jimmy stewart's lower lip

• causing tons of property damage by attempting to fuck cars, boat trailers, trees, and trash cans (did i mention that he weighed two tons)
• he was apparently particularly attracted to red cars
• at one point, the population of Gisborne attempted to contain him by putting barriers on the boat ramp he’d been using to get on land
• his response was to wait for a swell to move the barriers, get back on shore, cross the road, and fuck a power box, cutting off the electricity to a local restaurant and the coast guard building (and presumably tasering his own dick in the process)
• accidentally offset some of the property-damage costs by bringing in busloads of japanese tourists who were at the time visiting a city a few miles over
• (there was one claim that he also squished a person who got too close to him, but i can’t find anything backing this up)
• he was later revealed to have been the same elephant seal who had previously terrorized the town of Christchurch, hundreds of miles away
• in Christchurch, he was recorded climbing a two-meter wall, breaking into a mall, and humping more cars and trash cans
• (this isn’t even the first time something like this has happened, as an elephant seal in Coromandel became a local celebrity in the 80s after coming ashore and trying to fuck cows; Humphrey was later immortalized with a fiberglass statue)
• Gisborne’s local radio station created a (now-defunct) website for him called “Homer’s Home,” complete with a forum for people to track his amorous adventures and a page where kids could send him emails of support
• just look at him

When Harry Met Sally (1989)