell her soul too? And if so, what for? "You don’t know Crowley." That’s another plot the writers never delved into either. How does she know Crowley? How did they meet and become enemies? She says, “Crowley is ALWAYS the problem.” What is their history together, huh? What happened between them? I wanted to know all of this! I kept waiting and waiting and every time I saw Rachel Minor’s name show up, I thought, this is it. This is the episode we learn about Meg and who she really is. I cannot believe they never ever took the opportunity to delve into the longest running villain and female character on the show. Blows my mind.

Canon Queer: Deconstructing Destiel Theory

There’s obviously much speculation within the fandom about the exact nature of the relationship between Dean Winchester and Castiel. It’s been years, and despite numerous deaths, angsty subplots, and general drama involving these two characters, we’re really no closer to gaining closure to that pesky question of canonicity. Or are we? I suppose that all depends on your definition of ‘canon.’

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unfortunately i woke up with more brother thoughts so

okay. i think that sam has every right to start these conversations. i think he has every right to point out to dean how unhealthy their shit has gotten. sam is not wrong. the gadreel thing was ten flavors of skeevy and dean knows it, dean has known that all along and he did it anyway. out of selfless love and yes, out of selfishness too, out of a need to keep one of the only things he’s ever been able to hang onto. love and selfishness are not mutually exclusive things. most people don’t love with total selflessness, most people can’t. we want to be loved in return, we want to be given attention and some kind of validation that we are in this together. it is okay to want these things. 

and in turn it is okay for sam to draw the line and say, i can give you some things but not all of them, dean, i can’t be the source of your self-worth, i can’t continue to be the piece of driftwood you cling to in the wreckage. i am not driftwood, i am a man with his own decisions to make. all of this is fair to say.

but i draw the line at what happened in the church.

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What do you want? Duty and desire in Season 9

The first half of season 9 has been rich thematically. From the first episode, we’ve been hit with the themes of informed consent, personal autonomy, and bad choices and bad consequences. But really, it’s been all variations on the theme Carver has been talking about since Comic Con:

Each of the previously mentioned themes is related to the central “Who am I? and what do I want?” theme, which is encapsulated by Dean’s decision to have Sam possessed: burdened by decades of codependency and the weight of undue responsibility, Dean thinks he has to save Sam, no matter what the cost, even if that decision removes Sam’s personal autonomy (and is done via dubious consent); he then has to constantly face that decision and the consequences thereof as he lies to Sam, lies to his friends, and justify his actions to himself.

Thus, we have the driving conflict of the first half of season 9.

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i’ve been thinking a lot about how dean keeps his spaces organized and how that reflects on his state of mind and i’m just. reALLY. EMOTIONAL???

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what i find so fascinating about dean and cas is that they are both seen as a failure to their kind by others as well as themselves (‘you’re human, dean - and not much of one’ / ‘you’re an angel?’ ‘a poor example of one’)

…and yet that failure only comes because they’ve succeeded in the opposite regard

dean’s body and mind are constantly battered by those he loves when they are possessed and it’s only through his words that they are able to come back. he surrenders himself to save them, he redeems them by enduring their fists and their blows and then forgiving them. dean’s story is one of sacrifice. dean is divine. 

cas’ heart is constantly beating against the walls of his grace, sparking a conscience within, capable of resisting even the most brutal forms of brainwashing. he looks at the first-born children lying in their baskets in egypt and fights against the order to slaughter them. mind erased. he sees a broken man trying to find solace on a dock alone and attempts to defy the order to not tell him the truth. ripped out from his vessel and tortured. that same man calls out to him to help him save his brother and the rest of humanity and cas stares zachariah right in the face as he rebels. death. rebirth. cas’ story is one of struggle, of surviving, of persisting despite ones circumstances.. cas is human. 

dean may have been born human, but he is the personification of divinity.

cas may have been created divine, but he is the personification of humanity.

funny how that all works out, huh?

the genuine dean.

thoughts on season nine, Dean Winchester, and the process of individuation.

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